He is very controlling very verbal abuses, he has all his toys guns bowsboatcamper does not buy for house or help fix any thing I am the handyman in house and yard I have a lot of health problems I owned home when we got married he still lets his son sponge off him I have no say on going fishing or hunting with him.he has to see if his son want to go first or if his son want to use the boat first he also has only his debits he looks for . he paids out on his son not my bills..if i say i want him to pay something for me he curses me. i am on disability..i buy my clothes.pay for my vehicle insurance and any personal necessaries...he try to issolate me from my family will not socialize with my family..
2006-07-23 01:34:22 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds like he has very little respect for you. Its a huge amount of time, but are you sure he's the person you want to grow old with??
2006-07-23 01:37:08 · answer #1 · answered by welsh_witch_sally 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to take responsibility for the things that you can control. First and foremost if you feel like your being issolated identify how. If he doesn't want to socialize with your family then let it be, you can't make someone like or dislike people and if the blood is bad between you and hubby then nine times out of ten the in-laws treat you like out-laws, that works both ways. Your resentment for his son is off the board, it filters in to every nook and crany, it makes you look like the perpetrator not him. He will always be that boys father and that is his business and relationship, go visit your family when he's with his son. Don't ***** at him about the boy or it will entrench his mind set and magnify the behaviors or things that set you it to a tissy. There are your bills, his bills and our bills. If he isn't pulling his share of the weight financially then talk to him and make changes so that it is equitable and the spilt is fifty fifty. The house regardless of who owned it is joint property unless, he has never made a house payment or, you had that understanding at the time of your marriage, unless it is in writing that is going to be a big problem if it comes to a split and division. He will see things differently I guarantee it! You should pay for the expenses you incurr and by your own clothes, what is the nature of your disability, does it prevent you from working or having income, Why if your not already getting disability.? The resentment and jealousy for his son again filters in loud and clear to me so it has to be deafening to him. STOP, tell yourself that everytime you think or want to say something negative about him or his son. Do start to tell him that you love him and appreciate the things that he does do for you and tell him that he is a good man, spouse and father. Suggest things that enhance your relationship, without getting overly push, to him, if you don't get the response you want then let it go. Start to journal and think of ten things that you can do to improve yourself and focus on yourself, not him. When you find yourself slipping in to the negative, stop and write down ten positives. Focus on your health, body, mind and spirit. The feelings that cause us to have a bad outlook and generally negative disposition illuminate to all that we encounter, look at how you appear to other people, is that who you want to be and would you like you as a friend? When we fix ourselves first we usually don't have time to try and fix others, we gripe less and things that we can change and control we take charge of, the others we let GOD take care of or let go. You'll be alot happier and your marriage will be a better one if you approach your husband from a loving, positive thankful wife posture, instead of needy, jealous and begrudging. Best of luck to you and I hope it works out for all of you.
2006-07-23 09:56:57 · answer #2 · answered by want2flybye 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you own the home, put him out and get a restraining order against him, so that he can't come near you. After 18 years, he will never change, only get worse. You still have a right to a happy life, without him in it. If you are on disability, what do you need him for. Get counseling for yourself, he obviously doesn't give a damn aboutyou. Cant you see that??? If you say you love him, then you are only deceiving yourself. How can anyone love a man who treats her like he treats you.RUN!!!!!
2006-07-23 08:45:33 · answer #3 · answered by Deana 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been there done that. It seemed as one day I just woke up, I went to a lawyer and was told my options. I divorced him after 18 years of him drinking, verbal abuse and later hitting. The reason I stayed so long was because of my kids. If I had to do it over I would have taken my kids and left. I felt as though I was alone. But I came to find out my family was always there. Find out your options. If you didn't put his name on the house,don't.. Good Luck and don't let him bully you!
2006-07-23 10:38:59 · answer #4 · answered by fancy-nancy-girl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i say get out now before u get to in over your head u all ready wasted 18 your life an this @ss. why waste more u need to be happy in this point of your life why let someone make you so unhappy. there alot of good men who well respect you and not treat you like your nothing. i just don't see how you stayed this long i would have gotten out long time ago. no women need that kinda disrespact. good luck and i hope you do the right thing and leave him.
2006-07-23 08:45:49 · answer #5 · answered by mommy72403 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's time to say bye bye. I also have a man that is somewhat like that. Only difference is he does provides for me and i have 2 of his children. The mental stress is enough much less the cursing and fussin. If you have no kids with this man and he lives in your home , tell him to hit the road and not let the door hit him in the *** as he leaves.
2006-07-23 08:45:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear i also was married for 18 yrs to a very abusive man verbal and phy and we had a son together and i was scared to death of him. When my son got old enough to take up for me the abuse started on him. needless to say that was the end of our marriage.i some time wonder if i should have ended it earlier. but you really need to stand up to him or nothing will change its up to you if you want to continue to live like that sounds like he wants his cake and eat it to. GOOD LUCK
2006-07-23 09:04:56 · answer #7 · answered by brenda S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has it been this way the whole 18 years. It's your house, Get a lawyer and get rid of the bum. He doesn't respect you. A life without a man in it is better than a life with constant turmoil in it.
2006-07-23 10:19:27 · answer #8 · answered by shirley_corsini 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW. I recommend divorce, unless you can convince him to go to counseling. There's a slim chance that it would work though. If you really love him and he's willing, it might help. Life is way too short to be stuck in a situation like that though. Best of luck.
2006-07-23 08:39:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
this has been going on for 18 years and now you want to get out.
did you just get glasses or something. it seems that you would have gotten out a long time ago. kind of late in the game to solve your problem now. deal with it.
2006-07-23 08:41:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋