I am engaged to a very traditional man. I am concerned because I would like to have a prenup.... but I know that just suggesting that option would be a great offence to him.
On the other hand, he owns a house and he expects me to copay his mortgage once we get married and I move in with him. Now, if we got divorced someday, would I own half of the house too even if it was bought under his name?
2006-07-23 07:15:20 · 10 answers · asked by sunshine 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is a traditional man you say, just tackle the subject in a businesslike manner, try to do it while you two are on the subject of other business-like things related to your upcoming marriage ( like getting rid of your house,official documents that need signing, banking stuff).
2006-07-23 07:23:11 · answer #1 · answered by Courage 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You're going to be sharing everything in your life with this person. If you don't feel comfortable telling him how you feel about this because he'd be offended, you'll be running away from problems in your whole marriage because he feels offended. You'll have to compromise on a lot of things to come, so don't be afraid to tell him that you want to get a prenup before you get married. If you feel intimidated by him into not being able to stand up for your beliefs, then you probably shouldn't get married until you learn how to do so.
As far as getting half the house in a divorce, it's a complicated issue. First, laws vary state to state. Some states split everything in half, while others only split the property that the two of you acquired while being married (in this case, this would be the equity that the two of you obtained in the house while being married). But generally speaking, in a divorce proceding, it's not so much about the laws as it is about negotiating your way out of the marriage. And this is where the prenup is nice, because with a prenup, things are already negotiated ahead of time. Say, if the two of you get divorced, you agree that he gets to keep the house, but he has to pay you back the money that you paid in mortgage payments before he gets you off the title, or whatever you agree to. If there is no such agreement, then it can get messy, because it's much more difficult to agree to these things when you're getting divorced than it is when you're getting married.
And one more thing: just remember that while prenups are a negotiation between you and your husband (to be), they are not a negotiation between you and the bank that has your mortgage. So make sure you consult a good attorney on how to write it up so that you're not stuck with the mortgage even if you've agreed to let your husband keep the house in case of a divorce.
2006-07-23 07:36:05 · answer #2 · answered by Sim S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure if you would own the house because it was an asset of his before the marriage, but I'm sure the judge would certainly take into consideration the amount of money you contributed and there might be some sort of percentage payoff. Are you wanting the prenup to allow you to have half the house in the event of a breakup? I would suggest expressing to him your concerns about contributing to the home and then possibly walking away with nothing if something were to happen. If he doesn't understand, traditional man or not, then this could be a sign of future misunderstandings. A woman often has a harder time financially after a divorce and to invest in an asset then to walk away with nothing in the end is of great concern.
If he is unwilling to see your point or address the issue, expect this same behavior to worsen once the marriage certificate is signed.
Best of luck!
2006-07-23 07:25:47 · answer #3 · answered by ididntdoitthedogdid 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Approach the idea from a stand point that it benefits him as well, point out that it is designed to protect both of you and that no you don't 'plan' on divorce, but then again nobody does when they get married. Also, let him know you aren't getting married without it, if your marriage works out then its not an issue at all, but if it doesn't you'll both be glad you had it.
Why are you going to pay for his house? I would make that part of the pre-nup for sure, no way i am paying for some guys house and not having ownership to it, i would ask the attorney handling your prenup what the rules about that are in your state.
2006-07-23 07:24:33 · answer #4 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are going to be living in the house as Husband and Wife it becomes common property, whether you contribute to it or not. So yes, the law states you are entitled to half in the event of a divorce. Keep proof that you paid half the mortgage while together, as this will definitely work in your favour.
Unless you have other assets you have not mentioned, it would appear he has more to lose than you do. So try approaching it from that angle. State it would be in his interest to do a prenup and see what he says.
2006-07-23 08:43:38 · answer #5 · answered by Andreana 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually, if you understand what marriage stands for it means till death do you part, so therefore a prenup is a sign that you presume the marriage will end in divorce. Marriage is a life commitment and for those of you who want a prenup, don't get married, because marriage is obviously not what you're looking for! I agree with your fiance and he should walk away now if you want a prenup.
2006-07-23 07:25:35 · answer #6 · answered by little mama kat 23 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How much equity is in the house? I would think HE would want the prenup, not you! IF he is unwilling to put your name on the deed of trust, say within 6 months of marriage, I am not so sure I would want to pay anything above and beyond what renting a room would be...say about ..???? per month. You need to talk now or forever hold your piece.
2006-07-23 07:25:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Theres no good reason it shouldet be in both your names if both of you are going to pay for the house .
2006-07-23 07:27:42 · answer #8 · answered by insertstrawhere 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly sweetie....gently tell him it is "your way" or "the highway"...Never give in to someone elses idea about a pre nup...you will never forget it if you do not go with your gut.
2006-07-23 07:19:56 · answer #9 · answered by Imamamea 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do it or forget it....
2006-07-23 07:19:53 · answer #10 · answered by Big Bear 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋