I have been divorced for 2 1/2 years and have gotten back together with my ex-wife for a few months about a year and a half ago. Since then she has stayed in contact by calling me usually every day and sometimes more than once a day. When she comes by to pick my son up she usually stays for a while just chit chatting. I have been holding onto nothing for all this time hoping we would be together again. Now she tells me she has someone that she has dated for 8 months which i find hard to believe when she calls me like everyday and tells me everything that is going on in her life. She just told me about this guy after she found a note on my front door that made her believe I was seeing someone else. She told me she didn't find the note but that is just an impossibility. She says it's really serious with this guy but i can't stop obsessing and trying to figure out ways to make her come back. I would like to move on but I just can't start feeling ok with everything.
2006-07-23 06:47:00 · 16 answers · asked by Chad 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have a child together and she's being your friend becuse the two of you will always be connected through that child. You need to have an honest conversation with her and ask her if it's really over this time...because you need to make a permanent decision and get on with your life. Of course, if it's REALLY over for her, then you need to make that decision and let her know. That doesn't mean the two of you can't be friends, and can't chit chat, but it does mean that you need to both be certain that it's over. You can even still love her...and recognize that being together is NOT an option...and NEVER, EVER have sex together...and a kiss on the cheek or the forehead is about as close to lips as the two of you should ever be.
First, for both of you and DEFINITELY for your child.
If you didn't try counseling before...you may want to think about it, and come up with some "rules" about things.
If you want to really move on, then you need to just do that.
You know, people complain all the time that their ex- uses the child against them, or uses them, and it sounds like the two of you actually CAN be friends. You just have to both agree that's what you really want, and quit tip toeing around the issue.
2006-07-23 06:56:47 · answer #1 · answered by Kaia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have a need to feel wanted and to be in love. At the moment you have broken hearts. You need closure. If you can't turn off the computer and start a new hobby like collecting stamps. Then maybe try approaching the situation head on. This advice is bad, I know. Create a fake facebook account. Put a picture of some woman you know that he would look at. Before you add him, add other people to the friends list and then add him, so he will not be suspcious. If he takes the bait, you can then trawl through his messages and photo album and cross reference comments with dates with events when he was with you. I'm sure, it will rip and even tear your heart apart. It will make you angry too. But when you think about it, you will see he was a right dick head and you are better off without him. As for meeting people. Can you cut down your hours? Do some volunteer work in a homeless shelter perhaps. See how tough life is for people struggling to survive on the basics. Your life might take a turn for the better.
2016-03-16 04:02:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Evidently you got divorced for a reason.
Knowing that you are obsessing is a start, work from there.
Move on with your life, talk to women, find one you would like to go out with, even if only as friends. Knowing that someone else is interested in you helps relieve some of the obsession. A lot of times, fear of not finding anyone else can be the root of that obsession.
Maybe your ex truly wants to be friends with you. Just because you don't love someone like you used to, doesn't mean that you don't have feelings for them, especially if you have kids together.
It is healthier for the adults and the kids if everyone can maintain a friendly environment.
2006-07-23 06:55:25 · answer #3 · answered by jimmy h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there and done that........... The first thing you should do is find a nice local club, or hang out that you can go to on the weekend. Get your mind off the situation.... Try and make some new friends that you can go out and do things with. If you are in to online dating you may want to go to www.plentyoffish.com, this is a free web service where you can meet plenty of ladies right there where you live. If your ex says she has met someone then she probably has. Just beacuse she calls everyday doesn't mean that she wants to come back. It just means that she is selfish and is using you to make herself feel better.
You know some people who no longer want their ex's cannot deal with someone else having them. The next time she calls to let you know what is going on in her life you should say " hey babe I gotta run,, I am late for my date already"/// This will pisss her off and make her wonder....
Or just be honest and tell her that althouh you wanna remain friends you are not her councelor and therefore do not wanna know what is going on in her life unless it involves the kids.
You really need to move on for yourself and child. If at a later point you and she work things out then great... But for now try and find a new lady...
I guarantee if you get out of that house and go have some fun, and just make an effort to call up some old friends and hang out that she will not be running constantly through your mind.. Trust me.. Me and my ex husband have been divorced for 16 years. I have been married for the past 15. When I see him in Court I just laugh in my mind. I know deep down that was the best thing in the world when i got up and went on with my life..
YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!
2006-07-23 07:05:04 · answer #4 · answered by strawberri_wine31 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't make her want or love you again so you have to get over it and move on. Once she sees your not going to wait around for her she might realize what she will be losing. Other than that leave it in God hands. If it is meant to be you two will get back together. Say to yourself daily I am going to move on. Sometimes we get it into our heads that we can't. Find something to take your mind off of her and when she comes around to pick your son up say I need to really go and then go toward the door so she will see you have a life also. Sometimes we have to let go and leave it up to them.
2006-07-23 06:55:38 · answer #5 · answered by Krinta 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its normal to feel connected, you said vows and had a child together. you see her every day in him. You need to find your own self and interest in order to get back to reality. If she is the one, time will tell. Don't rely on this. Its you and your child now that make your lives together incredible. Some time you will meet the one and life then will look so much different. use your energy on yourself and child. I am positive there is someone out there for everyone.
Besides think of how hard it is on him..It is always harder on the children.
try to make plans for a friend to be there when you now she is ready to come get him...grab your jackets and head out the door. stop the games. It is important to have some communication with her for your child it is his mother, will always be part of your life. You need to separate the inner feelings, find yourself and then you will be able to see the way.
I have been divorced and now remarried for 13 years. The best separation that could of happened. Back then I turned to friends and worked myself to death.. Then Before I knew it I started to trust again and started to reunite with relationships.
I couldn't be so much more happy.
You have to keep the connection for yours sons sake, but get over the hill of the relationship and realize what you need and want.
2006-07-23 07:55:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell her to stop calling you on a daily basis. It's apparent she has feelings too, maybe jealousy moreso, but I would tell her she can only call you when it's concerning the visit of your son. I have had my share of the same problem over the years, but I cut to the chase, and came right out and told her, if it didn't involve the kids, I didn't have anything to talk about. She's dragging you on a throw line of emotions. You can still be a father without being involved in her situations, and you just need to be polite but firm.
2006-07-23 07:05:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to stop thinking about her. I know it's hard but you can't hold on to something that is not there any more. It seems to me that she likes talking to you because she feels comfortable around you, but she wants nothing more than that. You need to go out with your boys; to a bar or any scoial event. Meet new interesting females that want to talk and do other things if you know what I mean.
2006-07-23 06:59:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although you may want her back, the decision is ultimately hers. Stop obesessing over something you cannot control and move on with your life. Join a club, get a hobby, do something to preoccupy your mind rather than dwelling on your ex-wife. What's done is done.
2006-07-23 07:09:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women are attention whore's, your giving her what she wants by sitting and talking to her. She is also thinking that she has you by a string, that is she calls you and you run to her. Quit playing her games and move on with your life. To get over the obsession, just keep thinking how she is hurting you.
2006-07-23 06:54:52 · answer #10 · answered by Grandpa Shark 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋