I am in the most unusal marriage. I probably should move on but don't know how even with help from professionals its hard. Please tell me if its just me or am I justified.I have always thought our marriage was odd. He likes to drink and party (as well as his family)and watch porn and expect me to be the star if you get my drift. He is very intelligent and good with people...one of those everyone likes him type. He is very close to his family...and friends....but somehow I get lost in the shuffle....I am expected to do as I am told and enjoy everything he likes and want to do it too. But I pretend to in order to keep him happy. He still continues to drink actually got caught once at work but they let him off....can't lose this guy he is smart and all the union guys like him. He moved me to the country which I hate but tried to make work....I got a horse and he had to get chickens, roosters and now a cow. I am not this type of person and I do tell him but it falls on deaf ears. ...I think I would leave but on the other hand I am petrified to go...and I don't know why....I could go on and on and on but I figure someone will understand. Any words of wisdom?
2006-07-23 05:29:58 · 15 answers · asked by Lucy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Confront him in a way that he can't ignore. threaten to lock him out of the house, dump his beer, etc.... If he still doesn't listen confront a pastor and/or a marriage counselor. have them help. Talk to his family, mainly the women. If none of that helps, get a seperation and see if he starts paying attention. Again, if he doesn't, all out divorce him. Take half his crap and leave him to his own devices.
2006-07-23 05:43:15 · answer #1 · answered by bobsanderson92 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think you already know the answer--that you and your husband are fundamentally incompatible. But maybe it's gone on so long that you don't know how to change it. You have allowed yourself to be led through life, and it's time to stop. Change is hard, and you just have to approach it one step at a time. If you have a job, or the skills necessary to get a job, you need to have some financial resources in order to move out and initiate divorce proceedings if that is what you truly want to do. Do you have any family you can rely on, maybe to stay with until you get a place of your own? Hopefully your husband is not controlling to the point of being abusive or violent. If that is the case, you'll need to find a safe house. This is your life, and you have the right to live it. Otherwise you are living someone else's life, but at the end you're the one who has to face your own death. At that moment, don't you want to be able to say your life meant something?
Yes, you're scared. Fear is part of change, but courage is moving forward in spite of your fear. Things may get worse before they get better, but they will get better over time--if you take positive steps. Maybe you should start by sitting your husband down and telling him all these things. He might be surprised to find out that you are not the person you've been pretending to be. Who are you, exactly?
2006-07-23 05:44:27 · answer #2 · answered by Nefertiti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Follow your heart. To waste your life doing stuff you do not like and let someone dominate you is wrong. Everyone has to make tough decisions in life and do what they feel is best to really have a life. He needs to change and show you more respect. The door locks from the inside and where there is a will there is a way. Look to your inner feelings to decide what is right and take action. Continuing in a unhappy relationship will only bring problems in the future. Get out now while yo have something going for you. Time is you enemy and the value you have now will decline as you stay in a frustrated relationship.
2006-07-23 05:42:31 · answer #3 · answered by mr conservative 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like your in a marriage you don't want to be in. If your that unhappy, You really need to make a change in your life. Life is way to short not to enjoy it. You sound like you need some laughter and freedom. Take a vacation. Away from him for a couple weeks. If you both can't live without each other than there is something there. But if you find you are enjoying life for a change, than maybe you should think about moving on. Go with what your heart tells you. Good Luck, and God Bless.
2006-07-23 05:40:30 · answer #4 · answered by ASTORROSE 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him what you said and if he still falling deafears and then you just need to move on. If you don't your husband will lose his job, and someday he will killed someone in car accdent if he drink and drive and Why should you be responable for that person? You knew what he is like and what ODD marriage will be like. I think you should right now move on and Not good. What you want is a great Marriage where husband don't drink, really loves you and trust you and being there for you and don't have deafears, well I do have deaf ears both and my wife is hearing and she knows sign lang. if I don't like it I just close my eyes. hahah. My point is that you know what kind of husband you want and if not then you will need to stay with him until something happen.. people will look at you and say that guy's wife why didn't she do something about it???
see what happen good luck to you.
2006-07-23 06:10:15 · answer #5 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your unhappy and he is making you participate in activities your not comfortable with then I suggest you make plans on moving out. If it is finances, I suggest getting a job, and saving money. If you take care of the bills, then I suggest you put back some of your grocery money each week and before you know it you will have money to move out on.
If you truly want out, you will make it happen.
No offense, but I was in an abusive situation did it for 8 yrs. Saved money the last 1 yr and never looked back. You can do anything as long as you but your mind to it.
Life is not about pretending it is about love and understanding. Life is already complicated enough without someone like him casing more grief to you. So when you really are ready to leave and leave for good. You will do whatever it takes to move on and never look back.
You will then wonder why you stayed in it for so long and kick yourself daily for a while, but it too shall pass and life is great :)
2006-07-23 05:43:40 · answer #6 · answered by young at heart 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it sounds to me as if he feels in some way, as he moved you from what, the city to the country?Or from another country?That he feels he is in control and wants the control, along with his family and friends. The big problem here, which may be bringing all of this other behavior on and his own problems and issues, is the drinking. It is one thing to drink, socially, and have a good time but when he is drinking and almost lost his job, etc, that is a huge problem, called alcoholism. I lived that life growing up and can tell you, that unless he wants to change, he wants to get help and go for AA meetings, you want to go to AA meetings for the spouse and get yourself some help, take care of you. It takes a lot of courage, inner strength, right now you are going with what you know. Don't be hard on yourself about it, just go with what you are feeling. To me, I am hearing that you are not happy at all, you are stuck, but you don't have to be, you can make choices, different choices, make a change. In the meantime, say the Serenity prayer, God grant me the courage to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.....it helps! Go to support groups, one on one counseling, and take care of yourself. Your life will begin to change, and you will know then and be that much stronger(it isn't an easy walk, at all, but in the journey you will find yourself, who you are, what you want and an increased self esteem)and healthier for it all! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Best of everything to you, you deserve it!!
2006-07-23 05:43:20 · answer #7 · answered by Laurie S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes we are torn, between wanting to keep out partner happy, more than we are happy. And we get lost inside...from this question...I think if you reread it, you already know the answer. I think you just want other people to validate it for you. You know your very unhappy...and if this man truly cared for you, he would occasionally ask for your opionon and how you feel about certain issues, after all you guys are a team.
However he seems pretty inconsiderate, and self absorbed in his life. If you really dont want to lose him, and you think hes worth keeping, then talk to him about everything. Communication is key. If after you talk to him about and he blows you off, then I would say leave him....but alas, if he is really a good man, he will probably think about what hes done and most definetly want a strong woman back, and would be able to compromise with you.
If he doesnt care, then screw him, be strong enough to leave him and find someone who truly deserves you. Good Luck :o)
2006-07-23 05:44:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonstar 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your fear of leaving has empowered your husband to treat you the way that he does. It sounds like what you do to make him happy isn't making you happy. Is that how you want to live the rest of your life? If so, then stay. If not then the hardest part of leaving is taking the first step. Right now, it sounds like you've got one foot out the door and the other on a banana peel.
2006-07-23 05:37:00 · answer #9 · answered by NyteWing 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it sounds like you are very unhappy in this relationship, i would try counsling 1st, but i mean if you have exhausted all possibilities than the inevitable is that you must leave him. Its not worth it to run through life in a loveless marriage. Be true to yourself and never let him keep you down.
2006-07-23 05:51:25 · answer #10 · answered by "the Otter" 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋