Be honest. Would you really want to marry the type of man that would like to do half the housework?

Question

I am that type of man and a feminist (believe it or not). But I'm worried that what women say they want and what they really want are two different things. Feminism seems very confused within itself to me, it seems to resemble someone who is trying to be something they are not. It worries me any thoughts...

Answer 1

I am prob exactly the type of woman you are talking about. I would love to have someone (and sometimes do!!) who does half (or more) of the housework but I also hate a man I can boss around. Mentally, for me, it is such a turn off. I want someone who has the upper hand with me but doesnt need to show it. So my perfect man is the one who can beat me mentally and physically but is quietly confident in this and happy to do his share at home without me telling him to, thereby never breaking my happy ruse.

Hope this makes sense. I know a lot of women reading this will not agree. It is not "PC" to be honest about your wants and desires these days unless they are all women on top or at least equal, but I thought your question deserved a deep honest answer from a woman.

Answer 2

The right women would want an equitable relationship. If that means that both are busy working and share the chores 50:50, then that is good. If it means that one is out working more than the other, and the split is 60:40 or 70:30 then that is ok too... What is not equitable is where the commitments are unequal and the housework split is...

It is a bit like the fact that men don't get paternity leave, women do... If you then take a career break, it is fair that you pick up where you left off, but will be a few years behind your partner - how can you then earn the same money at that point (all other things being equal)...

Answer 3

As we've seen, this in itself isn't such a big issue.

But the underlying point - that there is a difference between what women tend to rationally think they want, and the type of man they are attracted to - seems sound to me.

It's frustrating. For years I've been a 'nice guy' too. And finally realised that everything we're taught to believe is a hollow crock of s***.

Same with jobs - all through your education, you're made to think that academic success is the path to a good job. You let so much of your life go by as you work, only to find out that academic achievement is only half the story. Your face doesn't fit, and you're (I'm) working part time in a supermarket, unable to get anything good in the field I want to work in.



The realisation is that in both concepts your parents, teachers, and society generally have taught you these things at least partly to turn you into a convenient, quiet, controllable sap, someone who won't rock the boat or cause problems. You're nice, your considerate, you're quiet and obedient in class.

You're a gimp on a leash, oppressing your true self, letting your life pass you by, and setting yourself up for failure by the very nature of your quest to be successful.



Realising this and accepting that you have to start again, learn new skills, get in touch with a part of yourself you've been ignoring or shutting up for years, is a damn odd experience.
It's kind of scary too - admitting to yourself that you feel so lost in so many new areas of your life, and you don't know where to begin learning.


But you can do some of the housework, so long as you don't make a fuss, expect anything in return, or be a wuss about it.

Answer 4

personally Im pretty traditional about the marriage thing and I want to be a stay at home mom someday. However, don't get me wrong AT ALL- I dont think that just because I believe the man should be the head of the relationship means he isnt supposed to pull his weight in the house. My belief is that it will be easy for me to let my husband lead the way in a lot of things BECAUSE the man I will marry will love and appreciate the fact that I am extremely capable, successful, intelligent, and not needy SO he will know that being the leader means he has to consult and agree with his support...if we support each other it will balance out. I dont like the idea of a man who doesnt think enough of his wife to ignore daily living necessities. That is not a thoughtful human being, and I dont want to share my life with someone who doesn't respect me enough to give me a hand without me having to ask. It's a matter of love and respect.

Answer 5

Different women want different things. Some couples swap roles and the woman does more of the "making money" while the husband does more of the "make the home." Others have more traditional roles. It all depends on what you want.

My husband and I share chores. If both are working, both do housework. We also made a deal to trade on chores we hated- I do ironing, he does dishes.

I'm lucky, I have a man who thinks women are wonderful people, and who has worked for and with women. He is totally masculine and all my friends have asked to inherit him if I die. I'm constantly being asked if he has brothers (nope, sorry).

As for feminism, mostly what women want is to be taken seriously as people instead of chattel. They want chances to be who they are. I think this leads to letting men also be who they really are, instead of playing a role.

Be the best man you can be. Be honest and honorable. Care about yourself and others. A sense of humor is always welcome. The right woman will find you.

Answer 6

I married a man who DOES do half the housework, and I love him dearly and appreciate the effort he puts in. If it were just me doing dishes, cooking, and washing the laundry, then I would be endlessly frustrated and resentful. Every couple has to work out a system that works for them, though - sometimes it's not 50/50, it's 60/40 or 90/10 and it can fluctuate from day to day or even week to week just depending on the situation a person is in. Hang in there - eventually you will find a woman to appreciate you. :)

Answer 7

work away, please.


Basically women want the same pay for the same jobs. The same golden parachute, the same benefits etc.......and a key to the executive washroom!!!

For centuries men have worked less hours and made more money than their female counterpart.

Look at the 'secretary' now renamed to 'administrative assistant'....she does all the hard research, the typing, collating, phoning, setting up meetings, GIVING INPUT THAT IS USED....and she gets no credit for it.......THIS JOB IS SO UNDER RATED IT IS PITIFUL.
This is just an example of where men take advantage of women in the workplace.

Basically women want to be empowered, and we have done that for ourselves.



Here is an article about confused feminists that you ask about:
http://www.feminist.com/resources/artspeech/genwom/whatisfem.htm


I could go on about it all day.....but hey I have to wash the dishes (:-)


PS: Afterthought - most men getting married today were raised by single mom's and they know how to clean and cook and they just do it....they will take that into their marriage.

Answer 8

No I want to marry a patronising bastard that belittles me and throws me a few presents now and then to keep it sweet.

Of course i want to marry someone that does half the house work, actually lets change that, i am married to someone who does half the house work.

You seem a bit blurry on the idea of feminisim. Feminism does not represent the actions of each and every woman. Often women are feminism's worse enemies.

Answer 9

Some women like a generous man, some women like to be treated like crap, whacked on the head and dragged back to his cave. I'm constantly amazed by girls I know (most professed feminists) that still turn to gello when some guy treats them in a dominant uncaring way! Then when he dumps them in two weeks time, they're wondering why.
As a general rule, the nice guys end up as friends and if you want to have sex, be a bastard. (general rule, there are always exceptions.)
I think you're right that often girls do say one thing and mean another, but I think guys do that too.

Answer 10

Oh Yes! I would love to marry a man that loves to do housework. As long as he does it well.