my husband of almost 10 years, has been acting weird for the past few weeks. I confronted him and he says he loves me but is not sure that he wants to be married anymore. he say's he needs more excitement in his life and wants to go out without having to answer to anyone. I found out he was talking to this girl online (from I don't know where) and I found out that he is talking to several girls but it's like he's trying to pretend to be someone he's not. I haven't seen him since friday he hasn't come home. and when I tried to call his cell phone it goes to voice mail. we have a daughter and the only reason i haven't kicked him out is because I can't make it financilally on my own and we are behind on a few bills, and why should I get stuck with all the mess. he will be home sometime today because we have to go to work tommorow and our daughter has to go to daycare and since we only have 1 car he has to come home today. what should I do? is this a phase he's going through or am I doomed
2006-07-23 04:09:28 · 8 answers · asked by pd 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
see the thing is .. he's getting ready to be 36 years old next month so it a midlife crisis.? and I do believe he is just here with me because he will be broke if he leaves. because i will require a portion of his check for my $850 rent, $445 car pymt, day care ect.. I can't pay all those bills on my own. from mysalary alone. and keep up with the demand of a 9 year old daughter. so he can't afford to live on his own and if he moves in with some girl then he would have to tell her about him actually being married and where his money is going and that initself might end his relationship there because she will feel betrayed and lied to. and who wants to be the other woman. see the thing is that he is not honest with them. I went online last week and told one girl that he was married and I was the wife of 10years and what the hell waw she doing telling my husband that she loves him.( whom she never met only talked to online ) and he got pissed at me for doing that.she dumped him (ha ha)
2006-07-23 04:43:53 · update #1
she texted him and told him that i had told her the truth and she called it off with him. and she told me that she didn't know and if she knew it never would have started. so he gets mad at me for telling her this. and doesn't speak to me for like1 day. so he's not being honest with anyone one I wonder if it's a game he's playing.
2006-07-23 04:46:53 · update #2
Honey it is a game plus wanting his cake and eat it too. Don't fall for that line mid life crisis. He wants something different then you want. Don't allow yourself to be sucked into his games. Hold your head up and leave him. If he really and honestly loved you he would not be treating you this way. Yes, it is hard to leave because no one likes change but in this case he made the change in your life and you have to live with it. It is how you adjust to the change that will make you a stronger woman.
2006-07-23 10:59:03 · answer #1 · answered by cejay1953 6 · 6⤊ 0⤋
To answer your question, no this isn't some phase men go through. It sounds to me like he's cheating on you. Many women find themselves in your position of feeling as though they will have to deal with a huge mess and can't make it financially. What they find out in the long run is that they can afford to leave because ex-husbands will have to pay alimony and/or child support.
He may be unhappy due to your financial problems, but running around pretending to be someone else isn't going to solve those problems. He may be thinking that he will do better by himself than being married to you. This is never the case, and it's especially not the case if you are not working.
In the meantime, if you leave him you can get money from social assitance. Any money they give you will have to be repaid by him in the future. In any case, you should begin to consider where you can live and how you will begin to pay for things.
2006-07-23 11:29:16 · answer #2 · answered by Perfectly Said 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a phase he's going through, and you could also be doomed. Sorry hon.
But your husband has to realize that once he's created a child, he is GOING TO BE ANSWERABLE TO SOMEONE for the rest of his life - and at least until the kid's done with college.
You need to give him a reality check. Or maybe one of his guy friends. Or a bunch of you.
I don't know how old your husband is, but if he's in his 40's, mid-life crisis is certainly a possiblity.
If he leaves you, he'll be "free" but he'll also be completely f*cking broke! He will have to pay at least 1/3 of his salary towards child support for your daughter, and you may be able to swing "rehabilitatve alimony" as well, if you've been staying home running the house and out of the job market during your marriage. He won't have enough money for more than a crappy studio apartment in a bad neighborhood. What girl is going to want to date him when he has no money to take them anywhere?
And if he refuses to pay his child support, he can wind up in jail. Lot's of "freedom" there.
See if you can just talk with him and find out what his current objections to marraige are. Maybe see a counselor together.
This problem could be solved if you 2 can try to spice up your sex life. Hire a babysitter and check into a sleazy motel for 4 hours. Play "role playing" games (like "the pirate and the saucy wench" or something like that). Dress up for him. Get toys. Try new things together. That may be enough to keep him home, and offline.
good luck to you!
2006-07-23 11:21:59 · answer #3 · answered by voxwoman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow it's time to ditch that turkey and by the way get a cheaper car and downsize every bill you can , get a lawyer, change the locks and put his *** on that don't date him dot com site also take out an add in the paper saying your not responsible for his bills since insert day you boot him out. Do you want your daughter to grow up thinking us women are so frail and weak we will put up with this **** just to have a man around, mine won't. Dump him and tell him your new 22 year old booty call is all you need and he will have fun getting a girlfriend when he is broke, 10 years equals spousal support not to mention child support. Grow a backbone and get some self respect today, no one can do that for you but you.
2006-07-23 12:39:57 · answer #4 · answered by sherzada8 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start seeking advice from a lawyer NOW before it gets too out of hand. Also, in the mean time, start talking with family and close friends to get you some advice on how to fix the financial situation on your behalf. If he's on a level like that he doesn't respect you anymore, and there may not be any turning back. Good luck!
2006-07-23 11:19:18 · answer #5 · answered by R J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Online affairs are a threat to marriages these days.U've to take /convince him for marriage counseling.This phase will pass.
2006-07-23 11:23:24 · answer #6 · answered by aquarian 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOu need to find ways and means to get out of this marriage.
2006-07-23 11:44:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he want,s to play single that he should be single. You deserve better.
2006-07-23 11:16:23 · answer #8 · answered by big jack 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋