Anyone have annoying mother in laws? How do you deal with it?

Question

My mother in law calls my house too much!! Every single day, sometimes twice a day, to talk to my husband. She interupts when my husband and I are talking, eating, or just spending time together. She never wants anything, just to talk about nothing. She treats my husband like he's her man! It really makes me mad! I am really thinking about letting that no life having winch know how I feel cause my husband ain't doing squat about the problem. He's just kissing her butt!! Yuck!!Now that we have a child, that winch calls to request visits and my husband jumps everytime. I don't like this woman mainly because my husband licks her butt too much. I get mad everytime my phone rings and it's that winch. With each passing day, I hate her even more.

Answer 1

Ooh how I can so relate to you, my friend. I too had the mother-in-law from hell. She called me to tell me how to cook, and what his favorite foods were (they weren't!) and generally demanded that her son dote on her. And he didn't do anything about it. I'm sure it's because she used to be very abusive to all her kids, and he remembered that abuse, even though he was a grown man. And this just got worse when our son was born, and much worse when our daugther was born (she loved little girls the most). We moved away, and that took care of it for a while, but we had to move back into the area, because of work, so she started up again. I guess all I can tell you is that you need caller ID, and screen your calls, letting the phone ring. I also know you and your husband must talk about this situation and how it's getting in the way with YOUR relationship with HIM. Since you're both married, you are now one. Everything that happens goes through the both of you. His mothers' bosiness is causing a problem with the both of YOU. He's not married to HER (as much as she'd maybe like that!) and he MUST put your needs before hers. Dr. Phil has said the same thing, so I'm in good company here. You'll both have to put a limit to how much family time she gets with your family. You'll both have to have a talk with her too, much as you don't like it. I was just as reluctant to stand up to my mother-in-law as my husband was, because she was very nasty, and I hated confrontations. But, it should have been done, in as calm a way as possible. Though this would be very difficult, maybe you'll need to do it with the whole family, as I'm sure you're not the only one having trouble. Whether or not this helps, at least you tried, and at least she won't have a doubt about how EVERYONE feels. She won't be able to tell you that sister so-and-so said something different, because you will know the truth. I also wouldn't be anywhere with her alone, just because of the lies she'll tell you. Have back-up. Or if she mentions something, ask her if she'd be willing to write that down and sign it. That should bring her up short. The bottom line is, she has a grandchild, and is this childs' grandmother. That's a fact that can't be stopped. Letting her know that her antics are affecting her visitation with said grandchild might make her think twice about her witchy ways. But you and hubby both have to stand together on this, and not have him sneaking off with your child to meet with her. He's got to cut the apron strings, and so does she. Even the Bible is specific about this, saying that the man leaves his home and binds to his wife. It sounds like he hasn't left home yet. Maybe let him see all the posts on this site. I'm sure that many of them will be similar to mine, and encourage him to be THE MAN. Unfortunately, I never saw my husband put his mom in her place. She died of bone cancer, something I didn't wish even on her. She was always ready to get in between us, even when we had the normal marriage squabble (of course taking his side). I'm so sorry that you had to have a mother-in-law like this. I had the good fortune of having a step-mother-in-law, who is really sweet and we can talk about everything and be on the same page. It kinda helped me deal a little better, knowing I had someone I could talk to about THAT woman. She was the first thing we agreed on! But, in your case, the things I suggested may be your only solution. And hubby MUST be totally on board with you on this. I think I would ask him who he wants to be married to and see what he says. This can and will get more serious, if he doesn't put his foot down now. It's very fortunate (on my part) that I only had 11 years to put up with this before she died. While I don't wish this on anyone, I'm hoping that you all can come to a peaceful understanding, so that everyone comes out a winner here. Mother-in-law needs to vacate her position in her sons' life, and allow you to be his primary concern. It's not that you're replacing her, which you can't, but you are now his wife, and that takes precedence over her and her needs. If she gets too old to care for herself, she will have to be on much better terms if she's expecting sonny boy to move her in and take care of her. It takes a whole family, pulling together, to make things work smoothly. When one person is demanding too much from another, it's unbalanced, and makes the whole family come apart. I think if he reads this, he'll have to consider that he's got to do something before it's too late. Ignoring it won't make it go away. She's gaining strength with every battle she wins. She's going to put bigger demands on him, and it will affect everyone. And if she won't listen, then you'll both have to let her know that she's not welcome into your lives until she's willing to go by YOUR rules. That's the bottom line. Yes, it will be hard, but you both have to lay the law down. It's YOUR life, not hers. She raised her family. You honored her by seeing something wonderful in her son, so she must have done something right. But, her job is done, as far as raising him goes. She needs to step back and be a help, only when asked. It's because I had the kind of mother-in-law that I had that makes me a better mother-in-law now. I rarely call my son or his wife, even though they have an adorable 4 year old boy I'd like to spoil. They live 90 miles from here, but her mom lives just a few blocks away, so we see each other at least once a month or more. I will call if I have something real to talk about, or if it's their birthdays. I will call her mom, when they come to town, and ask if I can pop in for a visit. Of course, sometimes I get complaints that I don't call enough, and that I need to be in touch more. I do send e-mails and e-cards, letting them know I'm thinking of them. But I sure don't want to resemble, in any way, THAT WOMAN! Hope all works out for you and your family. <*)))><

Answer 2

Same thing used to happen to me.I just act nice in front of her out of respect for my husband(who loves his mother very much and righfully so) and I made it clear that we didn't need her calling every day.I turn the phone off after a certain time or when we are having private time.I also had a pow wow with my husband and told him that grown up married people dont need mommies around all the time,24/7...he now acts differently and my monster inlaw has backed off.Life is good:)

Try to understand that its hard for a mother to see her son all grown up and married...in her eyes,he is still her baby.

Answer 3

You should try talking with the Mother-in-Law. Nicely tell her how she makes you feel. If that isn't an option for you, then you definately need to make your husband understand about your feelings. He needs to speak with his mom, and get this problem straighted out. You can't avoid her completly because this is your husband's mother. If all else fails, then maybe you should go by yourself and get some counsoling. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

Somehow, you must give clear insight to sweet hubby about how you feel. He will not respond to you yelling and whining. Most men by nature are 'fixers'. Use this characteristic to your advantage and have a calm heart to heart talk about 'your problem'. Ask him what you should do about it and see if anything he says is satisfactory to you. If so, go overboard about how wonderful his idea is. Reward him heavily when he does fix it. If he doesn't come up with fabulous ways to tone M-I-L down, delicately guide him to come up with the 'fix'. It should be his idea. This may not be a one-time talk. It will probably be a process. Be patient.

Answer 5

get caller ID and screen your calls; if you have a cordless phone, hide it so your husband won't be able to answer the phone; when she calls, act like something's wrong with the phone connection and hang up on her, then put the phone off the hook so she can't call back; when you and your husband are spending time together at home, turn the ringers off all the phones in the house (and your cell phones too).

Answer 6

He is a moma's boy. You will either have to lump it or dump it. If you speak to him the way you wrote this question perhaps he would rather hear her talk than hear you...

Nomally anyone that loves his mother will love his wife. It they hate their mother's they will hate their wives after awhile...

The important thing is how does he treat you?

He is the only one that can set her straight so, have a good talk with him and tell him you don't mind his mother but there should be limits....

Answer 7

That is the job of the infamous mother in law,to be annoying. She has to attend the College Of Pain In The *** for 18 years to quailfy.

Answer 8

lets just say my MIL had pink hair for my wedding... to match her dress... a 55 yr old with pink hair... i feel your pain. (it was bad)

I would sit my hubby down and tell him, listen, this is effecting his family, meaning you and the baby, and that you are not happy with how things are right now. Honest and to the point...

Answer 9

Maybe you can rent her out to some family where the mom skipped town or something...some kind of lease agreement, or time-share...that way, she's bringing in money, and she's out of your hair, too! LOL

Answer 10

my mother in laws pretty annoying, shes like a know itall. but she helps us out alot financially. so you just gotta tune out the chatter, and watch our wallets grow fatter

Answer 11

yes, but be nice. just tell her to not call so much.You will call her let her know when the best time to visit thegrandchild. that you have family time for you guys.