What's so bad about nice and shy people?

Question

Why does it seem that people tend to dislike nice-n-shy people? They are usually quiet and careful with their manners meaning that will not offend you, will not insult you, will not disrespect you, will not act like they care less about you, just super nice. I've seen with my own eyes how people warm up to their enemies before warming up to one who is shy n nice...so what they're more quiet than most...maybe SEEM a bit prudish because theyre a bit timid...but what harm does that bring to you? With many, when you don't immediately LOOK for reasons to hate them and be annoyed by them upon acquaintance, and take the time to get to know them, you'll find they may become an entirely new person once they establish a comfort level with you?

Why does it bother you so much that I am quiet, but so damn nice? Would you prefer for us to be mean to you? Really?

Brutally honest answers are definitely welcomed...and if open for discussion please leave your contact info.

answering a question: When I say warming up to ME...sometimes someone will ignore my shyness and we can get pass the "Hi, how are you" conversation, but they will still act apprehensive and reluctant to converse or initiate conversation. So I wonder why after the initial conversation, why do they continue to fear or be uncomfortable with my shyness. Im nice and shy...sounds like a safe combination to me..shouldn't fear it. The whole concept is ironic.

In response to the 4th answer, being shy and defending for yourself are 2 completely different things. SOme of us are just more tolerable of nonsense than most people, but we do have limits in which we will not hesitate to stand up for ourselves. You have to learn to put your foot down when your nice and shy because you find people who try to take advantage of you ALL THE TIME.

Answer 1

I know how you feel; I have also noticed how people just ignore nice, quiet people. Just because were quiet doesnt mean we dont want people to talk to us. And then people think they can talk to us and treat us any kind of way because we wont say anything. But look at how those same people will tiptoe around loud-mouthed people!
On the other hand though, I also noticed being a quiet person, that it REALLY IS easier to talk to outgoing people because they make it more clear whether or not they like you, so you feel more comfortable around them. Its funny because even though i myself am a quiet person, I have to be honest and say that I
actually enjoy being around more talkative people. Most of my friends end up being outgoing and I usually find that I am the quietest person in the group. This is because I can freely express myself without worrying about what they are thinking about me. Its the quiet people who I think are judging me because they arent saying anything. Even though it may not be the case.
I hate it when people assume we stuck up and they be hateing on us though. If they would just treat us like normal, they would see that we are cool people. I am always trying to come up with ways to be more approachable. My advice would be to observe what it is in people that makes you comfortable around them, and then try to portray that in your own character.
I thought I was the only one who felt this way and its good to know that someone else notices these things too. And by the way, you dont seem so bad to me. we probly have alot in common. I wouldnt mind contacting my email address is:
[e-mail]

Answer 2

I think there could be all sorts of reasons. Here are a few. But before I get into that, I wanted to mention that I doubt *all* people have problems with nice & shy folks. Some people do and they likely have different reasons.

It could be jealousy. Someone may be jealous that the nice person is nice and quiet and is comfortable being so. Some people have a very hard time spending time quietly by themselves and this may then lead them to be jealous of those who can.

It could be fear. By definition, if someone is shy and quiet, it means that they don't let others get to know them or see inside them as may be the case with others. So then the outsiders get scared of the unknown.

It could be suspicion. Some people may think that the quiet demeanor covers some controversial aspect of the person. I guess this relates to fear. They wonder why the person can't be more open and approachable. They might also wonder whether the niceness is genuine or whether it's just an act. And since they can't get to know the person very well given their shyness, they don't have much information on which to believe that the person is genuinely nice.

Answer 3

You sound like you have a similar personality type to my sister. I am the louder one, the one who will walk up to someone and start a convo. She is the opposite though. She will wait for people to talk to her. We are both nice, we have the same basic views on a lot of things and we usually are friends with the same people. I am just more prone to trusting people right away and she takes a long time to trust and open up to people. There are pros and cons to both of our personality types. I am more likely to have lots of friends but they come and go or I can trust the wrong person and get a bit hurt. But she has a few, close friends that she keeps for life. She is more picky but she has good taste, so when she picks a friend you know that person is quality.
Some things people have said to me (my sister and I are very close in age and we hang out a lot) are that my sister seems judgmental...she doesn't always jump into convos, she listens, so people don't know what she is thinking. People are naturally a bit paranoid about what other people think so if a person doesn't get some sort of feedback that you like them they assume you don't like them.
It's not that they don't like you, it's just they don't know what you are thinking, they are unsure how to approach you if you don't give them any of the normal social ques to respond to. If you just smile and nod a bit more, ask a question or 2 and try to look like you like yourself then people will like you more. They need reassurance that they aren't offending you.
The fact that you said "take the time to get to know them, you'll find they may become an entirely new person once they establish a comfort level with you" makes me think maybe you put on a front for people. I understand. You don't let people in right away, and no says you have to. But you have to make people want to get to know you, make them comfortable too. And why would you be an entirely different person? Do you have any confidence issues? I feel like some people in your shoes are not as sure about themselves (we all feel that way sometimes) so they are a little afraid to show their true selves right away. And it takes a long time to crack the shell and see that "different person". I know that taking the time to get to know a quiet person is worth the time and effort because you often get one of the best and loyal friends out of it...but people aren't always willing to put that much time and effort into forming a relationship that is only a maybe.
Don't be too hard on people. Think about the type of people you like to be around...people that are optimistic and smile? People that are little darker? The only way to make friends is to put yourself out there...take a few risks...others won't take the risk unless you are willing to also.
Good Luck!

Answer 4

I am personally a nice and shy person as well, but I don't exactly see your point. I mean when you're shy YOU don't immediately warm up to someone. There's always this awkward phase where your super quiet and super polite and aren't really personable at all. So why are you wondering why they don't warm up to you? I find that I have to keep pushing contact with someone to get to past the awkward phase, and once I'm more honest with them they're more friendlier with me. It's not that people prefer mean, but they do want you to be yourself and the super quiet, super polite facade makes it seem like you can't do that with them. Often they'll interpret that you don't really like them or are 'too cool' for them. I hope that helps you understand a lil, I have a yahoo mail account under this name if you wanna discuss.

Answer 5

I too am one of those "nice and shy" people. I have been in situations that I couldn't get out of and for self preservasion I had to act very tough and oh my gosh what a difference it made in how people treated me. In those situtions they turned out favorably, but I didn't really like being that way but iit worked I just felt I was being someone I was not, but that too doesn't make sense cause even when I am my nice shy self eventually the real me does come out if given enough time for me to feel comfortable and 'show' who I really am.

Answer 6

i'm a shy, great guy, and that i be conscious of I actual have a nasty component, and that i dated a pair ladies that replaced into a similar. you will by no skill assume them to be that way, yet they only became on a swap, and that they have been undesirable! lol

Answer 7

Eliminate Social Anxiety Shyness - http://SocialAnxiety.uzaev.com/?uthB

Answer 8

I'm quite person were treated badly

Answer 9

there is nothing bad about them , in fact I like respectful people , may be because I am of that type , and I don't see anything bad in this.

Answer 10

I DO NOT DISLIKE SHY AND QUIET PEOPLE.BUT IF YOU ARE SHY AND QUIET THEN THAT MEANS YOU LET PEOPLE WALK ALL OVER THEM.AND THAT PEOPLE TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU.