I have a wonderful relationship with my partner of 7 years. We have a shared dream for the future and are working hard to make that dream a reality. When we are together we enjoy each others company but we have hit a big challenge - we rarely see each other. We live in the same house and share a bed but it can be a week or more between us sitting down to a meal together due to the pressures and nature of our work. It isn't a matter of putting work before each other - its just the way work keeps working out - I have a day off and he doesn't and vice versa - we're both freelance so its difficult to turn work down if it comes our way and as we want to finance our dream and get there ASAP. But it is hard and it can feel pretty lonely - my partner is my best friend and I miss him and our social life suffers as any time we do get we want to spend exclusively with each other. Can anyone sugest strategies to help us thorugh this tricky time?
2006-07-23 03:52:05 · 28 answers · asked by Leapling 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Bit more info - I'm a chef, he works in TV. Our dream is to run a restaurant aborad - to give us more time together.
2006-07-23 04:08:20 · update #1
What an interesting question! But so hard to resolve with a few type-strokes! You have two brave choices to consider here .... either adapt your work styles to fit in with each other or accept the inevitable and plough on towards that dream future. The simplest course would be status quo and keep that dream future clearly in your mind .... if it is going to be a reality, then the grief right now can be absorbed with a certain amount of acceptance. Whatever that future dream is, try 'advertising' it around the house, make up posters spelling out your aim and how long that may take ... make the house become alive with your dream so that you can both see and share it every day, albeit at different times. Try adding fairy lights around the posters to enhance the dream effect. Simply bring the house into the equation. In addition to this, you could try reminding yourselves of each other when you come home .... leave romantic notes on every occasion, buy an electronic memo recorder ... always have that spoken or written word to come home to. Make sure you text each other every day ... something short and sweet ... always add kisses. When the loneliness set in, walk around the house, take time out to remind yourselves of each other with photos, or simply peek in wardrobes at their clothes to keep that closeness .... spray the bed with his favourite afteshave if he has one and vice versa.
IF that doesn't help, you simply must adapt work to suit. I guess that your both probably workaholics and that may well be hard to do .... but remember no one is indispensible regardless of how it seems .... try imagining that one of you has broken a leg .... how would you adapt? There is always an alternative way to do things. Its like everything in life, sometimes you are too close to the problem to see the wood for the trees, as they say. That may well be a problem for you .... think about it. Sometimes we all need to rely on someone from outside to provide something new ... that's all you need, something new. Good luck .... and don't forget those kisses!
2006-07-23 04:29:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 11⤊ 1⤋
Of course it's a matter of putting work before each other! I was in a similar situation, didn't address the problem, and things went badly wrong. Talk about a new dream/aim that will suffice for today. Shelve the ultimate dream for a while, still your aim, in time. Don't want everything as quickly as possible, learn to live now. If you both really are genuinely in love with each other, talk, talk,...and talk some more. Happiness can slip through your fingers, don't let it happen because you are blinded by a dream. What would you miss most? your dream? or your partner?
2006-07-23 05:42:32 · answer #2 · answered by Dick s 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is something that can happen to any couple, married or not. It is a challenge but not impossible to overcome. Since you aren't physically together much, send each other emails, leave notes, and write letter to each other when you have time and the other is at work to tell each other what is going on in your day. Do quick phone calls on breaks, while traveling, or when you know the other has a few minutes, even if all you get to say is "I was thinking of you, I love you". The letters and calls will keep that connection there when you can't be together and lets you feel the person is close to you in spirit if not body.
2006-07-23 04:09:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First you BOTH have to ask yourself is the dream you are trying to reach worth loosing each other over. Whoever said a relationship shouldn't be wok was wrong because it is. You have to make time for each other whether it is one of you getting up earlier than normal for 30 minutes togetherness in the morning or staying up late for the same. Miss a job yes it might set the savings account back a week or two but it gives you the time to connect with each other. My now husband and I went through that when we were dating and we would meet on the side of the road and talk in passing or text message each other throughout the day, no it wasn't the same as spending time together but it did let us stay connected. Good luck
2006-07-23 04:07:44 · answer #4 · answered by Martha S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Set a time limit on the present practice. You'll both keep busting for 18 more months or some other number. Negotiate the number and think how you'll you change the pattern then. IF you are both doing reasonable well, make an commitment to "take a break" for a cay or two every couple of weeks. Would that help? You WILL, if you are successful, be glad you did what you are doing, tough as it is. It's a LOT easier to keep the good financial ball rolling once you get it going than it is to get it going in the first place.
2006-07-23 04:00:08 · answer #5 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you really need to work that hard? If you both go part time that would be a fulltiome job between you. The best things in life are free. You have a roof over your head right? water right? So the only money you need is for the house and food. You love each other make the most of it, surely thats the dream really.
2006-07-23 08:17:38 · answer #6 · answered by freddy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave little notes for each other around the house that the other will be sure to find once you leave. For example, in the car, in the medicine cabinet, fridge, on the pillow. You could even leave corny little momentos to remind each other of the good times you've had in the past. Send text messages when you have a chance, or even call each other when you get a spare moment. It's hard when your schedules don't meet up. But stick with it, and the reward over shadow the separation you are feeling now. Good luck.
2006-07-23 03:58:17 · answer #7 · answered by Mary J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your question seems to be one of asking for strategies because you are both busy. The reality is, you are both working hard and often work opposite schedules. One thing you can do to feel less lonely and more involved with your partner is constantly communicate with him. Email, text messaging, telephone, etc.
As far as your social life, you two may have to do things socially even if the other isn't around. This will let your friends know that you still care about them. Yes, it's not often fun to go places without your significant other, but that is simply one more sacrafice you make in achieving your goals.
Sure, you can have it "all", but sometimes you just can't have it "all" at every moment.
2006-07-23 04:17:32 · answer #8 · answered by Perfectly Said 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow that really sucks. Is it possible for you guys to work on the same hob together even if only once to see how it goes? Or set up a special holiday for each other. I know it is a tough spot to be in but my husband and I went thru a very similar situation and we have been married for 10 years and we had some rough time but we made it thru okay. We now have worked it out and we have plenty of time for each other and our 2 children.
But leave each other notes,and send sexy little messages to each other.
Best of Luck!!!
Hang in there you 2 will find a way to make it all work out!
2006-07-23 04:06:52 · answer #9 · answered by hummingbird 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this is the antithesis of spontanaiety, but you two need to just sit down (or call each other from work) and schedule time together just as if you were trying to arrange a meeting for work. If you can get one or 2 hours a week, and just for hanging out together time, not necessarily for initmate activities, would that help?
And try to plan "mini vacations" every couple months (or more frequently if you can) - a weekend for just the 2 of you. You two deserve some couple time and reward yourselves for all your hard work.
Good luck on attaining your dreams!
2006-07-23 04:27:57 · answer #10 · answered by voxwoman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋