my husband does not want me in the sack...?

Question

my husband goes limp and seems to find excuses not to want to have sex weather it be he is to tierd for a 3 am sexually encounter or "its to early when i get home since i work night...alot has changed since we had out 4 mo old i am very frustrated but ...i dunno what else to do... I find my self pissed off i love sex and i would never cheat but do u thinks its me or what wtaht would you do has this ever happend to you, i think its to early and were young to be facing this already...

Answer 1

It could be many things. I have heard of guys that are not comfortable after a recent baby, as they saw what happened down there. It becomes a mental thing. More often than not, it is usually the women that loses the sex drive or ambition, but there is no reason that it doesn't happen to men.

Be patient. If y'all have a good sexual history, then it should return in time.

Answer 2

There are many reasons he may not want sex right now. Since your baby is only 4 months old, you both may be tired, a baby takes a lot of your energy. Perhaps he feels the baby has taken his place, and is getting too much of your attention. Maybe, you have let yourself go, and he isn't as attracted as he used to be. Maybe he is immature and isn't ready for the responsibility of fatherhood, or maybe just overwhelmed by the responsibility.
You need to remember that you were a couple before you were parents, and try to rekindle the fire you felt when you first met. Hire a sitter and go out on a date with your husband. During the date, talk about each other and don't even mention the baby. Fix yourself up and don't mention how tired you are.
Try to be the person you were when you first fell in love.
Good luck.

Answer 3

Try to relax. You two are going through some BIG BIG changes. Before, you were just young lovers. Now, you are parents, and also your husband now sleeps with a married mother-you. Everybody goes through this. The wonderful thing is that as long as you love each other, you have a slight chance at remaining married, AND sane. Sanity is tougher, but somewhat optional for parents. My kids are raised, and the last moved out 2 years ago. My wife has begun to sleep the whole night through, two or three times a week, and is back on solid foods, since her ulcer is healing. My nervous twitch is subsiding, and I no longer block the bedroom door with the dresser. We actually eat dinner together again. At night, we just watch tv, instead of refereeing the tv debate/war. We can do just about anything cuz we won. We won because we were too dumb to know we couldn't. We hated the sight of each other sometimes. Hated the sight of ourselves. Hated mornings, were sick of working, tired of problems, fed up with juggling bills. We just kept working, too dumb to quit. Then, things started to change. The house is quiet. Clean. I live with my wife. I trust her. Any woman that could survive MY kids(and hers) won't blink over little stuff like war, pestilence, space invasions, etc. My woman HAS been tested. She's my best friend, much better than the girl I married. We're lovers again. AND, we're survivers. My only advice- NEVER STOP LAUGHING. And, remember that it's you two, against the rest of the world. That's all you need.

Answer 4

No, it's not you. And somewhere down inside he WANTS you in the sack in all the good ways, trust me (a guy). You'll need to find out from him what's going on. That may be a lot easier to do with help of a therapist or counselor because by the time you get the courage to ask him, you're already angry and hurt. He needs to be asked gently and without an emotional charge on the question. Some people can write to each other, others need a third party to help. Don't wait to act but don't charge in with all guns firing and hand grenades ready to be thrown.
It's not unusual for a man to be very bummed because you now have a first priority in your life and HE used to be number 1. Be gentle.

Answer 5

There could be so many reasons for your husband's behavior from him being afraid of impregnating you again to him being freaked out by what he saw if he watched the delivery. You're going to have to get the reason from him. Do not attempt to do this while you're trying to elicit a sexual response.

Choose your time carefully and then let him know how much you love him and how happy you are being a family with him and your new baby but that your marriage is threatened by his unwillingness to discuss what is going on with your sex life.

He may be making excuses in order not to hurt your feelings but you have to communicate that not being straight is more harmful than the lack of sex.

Penis size is a huge deal (no pun intended) for most men. Often they judge this by their "fit" with their partner. If there is too much room, it makes them feel small and not so sexy. This may be going on. Take time for yourself and do your Keigel exercises. I know you're busier than you've ever been so designate a specific time. Perhaps each time you nurse or every time you are in the car, something like that. It's summer so get your exercise by putting the baby in the pram and going for long walks directly after a feeding. Don't forget the hills. Have someone watch the baby or bring the baby and go have your hair done. My daughter spent plenty of time at the hair dresser's in her bucket car seat cooing at the stylists. Do everything possible to take care of yourself and make yourself feel good.

Until you have a good opportunity to resolve things with your husband, take care of yourself sexually in order to avoid the anger of unmet expectations. Your anger, which is perfectly natural, will only make things worse. If you're able to give a little more than I'm sure you've already given, without added resentment, then give your husband a back-massage or hand massage. Use something so that your hands glide over his skin without catching. Do not try to touch him outside of the "designated area" even if he starts to become aroused. This will make him feel good while taking the pressure off. When you're finished if you need to masturbate, do it right in front of him but do not try to involve him. If he doesn't join in at some point then he really is having a problem.

I feel for you. This is a painful, frustrating and sensitive issue so tread carefully and report back.

S

Answer 6

There's no way your husband should be turning down your offer for intimacy, it doesn't matter what time of the night or day it is. Men by nature love sex anytime. The reason he doesn't want you is because he's cheating on you when you're working. Another girl is getting your candy while you are not at home. You should get cheaters to go to your house and investigate.

Answer 7

i will give you a few possible answers 1 is you gained lots of extra weight when you were pregnant and your husband is to shallow to overlook that.
2 he is having an affair and really doesn't want to be with you but since you have a 4 month old he doesn't want to leave.
3 he stressed out about having a new child and more responsibility and is afraid of you getting pregnant again.
the biggest breakdown i see is for some reason you 2 aren't talking to each other. you need to learn to communicate again either by trying it face to face or getting some counseling.
good luck

Answer 8

make him feel comfortable if there is a real problem there, you can try things. But don't make him feel bad about it. Otherwise, maybe he is just really tired. Is he working too hard? Working out a lot? Plan it, an afternoon or evening for the two of you and that way he can be ready.

Answer 9

Just maybe you got married to soon and had a child to soon. Or he has erectile dysfunction. Does want to touch you or kiss you at all. If not then their is a serious problem and the 2 of you need counselling.

Answer 10

maybe he's getting it somewhere else? Don't know how old you are or how long you've been together, but either he's getting stinky winki somewhere else, or after the birth of your kid, he got to grossed out to ever go there again. Be strong sweety..i'm also sexually frustrated. Call me :-)