I have made my mistakes. First off I have a trust issue.My x-wife put me throw alot.So there are times when my wife and I are fighting that I can't control myself from going throw her stuff. We also have her two kids that I believe that they are tring to break us up. I know that I can get upset easy sometimes but I don't want the fighting any more.I am going to see a counselor this week to try and help me understand why I do the things I do but I believe she needs to to becouse she gets upset over the little things but she doesn't see it. what do I do to have want to stay?
2006-07-23 08:26:19 · 14 answers · asked by looking for answers 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your first mistake was carrying the trust factor from your ex into this marriage, also it sounds as if your insecure to think her children are trying to break you two up. The only one who can do that is you and her. We all sometimes think the step are trying to and they do try, but if the marriage is strong enough to withstand it then there is no problem. With the trust issues you have your allowing something to break your marriage. Get some help for yourself and let her see how hard your working on yourself. Like someone else said tell her what you told us here and tell her you love her, but remember words don't mean a thing if you can't back them up with actions. Next time you feel yourself getting so upset count to 10 and know that words do hurt and seem to stay with us forever.
2006-07-23 08:41:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
See that therapist and a marriage counselor. He will instruct each of you to tell the other what is bothering you and the other one cannot say a word in reply until it is their turn to speak. You sound like you may have Intermittent explosive disorder. There is help.
You both sound as if there has been a buildup of little things that have morphed into one big, possibly fatal problem for your relationship. You need to dissect the problem and talk about each and every one and see what you both could be doing a bit differently. It doesn't hurt to tell your mate (in a controlled environment, of course) if your feelings have been hurt and why. Your mate will also get her chance to tell you what her feelings are and what hurts her too. Feelings are valid.
As far as her kids go, it depends on age. If they are underage, the only thing you can do is tell her what your personal space rules are about their treatment of you, if she wants you to stay.
Unfortunately, one thing you must remember,:partners, (whether or not related to the kids involved) know that partners come and partners go...but children are always your children, regardless of the relationship between the parents.
Good luck and I hope you can work things out. If the problem persists, you might want to cut your losses (it will hurt) and move on. You cannot meet Mr./Mrs. "Right", if you're too busy trying to salvage what may not last anyway. .
Good Luck. :)
2006-07-23 08:53:39 · answer #2 · answered by sherijgriggs 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What probably seems little to you is much bigger than you think. Please don't blame the kids. If you are sincere about fixing this issue then you need to look at yourself. When a controlling (and that is what you are... non trust converts to control) man comes into children's lives that didn't have that before it is very devastating. It's devastating to everyone in the household. You may benefit from counseling but it's not likely that this current relationship will since you've waited until she decided to move out to get your help. If you were really concerned about how your influences have affected the entire family you would have seeked help prior. If your wife has been dealing with your behavior and seems to get upset over little things it's probably because she doesn't love you anymore and you have no one to blame but yourself. When we don't love persons it is pretty difficult to be kind especially when they are condemning, controlling and not trusting. I pray you've learned a lesson from this and may God Bless you and your family.
2006-07-23 08:40:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, her mind it made up if she's moving out. The best thing to do know is go get the help you need/want and show her that you are trying to change. Try to show improvement over the next few months and win her back. That's all you can do right now is try to win her back by changing and showing her you can trust.
Good Luck!
2006-07-23 08:32:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please seek some professional help and STICK with it. You're not going to find any permanent solution to your life problems on the Internet. You may both need to be in therapy, but the bottom line is that you need to take responsibility for your own actions.YOU are the only one you can change. If you don't get honest about yourself and stop blaming others, including your kids--who are, after all just youngsters---you'll never be able to live with anyone, period. As I often say, "its not who's right or who's wrong, its who's left."
2006-07-23 08:37:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her your going to the counsellor and you'd like her to go with you. If she won't go, then go by yourself.
You need the help and support to help you to help yourself. Just let things settle down a bit before you talk to her. Tell her you love her and want this marriage to work. Then back off a little and let her think about it.
I'm separated from my husband now, but I'm still working on the relationship at this point. Separation doesn't always mean divorce. But you can't make it work alone.
My heart goes out to you.
2006-07-23 08:32:56 · answer #6 · answered by wayouthere 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here is some advice from someone with experience in this matter. First of all, you need to deal with all of your emotional baggage that you have from your previous marriage, that you have brought into your current marraige.
You have done your wife a seroius injustice, by holding on to your "past". it is not fair to her, or you, because you are cheating yourself out of an awesome experience simply because you have given your EX power over you.
I speak from experince, because my husband has done the same thing, but thanks be to God that he finally reliazes that now.
And finally, apologize to her, but mean it from your heart.
2006-07-23 10:13:28 · answer #7 · answered by ladysea8 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't make her stay. Maybe after you have gotten the help you feel you need. Or maybe space is the thing you both need so you can find out what the problem is.
2006-07-23 08:31:08 · answer #8 · answered by ebonybutterfly4u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Too little too late! Work on yourself and dealing with your issues and if she sees a change, maybe she will reconcile. Most men are full of crap when it comes to saying they'll 'change', so actions speak louder than words.
2006-07-23 08:52:47 · answer #9 · answered by bluez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This might sound stupid but offer to go to therapy. Tell her what you said on here... Admit to her you have a problem and you want to change; but you couldn't stand being away from her and you would love her support.
2006-07-23 08:29:49 · answer #10 · answered by Blanquita 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋