Facts feel like he is cheating on me,married for 6 years - two kids... Indications are marriage will not work?

Question

I have been married for 6 years with two kids. Financially sound and great job. When I am travelling out of town work related, I found out that my husband had called and have paged 2 girls from hooters. Girls call him all the time. He feels like I am insecured. Obviously something is not right. He does not come near me or would do anything for me to feel he loves me. Not even a kiss on my birthday, gift is out of question. I have phone bills that show he has called and his IM shows he has paged this girls from hooters when I was out. Only thing that is holding me up from walking out of door is my two kids. I think they deserve a better life. When I approached hte issue, he makes me believe that he doesnt remember any of this. I am heart broken, depressed and emotionally broken down. I dont want a divorce but cannot leave with him, because I have fear that I might loose either of my child.
I am soooooo confused dont know what to do. My husband does not believe in counselling or help.

Answer 1

well i think he cheated and you need to talk it out rather than rush into conclusions

Answer 2

Yeah, your husband doesn't believe in counseling or help. What he believes in is lying, denying, and cheating. He blames you when he is the one out fooling around with the Hooters girls. He is so full of it!

You should know that divorce courts usually favor the mother taking care of the children. They prefer to let the husband provide financially through child support and/or alimony payments. The courts do not look favorably on men who cheat.

You may want to consider forming a plan on how you can leave him. Where will you and your children stay and how can you provide for yourself financially until you take him to court?

Answer 3

First, there isn't an easy answer.
There is more than one kind of 'cheating.' Just b/c you can't prove that he has slept with another woman, you already have enough proof that he has been unfaithful to your heart.
You need to educate yourself on your state laws about divorce, and the best way to do this is do research (short of retaining the services of an attorney).
It is going to hurt like h*ll, I will tell you that right off. And you are going to feel like you are being sneaky and doing him wrong, but do your best to keep your sanity and your children in the forefront.
I will warn you that if he finds out that you are even looking into divorce he is going to make you feel worse, but you are going to have to be strong through his accusations.
Anyway, I've been through this. We made it through. It took a lot of changing on both our parts.
We had screaming matches and there were new rules made that we both agreed on and had to live by.
We wound up moving from the city we were in to get away from not only the 'other woman' but from all the hurt that was there as well.
You need to tell him how you are feeling. Tell him what you know for fact! Again, he is going to make you feel like you are wrong, but he is the one being unfaithful.
As far as loosing your kids goes, if it comes to court, if it is proven he is the one that was unfaithful I don't believe you would loose your kids.
That's one of the things you have to educate yourself on, though, find out what the state laws are regarding your being able to support them w/o him. I mean he would have to pay child support, I am sure, but you have to prove your job wouldn't put them at risk, more than likely. (I say that b/c he might use your traveling a lot ... if you do ... as leverage.)
Use the internet and learn the laws where you are. Get counseling on your own, since he won't go with you. Find a friend or family member to be your rock. You can't do it alone.
HUGS TO YOU!

Answer 4

You say that you have been in this marriage (?) for 6 years. You have a great job. Your husband is a cheater and a whore monger. He doesn't respect you or your children. No Gifts. No kisses. You even say that your children deserve a better life. You are heart broken,depressed, and emotionally broken down.

Of course he doesn't want counseling. He doesn't want to change and they would tell him to. He wants to continue to disrespect you and your children.

Therefore you and your children deserve better than this. You can make it. This is not the way to live. You have figured that out. Why on earth would you loose your children??? You haven't done anything wrong except to live with this disrespectful looser and disrespect yourself in doing so.

Answer 5

you seem to have indicated good reasons to be alarmed, depressed, and emotionally worn. firstly you need to ensure that he is in fact doing the things that he's doing; making an incorrect accusation can harm your whole family. if he is doing the phoning be aware of other behaviours. you say he doesn't show you affection....some times that can be a sign that someone else is involved in that he is giving attention to them. you say you haven't left because of your children, that they deserve a better life....and so do you. living with a person who may not have the same love for you as you for them is not fair to you, especially if he's giving that away to someone else! and you know what, a better life for your children is not staying in the relationship where the relationship might turn ugly for them to see. i'm guessing the feelings you listed stem a large part from the falling apart of the relationship. maybe you don't want to let go. respect yourself and do the right thing, for you and your children. the short term heart ache, if the decision is to leave, will allow you to deal with the feelings of depression from this relationship. move through these feelings, and move on with your life.

Answer 6

Whether he believe in couseling or not, you both need to go.. That is if he wants this marriage saved. He's guilty and thats why he puts the blame back on you on being insecure, and he just happens to not remember those phone calls, how convenient-- He doesnt have to defend himself that way. You NEED to make sure he understands how serious this is with you and that you feel your marriage is about to end. You will know by his expressions if he wants you or out of this relationship. If he wants you.. he will end the phone calls and consider counseling.. Good luck, God bless.

Answer 7

Divorce him. He'll believe in that.
There are more than four and a half BILLION people on the globe. HALF OF THEM ARE MEN! You'll certainly find someone better.
And don't do like friends of mine that was in your situation : don't wait and wait hoping he'll be better.
Of course he will be. When he is 72 , sick and need you as a nurse. But hopefully you have found a much nicer person to live with LOOOONG before then. And remember to take half of everything when you leave!

Answer 8

Your husband is trying to make his cheating your fault by saying that YOU are insecure. Get to marriage counseling and to an attorney. Your husband is manipulative and this is not how a marriage or a relationship should be. You and your children deserve better.

Answer 9

Do you think you are doing the kids a favor by staying with him. They deserve a Mommy that is happy. He is
having girls call him, how much more do you need to know? Look, take the info you have and get a lawyer,
get whatever you can get and make a new life for you and your kids. Don't let him blame you for his behavior, it's not your fault.!!!!

Answer 10

Let him think you are on a business trip and follow him for a couple of days....You'll find out! I did this but found out more that I wanted to know in the long run so now I'm divorced...Good luck to you :-)

Answer 11

You really need to set boundries with him. A good book to read oncerning this is Boundries in marriage. It's in all the Christian bookstores. He is taking advantage of you because he can. You have to set a boundry and tell him there will be consequences if he oversteps the boundry. a good Christian counselor would definately not hurt your situation.