Why do so many of us look to others for validation?

Question

Is it me, or does it seem that we, as a society, have started looking towards everyone else (our parents, our friends, our peers. our teachers, bosses, etc) for validation of our own self-worth? Don't we realize that some people aren't even capable of validating their own self, let alone us? Happiness starts with being secure in who you are. You can't find security within yourself if you are constantly looking to others for validation.

I know it sounds like I'm answering my own questions. I understand why we *shouldn't* look to others for validation, which is what I explained, but - why do we? Is it in how we are raised? Is it a trend in my generation?

Answer 1

I agree and I understand your concerns. It is true that we, as humans, constantly need self-approval and look to others to get it. We are conditioned from a very young age in school when we receive "gold stars" and awards for something that we accomplish. We learn very quickly that it feels good to have others like what we do and how we did it. The same behavior transfers to adulthood. How many of us do something and never tell anyone about it? The best deeds in life are the ones that we do and do not get recognized for it, but unfortunately, so many people need that affirmation in order to think that they are doing a good job. They want that "gold star"!

Answer 2

Was that a question or a lecture? Its because we are human, and it happens in varying degrees, some can be good and help you improve yourself, others of course can need it to survive. Your security without ever requiring validation is pure fiction....seriously tell me you are going to go to work everyday for 20 years, do the best job you possibly can and never mind if nobody ever notices how good you are at it? Keep in mind that would mean, no awards, no raises because they are a reward for a job well done, not to mention you WILL endure performance reviews are you seriously trying to say that a good one wouldn't make you smile a little wider? if you are i'm saying bs. How about school, what is an A or a D but validation for doing your homework? does it really not matter which one you get because you are 'secure' with yourself? Are you going to raise children and never mind if nobody notices what a great mom you are? Its not going to happen. Being too 'secure' in yourself means you simply don't accept anyone elses ideas about how you might improve yourself because you believe you have already achieved perfection, and that never happens. There is a fine line between 'security' and 'arrogance'. Not to mention you are then driven only by the need to please yourself, i think we call that narcissistic behavior, try to have a child or a relationship where you never give that person some 'validation' the kids will run away and the hubby will find it somewhere else as quick as he can. By the way aren't you looking for validation of your 'theory' simply by posting this question???

Ok in response to your additional details..if one is never validated for a job well done what is their motivation for doing well in anything ever? That's why, the wife that keeps a spotless home, cooks a gourmet meal and polishes the lightbulbs everyday but never is told dinner was great and the house looks gorgeous doesn't have any reason to continue doing it so she stops. So we need it because it gives a reason and motivation to want to do well. A child that is never 'validated' become an inmate in adult life, humans simply need it.

Answer 3

That sounded more like a speech or sermon than a question, but I will indulge nonetheless.
From the time we do the first adorable thing as infants and mommy squeals and claps her approval we begin the aforementioned behavior. Think about it this way, people who do things for only their own satisfaction we consider either loners or cocky. People who do things solely for the approval of others, we consider needy. I don't really think self worth comes into play. A comedian tells a joke for a laugh, the laugh is the validation. An employee does his job for a paycheck, the paycheck is the validation. An employee does an even better job to attempt a promotion. Promotion = Validation. Long story short, there is very little rhyme or reason to accomplish anything with out a reward whether from within or from someone else. The best advice find the happy medium and try not to look at yourself as validated or not. Its a natural human tendency, roll with it and try not to fit yourself into the box of conformity is sounds like your afraid you've fallen into.

Answer 4

I don't think it's wrong to look for others regarding approval. It helps keep us in check. Then there's the flip side of the coin, the sociopaths that don't care about anyone and seem to enjoy hurting others and receiving disapproval. Those are definitely not who we should try and be like. There's a happy medium and a fine line we have to walk. Humans are social creatures. No matter how much we say we hate everyone, we still need to be around people. It's important to surround ourselves with caring people that don't hurt others. From that, we can trust our gut to guide us in the right direction. So, yeah...I think it's a good thing to look for approval, but not for everything because we still are individuals.

Answer 5

Probably because most arent capable of making a decision OR assuming responsibilty.

Answer 6

You asked a question and then you gave an answer to that question. You're right. It all comes down to people's insecurities.

Answer 7

yeah, but for most people its just easier to look outside yourself, then look inside at your own dark corners

Answer 8

FOR THE MOST PART, I THINK IT IS HUMAN NATURE TO QUESTION ONES SELF SOMETIMES. ALITTLE BIT OF INSECURITY FROM TIME TO TIME IS PERFECLTY NORMAL. IN MY OPINION.

Answer 9

are you asking a question?

Answer 10

Very true....