2 years ago my husband cheated on me while at work. Because he was in law enforcement he was arested and fired. He swore to me that this was the first time and I believed him. Last week I found out that he fathered a child during our marraige with someone else. We have 2 children and this child is 4 months older than my child. He said that he did not tell me because he put it out of his mind and he did not believe that it was his child. But he sent this woman money every month for 10 years. He said he only saw the child when he was born and when he was 4. I just happen to see a letter from child support enforcement. The paternaty test finally confirmed it. There was a picture of the three of them. I did not know that was going on under my nose. I didn't know that he went to have the test. He is on his way to jail for getting a ******* at work. During the past 2 years he has been too stressed and worried to focus on our marraige. He says when he gets back he will change.
2006-07-23 02:58:31 · 24 answers · asked by rhea t 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
DIVORCE
2006-07-23 03:00:46 · answer #1 · answered by dannym7500 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
That is a real good question. But one you will have to decide what you are going to do. I may make the following "food for thought".
1-Why has he sent money for 10 years when I am assuming this child is only around four.
2- Or did it happen that while he was fooling around she got pregnant and didn't think it was his until the test came back.
3-Do you think, he has really worried over this and scared that you might find out and was worried about losing you.
4- Do you feel that he really loves you?
5-How old was the child when the picture of the three of them was taken? Do they look like a happy family?
Maybe this has been going on for a long time and he has led a double life.
6-These are just a few of the things that I would look at. If it appears that its a double life thing, then a lawyer and big settlement is the way I would go. If I felt it was a mistake on his part and he was scared you would find out and scared of losing you, then I may consider a 2nd chance. As I said, this is something you are going to have to decide. Good luck, sounds like a hard road to travel, but at lease you are giving it thought and not making a rash decision. Keep YOUR kids in mine, also.
2006-07-23 03:22:23 · answer #2 · answered by Jerry 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in the same situation,i have been with my boyrfiend(common- law husband) for 8 yrs. He cheated on me while i was pregnant with our second child with someone where he worked at. So he changed jobs and we moved to another house to get away from HER she was a little pshyco. I forgave him for our family . then 3yrs later when i was pregnant with our 3rd child i found out that he had fathered anther child with this woman and their son was only a year old. HE continued this affair and kept secrets and was paying court ordered child support. I was 6months pregnant and i picked up my 2sons 6 and 3 and got the h*ll outta there. He calls crying saying that it is over beween them and that he will never cheat again, I dont wanna hear it.. once a cheater always a cheater. If they can lie and cover stuff like this up, who knows what else has been going on. I wish i had left him when i first found out. My kids suffer more than anything but thats the road their father chose to go down.
With the other child now they forever have a tie to the other woman.
leave now and dont look back
2006-07-23 04:14:43 · answer #3 · answered by Sandra M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl I hate to tell you if he has been lying to you all these years the lying will NOT end .I know I was married for 18 years & I stayed & stayed trusting in each & every lie hoping upon hope that one lie would end & there would be no more but guess what there were always more upon more .I finally had a breaking point & I said NO more I had 2 children I walked out something he NEVER thought I would do (neither did anyone else ) .YOU have to believe in yourself first trust in noone but yourself .....something that comes hard I know first hand how hard that can be but you will become a much better person becuz of it ......trust in the lord he will never lead you astray if he does it is a learning experience & he will lead you home again .
When your husband gets the back the best thing you can do for the BOTH of you is for you to be GONE!!!
2006-07-23 03:18:00 · answer #4 · answered by straightjacket 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a mess, love. A kid, a ****** at work (ewww) and the cheating, lies and secret life. The bible says if your spouse commits adultery, you can be free from the marriage. So there ya go: no guilt. Maybe the LORD allowed him to go to jail so you'd have the time and peace to make a clean break. He cannot be trusted....he doesn't even trust himself! (didn't think the child was his). You still have your youth honey. You can have a better life. He doesn't deserve you. Run,girl. Look forward and don't look back.
2006-07-23 03:09:32 · answer #5 · answered by Sleek 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So why ought to or not it is significant to prepare infidelity purely to get divorced? If he substances economic safe practices now, then a decide ought to assume him to provide that once divorce. My feeling is he don't have a job and neither do you. He leaves for weeks and would not even call abode to study on the toddlers? large Dad you chosen on your toddlers. call it quits and concentrate on your self and your toddlers. document for divorce so that you'll get an order for toddler help for the toddlers and also you may commence getting your existence decrease back on target. Who cares if he's a cheater. he's for sure no longer a good husband or a good father. do not waste any extra time.
2016-10-15 02:58:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry to say this, but there is noway in h*ll i would give himanother chance.. he's lied to u for the past 10 years, he's cheated on u sounds like several occasions..kept secrets from u so apparently didnt have enough faith in u or ur marriage and hello...after the first time u caught him cheating he did it again.. he aint gonna change and doing this stuff at work hes in law enforcement! there is a certain standard of conduct and professionalism u have to uphold b/c that looks bad on all of us when one smudges the glass....if if were i be on the next train outta there.. im appauled for u.
2006-07-23 03:06:21 · answer #7 · answered by wildspirit1313 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say he has been too stessed to focus on your marriage...I think he has been too BUSY to worry about your marriage! Really he is full of deception and this has been going on for years, get him out of your life and be happy. You will always wonder if he is being honest with you and you know for 10 years he kept a secret from you he will do it again. The picture should tell you he wants his cake and eat it too...
2006-07-23 03:23:21 · answer #8 · answered by mississippi queen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey you need to divorce his ***. Him fathering another child and giving another woman money that belongs to you and your children is uncalled for. He should have told u years ago about this other child. Once a cheater always a cheater. Leave hm and get on with your life.
2006-07-23 03:34:01 · answer #9 · answered by Proud Mommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to file for divorce, but make sure that you talk to your lawyer first about things such as alimony, child support and visitation/custody issues. It is likely he will be ordered to pay alimony (because he obviously cheated - proof since there's been a conceived child involved) and child support. Many times, men who are being petitioned for child support will fight for custody so they don't have to pay it. He isn't going to change and I wouldn't wait around...it's not good for you or for your kids. Check the laws in your state regarding this.
2006-07-23 03:03:48 · answer #10 · answered by J H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You already waited long anf F***** up your life.
The thing to consider is how will you manage your child.If u have a backup in your mind there is no point waiting
AS everybody say Divorce.
Easier said then done but i think that is the answer to your solution
2006-07-23 03:08:42 · answer #11 · answered by CoolestnHotest 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋