just wanted to get his attention to let him know he cannot take me for granted. I can always break off the affair right before he returns. But I get tired of hearing about this war crap and I need a breakkkkkkkkk. I am stressed out too. I do not think I will leave him,but he just needs to understand that I can leave him and so now he can start back giving me the attention that I deserve. And this military career thing is over when he gets back and if he refuses, then maybe I really will leave him. Damn it feels good to be back in control!
2006-07-23 06:31:46 · 38 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tell me where you are maybe I can come and get me some!! since you are dishing it out anyway!
2006-07-23 07:30:00 · answer #1 · answered by manik4020 1 · 11⤊ 12⤋
Okay, when I first read this I got very pissed at you. But I am going to try to calm down while I send you this reply. I find it very hard to believe that you are having an affair while your husband is fighting a war. I also find it hard to believe that you think your stress is anywhere near what your husband feels as he puts his life on the line, lives in crappy conditions, and is not with his loved ones (that is supposed to be you by the way, his wife). How can he take you for granted when he is not even here and cannot be here if he wanted too? I can understand you wanting the military career to end but did you discuss that with him before you got married. If not shame on you. You do need to tell him how you feel about it and maybe you both can come to a compromise when he returns. But to be honest, I hope he finds out about your affair and leaves you. You do not deserve him. I hope you guys do not have any children. Go troops!!!
2006-07-23 07:26:29 · answer #2 · answered by peach 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You asked everyone to read the earlier post, well I did. Have you read them? You have flip-flopped back and forth in just last couple of hours. I can hear the stress, angry, and loneliness in your words. You need that break, to figure out what you want to do with your life. And I don't think it is to be married right now, you use your husband as a play toy. Play with him for a little while, and then put him on the shelf while you play with someone else. That's not fair to either of you. I am not going to judge you, because I have made my own mistakes, but you know what you are doing is wrong, and that is eating you up inside. How can he give you all the attention that you are craving half way around the world. He is trying to stay alive right now. He has called you 3 times all ready, he was crying he loves you, but do you love him. Must not, if you are cheating on him. No matter how lonely you can get there is other things you can do beside sleep with another man. Go out with the girls, take some college courses, learn a new hobby or language. If you want this marriage, then you have alot of work to do. I would go seek counseling now, and be prepared that your husband might want you back now. He could feel that he deserves someone who doesn't questions whether they want to be married or not-and he does deserve that, but you do too. I know you are tried of this war, and you have every right to be, but you married a military man and that comes with the terriority. So, quit having a pity-party as I call them, and make some decisions for yourself. You know what you want to do, and I know what you need to do, so do it please for both of your sakes. Gob bless all of us..........
2006-07-23 06:58:38 · answer #3 · answered by totallylost 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't seem like you should be dumping him he is fighting for our country a million miles away. He should be dumping you instead of being a honest caring loving wife and taking you wedding vows to heart you are out screwing someone that you would not leave your husband for. What kind of attention do you expect from Iraq? You need counseling. You are not in control you are out of control and sabatoshing you life and marriage with this man because his career dictates the country before you. If you married a military man you knew what you were in for stop your crying and make a choice stop being a skanky ho. Wow some woman you are seek a doctor honey cause you have snapped.
2006-07-23 06:42:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you serious? He's in Iraq!!!!!!!!!!!!!!And you think you are the one who needs a break? And you want him to give you more attention? Sweetheart, HE'S IN IRAQ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How much attention do you expect him to give you? You have to be one of the most selfish B*****S I have ever encountered in my life. If you didn't want to be with a military man then you shouldn't have married him. I think you should divorce him so that he can find someone who is going to appreciate him. He deserves way better than you.
I just read ALL of your earlier post and not only are you cheating on your husband but you are cheating with your friends husband. Have you no shame? Not only have you betrayed your husband but your friend as well.
Another thing that bothers me about you is the fact that you have no RESPECT for your husband. He's not playing GI Joe. He's working. That's the life he chose and you should respect him for that. What would you do if he told you that you had to quit your job? That's just not fair. You can't control pepole's lives like that. If you have a problem you need to sit down with him and talk it out and see if you two can come to an agreement together. But you can't just start barking out orders and expect him to listen and expect this to be a happy relationship. Marriage is about compromise. Not one person telling the other what to do. If your not willing to do that then you are never going to have a happy relationship. You need to think long and hard about what you really want out of life and talk to your husband about it so that you guys together can figure out the next step. If you decide to stay together, you need to realize that it is not going to be easy. You are always going to have to work at it.
2006-07-23 06:40:12 · answer #5 · answered by fungirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A couple of folks gave you good advise from several perspectives. I don't think you are being fair to either of you by using this time to "treat" yourself to unlimited desert. Unless you have ice water in your veins, you are going to be experiencing a lot of guilt IF your husband comes home and wants to continue in a relationship. Trust is in one the basic elements of a marriage. Trust. It's always one of the most difficult things to regain once broken. If you can be so cruel ... and even flount it in his face, which it sounds like you might be doing, then just go ahead, stick a knife in him, send him a letter, let him take himself out with some dangerous selection of duty and you'll be free to have a blast!!!!! You are no more tired of hearing about the war crap as we allllllllll are. We are all stressed out. He's tired of it too, but he can't leave it, or got out and get laid, or drink himself into oblivion. He's called to duty! Duty! To serve and obey. To honor the vow he took as an United States military person, and you took a vow to love and honor and cherish. Grow up sweetie. Life just isn't about fun and games and payback. You are angry now because he left you ..... there are lot of folks even angrier because their sons, daughters, husbands and wives left and even worse, won't ever come home. Now those people are really really hacked off. We choose ways to deal with out anger. We can choose healthy ways, or ways that create only more damage. You are blowing up the bridge he might want to walk over on the way back to you. Find a therapist or support group to help you work through this anger issue and be proud to have a husband willing to live and die for a country he believes he. We thank him and honor him. Be pround he's not a deserter or a traitor. Be proud he's trying to be honorable. "And you should do the same.
2006-07-23 06:50:42 · answer #6 · answered by Katieshouse 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Athena,
Being a military wife is tough-I know, I'm there myself. However, I knew what being a military wife entailed before I married my husband. I knew that I would be playing "second fiddle" for the duration of his career-he is contracted by the government to be anywhere in the world at a moment's notice: with or without me. And what do you know-I married him anyway-and haven't regretted a second of it. Your husband does not have a choice in his military service; he signed a contract that he has to fulfill unless something happens to him that prevents him from serving. Have you thought about the fact that if he is able to retire from the military with a full pension that you two will probably be financially okay for the rest of your lives? Maybe that is his plan, so that he can take care of his wife and children. If that's the case, I don't think he's taking you for granted, I think he is thinking of your future together.
You know first hand being separated sucks. I mean, really sucks!! I am fortunate enough to have a good family support group that I can turn to if I get into a financial bind or just need someone to talk to. I know your husband's unit has one to-check it out and see-maybe you can get to know one of the wives and hang out, shop, etc.
As for missing sex-come on, girl! This is the 21st century and self-love is no longer taboo. Do what you have to, but for pete's sake don't cheat on your husband. I'm willing to bet that the attention and affection that you seek is not found in an affair, and the physical part you can take care of yourself. You'd best sit down and think long and hard about the implications of an affair-put yourself in his shoes-how would you feel?
You're not the only one in this situation, sister-we're all stressed. We're all sick of the war crap. We're all tired of worrying about those we love and we're tired of not having anyone at the house to help us with the day-to-day chores and crap, and we're sick and tired of the military. Welcome to the club. Your husband more than likely would rather be home with you than in some god-forsaken war-torn country. His tour is not forever. The key is to stay busy-the time will pass quickly if your focus is elsewhere. If you're lonely, why don't you invite a family member to visit, or go visit friends? If you're bored, get a job, a hobby, or volunteer your time. Maybe research starting your own business.
Lastly, if you have decided that a divorce is the way to go, at least wait until he comes home so that you can talk to him in person-everyone deserves at least that. I think it would be downright cruel of you to break his heart by telling him on the phone or whatever. It's normal for us all to be selfish at times, but I think it's sad you're letting something petty like "not getting enough attention" get to you and is making you consider leaving him and having an affair. Don't you remember how excited and happy you were on your wedding day? Well, why not let the second happiest day be the day you get to run and jump into his arms when he comes home? And better-doing it with a clear conscience-don't have an affair and don't play these stupid "utimatum" games with your husband-he doesn't deserve it.
Good Luck.
2006-07-23 09:49:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I assume that you have never been to war. You don't know what it's like to have your life on the line. To be woken up in the middle of the night to the sound of gunfire. To have rockets and missles fly over your head. You can not imagine the stress that comes with being in a war zone, away from the comforts of home, away from the known.
Do you realize that you are his source of strength? While he is out fighting, he is thinking about you and your marriage. Maybe it's not perfect but it's something to go home to, something to fight for, and something to bring peace of mind to him. He is incapable of giving you the attention that you so desperatly seek. And he needs to talk to you about the war, it helps him get through everyday.
And you devalue him so much that you are out having sex with someone else. Amazing! How would you feel if he were doing the same thing to you? What if you are not giving him what he needs, and he is looking for someone to make him feel loved?
You don't think you want a divorce? Stop cheating. Give him a chance without the added confusion of a sex buddy.
The root of your problem is the military and you need to talk to your husband about that. You know that he is committed to the military and that is something that's out of your control. You can't give him an ultimatium when he gets back. He has a contract with the military and he may not be able to get out of it right away.
So, you think you're in control by having sex with someone else? Sorry to say, but you are out of control. You need to get a hold of yourself and try to work on your marriage first.
2006-07-23 07:43:37 · answer #8 · answered by torn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, at first I was really upset to see what you've done but I'm in the somewhat same situation right now. My hubby is in Iraq and I think it's been the best thing for me and for our relationship. He's gone and now I can BREATHE!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, he was the ******** that voted for Bush, so now he's there supporting him and this war. But to be honest, I don't let him know that. He's got enough on his plate (watching for the bullets, I hope will hit him) without worrying about his wife having sex with the whole company. Last thing I want him to think is that I want him dead. He can find that out after he gets back. I don't want his blood on my hands unless I put it there.
Oh and I'm not cheating on him. That's just dirty. But if I did hate him that much I still wouldn't tell him. I've seen people do that to their partners and the partners are just never the same...it crushes their spirits.
2006-07-23 06:41:04 · answer #9 · answered by shawonda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is wrong with you? You dont have any control what so ever. Your husband is in the millitary and he is fighting to for our country. He needs your support not you cheating on him to get his attention. How is he taking you for granted? HE IS IN IRAQ DOING HIS JOB!!!!!!!!!!! You knew this could possiably happen marrying a military man. Last year my friend got back from iraq and it was really hard for me to know that he was over there and that he could have got hurt or somthing worse. Have you thought about that? Iam sorry that you are stressed but if you used your head, you would not be in this stiuation that you are in. Good luck on your journey in life.
2006-07-23 06:55:05 · answer #10 · answered by Bowling Queen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be normal to have needs when your spouse is away for long periods of time, but he needs a break too. I'm assuming military since you say Iraq...for God's sake, he's fighting a war. War is hell on the homefront too...but always remember it's he who is risking his life for your freedom. It sounds like the two of you had issues before he left. If that's the case, then work on those issues, but don't use Iraq as an excuse.
2006-07-23 06:36:21 · answer #11 · answered by allmyluv2my3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋