my bf thinks that him coming home every day after work is spending time with our daughter and i, but then comes fri, sat, sun he says he's with us all the time and now he wants to be out with his friends, and that he has a life outside of the house, and that its not his fault that i choose to stay home, but when will he realize that if he's out every weekend then that means i have to babysit and i dont mind because she's my daughter, but how can i make him understand that maybe if he can watch her then i can go out some time?
2006-07-23 08:14:42 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
MEN!!! Okay, sweety you should look into finding other moms (married or not) that have kids in your area. I have the same problem with my husband sometimes. He comes home from work and thinks that just because he is home with us that it's spending time with us. WRONG! I told him that I know he is tired but he needs to spend time with his family. Now on the weekends, I don't know how old you are but I am 28. I have 2 kids and my son just turned 9. My baby girl will be 1yr August 8th. Before I met my husband I raised my son for 6 years alone. His dad was not around. I know what it feels like to stay at home. When I had my daughter by my husband ..the fact that I was home alone with her made me feel like I was raising her alone. Especially right after she was born. My husband would go play pool with his friends and I was like "HELLOOO, you have a baby at home". Well I decided I needed to look for other moms for going out and play dates. I have not done it in a while since I run my business from home but it really helped me to find those moms. We went out to the park with the kids or to each others home. We went out to lunch. I didn't have a car so they would come get me. It was nice of them. I don't know where you live but you can try to post a free message/ad on CRAIGSLIST. It's an online ad. That is where I posted my ad for "looking for other moms with kids around these ages to have mom and kids play date". I had lots of responses. Some of the moms were even going through the same problems I was so I helped to have someone to talk to. Once you go to Craigslist go to the community one. Then find your area or an area close to you. Once they respond to your ad yall can set up a play date and stuff and maybe a date for yal to go out on a weekend. Schedule it and let you man know you need mom time with the women (and no kids)at least 1 X every 2 weeks. If he really cares about your feelings then he will honor that and stay home with the baby at least 1 day on the weekend. I love my daughter and son but sometimes we women need out time alone or with other women. If you want email me and I can help with the set up of craigslist. Take care
apache1girl@yahoo.com
2006-07-23 08:29:55 · answer #1 · answered by { Me } 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think he's right. I don't think he's being very understanding. It is important that he has some time away from the family & outside of the house, and it's just as important that he give that to you, as well. I would explain to him that you feel it's important that the family spend more quality time together. I'm not sure how old your daughter is, but maybe you could make one evening a week "family night" where you go see a movie together or play a board game together, or maybe go to the park and feed the geese? Tell him that if he feels two nights a week out with his friend is what he requires, then you need that same thing, so he must babysit the same number a nights a week while you go out to dinner with friends, etc. He's got a family now, and it's not just about what he needs.. it's about what his daughter and her mother need, too.
2006-07-23 08:25:59 · answer #2 · answered by coolnessa8 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
obviously you are the only one that is married. why did he get married in the first place if he wanted to live the single life?
you can't make him understand that he has to watch her during friday, saturday and sunday but, what about finding somewhere to go Tuesday, wednesdays and thursdays? Providing that he is not the mean type and he won't treat the baby bad or take it out on her, I would find places to go for 3 days to see how he likes the shoe on the other foot. I would suggest that you go even if you go to mom's just to prove a point.
However this might also work against you since he is use to you being at home...
Decide whether you want to keep staying home or not very carefully. Sometimes you open a can of worms...
2006-07-23 08:24:14 · answer #3 · answered by Tiny Jr. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that. Ask him how he considers it fair that you and he never get to go out, that you never get to go out with your friends.
He sounds very immature and self centered. All you can do is tell him how you feel, and then see whether he respects you or not. Do not use your daughter as leverage, it isn't fair to her.
If he won't agree, find yourself a babysitter, and go out. Tell him that this is going to be something that you are going to be doing at least a couple times a month...and that he can pay the babysitter if he can't stay home with his daughter. Also, that you expect him to take you ou occasionally and do things, and sometimes take you and your daughter out on weekends. To go the zoo, the park, whatever....spending 3 hours a night Mon thru Thurs is good, but not what I would call real quality time. Casue most of that is consumed by supper, tv, bath time, etc. Weekends are the time to enjoy your family most.
Even if you're going out by yourself to see a movie and do some window shopping, you'll still be getting out, and he'll see what it feels like.
2006-07-23 08:26:15 · answer #4 · answered by jimmy h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he won't watch your daughter then find a sitter and go out for the night! You have all the right in the world!!! Yes, you 2 should do something together also though; if not ya'lls gonna split apart from no time together! Just cause you have a kid dosen't mean you can't have fun or enjoy life ya know??
2006-07-24 12:23:49 · answer #5 · answered by butterflies25 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You aren't crazy! Most young men that don't have what it takes to give you a commitment of marriage also don't have what it takes to raise a family and treat his gf with respect. Just coming home from work isn't spending time with anyone. Perhaps you can find someone to watch your child and go with him when he goes out on the weekend. If he doesn't want you to be with him, you have problems on a different level. Good Luck
2006-07-23 08:21:44 · answer #6 · answered by marks3kids 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you both are acting crazy he does spend time with yoiu all after work as for the weekend split it up between you 2 one night is your night out the other his night then on sunday do somehtign togther. this is your child there should not be a fight over who has ot watch her on what day or better yet get a weekend baby sitter then you both can go out then down the road you can both kick you selves in the seat of your pants for fighting over somethign that wont matter when the child is old enough to stay home anyways
2006-07-23 08:21:18 · answer #7 · answered by serenity0795 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope, you're not acting crazy. And dont allow him to convince you otherwise. You're a family now. He needs to realize that.
He no longer has the option of spending time with his friends. You all go to visit your mutual friends that have family.
OR you and he go out, and get a sitter for your daughter.
Whether he chooses to realize it or not. He's married and has a family. That means his life has changed from being single.
That's life.
whoooooops.........bf? I guess I did not read well enough
You're both too immature to be in a relationship.....let alone to be parents.
2006-07-23 08:23:41 · answer #8 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is a looser and your not far behind. get rind of him. he is having fun, maybe and maybe not with someone of the opposite sex, but fun is fun. put it to him that he is out of the house most of the time, working. you are home most of the time with the child. TELL him you are going to work on weekends while he stays home with the child. with both of you working, then you 2 can get married. i wonder which will make him run faster---you working or the idea of the 2 of you getting married? anyway you will be the winner because the looser boy will be gone. there is no love in this relationship, at least between you and him.
2006-07-23 08:37:15 · answer #9 · answered by chapes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well have you asked him to watch the child so you can go out? He probably loves that he has the freedom to do what he likes while you are at home. What I would do is find someone that you trust to watch your child while you spy on him to see what he is doing on those nights away from you.
2006-07-23 08:33:25 · answer #10 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋