What do I do?

Question

OK. Starting in early Feb my wife dropped out of school. Then had a nervous breakdown.Then told me that she was leaving me and taking our son(7months old) on Valentines Day. ON Feb 26th she drank 2 bottles of wine and half a 6 pack of beer and told me for the last time that she was leaving. She left on March 3rd. It took me over a month to get us into marriage counselling. Where as she lied the whole session. 3 days after our first marraige counselling session she is creating and responding to personal ads for women4women. During our 2nd session in marraige counselling she says she is seeing a lawyer for a divorce.

During that time I went through a career change from a job of making $40,000 to a job making $90,000 for us and our son so we could live a great life as a family with our new son.

I was always there for her and she always came first in my life because that's what you do when you have a family. Nothing comes before the happiness of your family.

I don't know what happened.

Any ideas?

We have a child. That is what we wanted. We wanted to be a family and be parents together.

Answer 1

You can try talking to her more (as civilized adults of course). Try catering to her needs for a while but don't go overboard with it. Take her out to dinner, theatre, dancing, and/or etc. once in a while and just only the two of you. It might be best by surprising her with a possible 2nd honeymoon in a tropical environment that the two of you can relieve a lot of stress, but have fun together. If all that doesn't work, then I am sorry to say but you might need to consider about divorcing her and just move on.

Answer 2

I was dating a girl who was either bi-polar or had borderline personality disorder and it was a terrible time for me. I went to a few anger management group sessions and learned from other guys there that had similar stories to yours (and mine) that there are quite a few women with this type of problem. If you say nothing comes before the happiness of your family are you including your own happiness in that too? Are you happy with a woman who is putting you through all this? Personally, I will never go through that again and if I was in your position I would leave my wife and try for custody of the child. If you can't get full custody you can provide a stable platform and lead by example when you have your visits. I am with a wonderful woman now who is an incredible, loving person and we have an amazing 'equal partners' relationship. It's a night and day difference. I'm incredibly happy now and it's a mystery to me why I stayed with the 'phsyco' as long as I did. Through lies,stealing,drinking,drugs and most likely cheating I was stuck in a rut of hope with her saying that she'll get help and get better. This is what my experince was and may not be the best course of action for you to take just yet but you can think of it as an option for later on at least. Good luck.

Answer 3

{{{hugs}}}

Sorry to hear that. Sometimes men think that working and making good money is enough. And maybe it's not in this case. That is nice and should be appreciated but there is alot more to a happy marriage then money and nice things.

Sounds like your wife is going through somethings and she will have to work on herself. And that might have nothing to do with you. It is her and that is her life.

Just continue to be a good person and dad and take care of your son.

And if you still love her just let her do what she is going to do...move on and do what makes you happy and if you two were meant to be together maybe someday down the road when she is ready and if you still want her then maybe counseling would help.

You can't control her or what she does. So just try to make a life for yourself and your son. Being divorced doesn't mean you still dont' have a great little boy that you love and need to take care of. :)

Good luck and i hope you find happiness.

Answer 4

It really sounds like she is not happy being married and prefers women. That would explain the drinking ( to tolerate the situation she is in). Obviously she is suffering from depression and thinks a lesbian lifestyle is what she wants . She could be a lesbian deep down, its not impossible. Either way I would go ahead and divorce her since that is what she wants. You can always remarry her if YOU choose to or do the separation thing first, Pretty much your call. But put you and your child first, can't have the child seeing all this or your son will think this is a normal life style. What will he learn as he grows up ???? There are still a few wonderful women out there.

oh yea one more thing money has nothing to do with happiness.

Answer 5

Wow. Sorry. She's breaking down. She has some deep hurt inside of her. Do you all attend church? She needs a lot of prayer and spiritual work. I feel for you honey. Just keep telling her that you love her and you always will. Tell her that you don't want her to hurt and you will do anything to help her heal. When you continue to tell her that you love her, that is the BEST thing you can do for someone going through mental anguish. Could she have postpardum depression? She needs to get to a treatment center: she may have a chemical imbalance that could be helped with dietary changes and medicine, but of course and ultimately Jesus. Was she like this before? You should stop EVERYTHING and do an intervention. Hang in there, buddy...sounds like you are doing everything the right way and not taking defeat lightly. Way to go. Praying for you and your precious family, hoping things are better soon.
Peace. ~Sleek

Answer 6

From what you have just explained to us here, you havent done anything wrong.

Some people cant be honest with themselves let alone their partner and come clean if they have bi sexual feelings or tendencies. Its clear this is her problem. She obviously isnt on the same planet as you are with the wants and plans for your relationship and your sons needs.

She sounds like a wreck to be honest. If your attending counselling and its not helping and shes filing for divorce there is nothing you can really do. Shes obviously made up her mind.

Her lying during counselling would be a sure tell tale sign that she doesnt want the counselling to succeed and there for reconcile the relationship. Dont stick around waiting on her to come to her senses because it will only make your life miserable. Be civil to her for your sons sake so you have contact and time with your son and apart from that be fair sharing out the posessions and I would say move on and find someone that will make you happy. Lifes too short to be miserable!

Good Luck

Cheers

Answer 7

It might have to do with "after she had the baby" a lot of women have emotional breakdowns and nervous breakdowns after having a baby. It is all just overwhelming and if you were starting a new job, you might not have been home as much as she was use to. It all might have just added up and with the baby and all, just too much for her to handle, so she is lashing back at you.

Have you talked to her mom and dad and told her that you love her and want to work things out with her, but she has changed over the past several months into someone you do not know and that you are worried about her.

It really sounds like she had emotional issues and that maybe you need to talk to her family, her doctor and see about getting her some help.

Good luck

Answer 8

It sounds as though your wife is going through a serious depressive episode. This could be because she has discovered an attraction to women and doesn't know how to deal with it, or it could be a chemical imbalance. Either way, you can only help her if she lets you. She needs medical attention, especially since she is turning to alcohol to make her feel better.

She is unstable and she needs help, but also, you need to think of the welfare of your baby. This is a terrible environment for the child. You need a lawyer who will help you gain custody, at least till she straightens out her problems.

And you need to take care of yourself too. This must be terrible for you. Don't let it destroy your life. It's hard to listen when someone says "stay strong, this will pass". But you will get through it. How you get through it can only be determined by you. Use your friends and family for support.

Good luck Sweetie, you sound like a good man and I send you my best thoughts during this troubling time.

Answer 9

Hmm.Where to start? First I have to say I'm sorry about the terrible things that have been happening to you. Sometimes people can do some pretty strange things when they go through stress or depression. It sounds like your wife has some internal struggles going on, and before your relationship can continue or get better, she has to learn to deal with them. That's the hard part because no one wants to be told they have a problem. But as long as your being honest in your question and really are this great, hardworking man you claim to be... I'd try to sit her down and try to work it out. Its esp. tough because you have kids.
Good Luck

Answer 10

First of all I am sorry you have to go through this its gotta be tough for you and your son. Without over analyzing I think the best thing for you to do is move on it sounds that your plans with the job and leaving her with your son is the right move. Your wife is unhealthy to continue with this marriage and it will put stress on you and your son. It also seems like she is not willing to better herself and try to save the marriage. Go ahead with the separation its for the best for you and your son, you don't want your son to see his mother like this. In the mean time she needs help if she wants to be a good mother or wife and continue to have a relationship with you. As far as what went wrong, your wife is going through some troubles and is drinking it away. You probably sense what it is but don't want to believe it. Its have one day you have it and the next day its gone. Don't blame yourself, be strong for your son. Take care

Answer 11

sounds like she may have a drinking problem for one. she is confused yes. she needs some counselling on her own. she has some core issues she needs to deal with that she may have a hard time dealing with. and on her own it may be easier. but, like the saying goes, you can lead a horse to water. you can suggest it. maybe a temp separation, her going for counselling on her own, and with you at the same time. i would get temp custody of your child though. if she does have a drinkin problem, cause she is on some level using the alcohol to cope with the situation, then may not be the best place for the child. cause there is a child involved, the child comes first, in my opinion, the childs needs comes first ahead of yours and hers. concentrate on raising a healthy baby, work on issues with your wife seperate, and hopefully you two can join together again. i'm sure she does love you, or she wouldn't of said yes in the first place. so i would say there is somethign worth salvaging there. just needing time to deal with it. but remember, the baby is first. make sure the babies invironment is a healthy atmosphere. cause a year or 2 is a life time for a child. i know. i had to do the same. and i gave up my son to a healthy home (my sisters) while i worked on issues. he didn't need to be put through the wringer. none of it was his fault. i have my son today. and we are closer then ever. i dont drink, or do drugs, niether does my son. i take care of him and all his needs. he has always been first in my life. i would say thats the best decision i made as a parent. my son is 17 now going on 18. puttin his needs first is in my opinion, the way to raise a healthy person, and helps him in going into his man hood. cuase he has learnt respect, healthy lifestyle, care and concern, love and understanding, and all his needs were met and more. i dont' over do it where he's spoiled. don't get me wrong. but i think needs include, love dicipline, respect, trust, value of hard work, running a household, etc etc. anyways, food for thought.