Husband Help????

Question

My husband hasnt had sex with me for about 3 weeks. He has been picking fights with me-like telling me to go to the beach then yell at me when I get back. Last nite he said he was leaving in a couple days and cant stand living like"this" anymore-we have a 5 year old who heard the whole thing, he also added that he has worked for everyone for too long and now its his turn to stay home and have me work-but HES the one that wanted me to leave my job for the summer-to be with the 5 y/o and start school!!
Of course, he was drunk and Im sposed to start school the 1st week in August
I belive it is his way to sabotage me going to school
What do I do??
I still want to go to school, but this house/bills are too much for me!

Answer 1

First of all, try to calm down, every problem has a solution. He might have argued with you because he was drunk but as you probably know alcohol doesn`t make people express ideas they don`t believe in so you do have a problem. First of all He was the one that asked you too stay home and care for the child so he has no right to reproach anything at this point. I`m sure he agreed that you go to school. He has to know that being a father doesn`t mean just loving the child..IT also means providing for that child and to care for his wife. He also has to realize that in the long term your going to school is only going to bring more benefits into the marriage and for your child. Since you will have a higher education than you have now when you`ll get a job you`ll probably be able to work less hours and for a lot more money. This way you`ll be able to provide for your family as well as spend more time with your child. You`ll be able to educate your child to a higher standard, take that child to place that right now you might not be able to go. When you become a parent everything one does has to be for the well being of that child, since it`s still a very fragile life you chose to bring into the world and you have the responsibility of giving him/her the best of everything. He has to realize these things. Parents don`t take turns in caring for their children so what he`s saying is absurd. Either you are a responsible parent your you`re not, there`s not en-between. If he is the one that can best provide for the family than that`s what he should do. After you`ll finish your studies you`ll be able to do the same thing. I think you should sit him down and explain to him in a calm tone all of this and express your feelings and try to work it out. If he still thinks his best alternative is leaving then let him go...he`ll be back. If he does leave I suggest you ask a member of your family to help you out for the duration of your studies. You shouldn`t give that up! Perhaps the reasons he`s giving you are just a means of running away from responsibilities. In any case you have to focus on the well being of your child and yours. It will be hard for a while but afterward you`ll feel much better knowing you did the right thing. Talk to you child and explain to him/her the fact that mommy and daddy are going to live separately from now on because that is what they decided is best for them but that you both love him/her very much and that this has nothing to do with him/her. Make the child understand that if parents split up that doesn`t mean he or she won`t be able to see the other parent or that his/her dad won`t love him/her as much as before. It`s just something that grown up do when they don`t get along anymore. Try not to avoid talking to the child about his father because he/she has to express what he feels in order for you to be able to calm the child down, since you don`t want your 5yr old to get the feeling that if he/she has any questions regarding his/her father it`s wrong to ask. You also don`t want him to become an introvert.
I agree with the fact that there is probably another woman involved since the problems he expresses are really absurd and do sound like nothing more than the means to get out of the marriage. Try to find out for sure if he`s involved in another relationship this will help in the divorce. But it`s still worth trying to talk to him. Try not to get mad and scream because if you do he`ll just walk away and stop listening or he`ll start screaming as well and you`ll get nowhere.

Good luck girlfriend and I hope everything works out for the best!

Answer 2

This sounds like a very similar situation I had with my husband a couple years ago. First A/A does do wonders. Second, if your husband is anything like mine was, it will be very hard to have a calm, civil conversation about anything even if he is sober. It sounds to me like he is acting out of fear. He sees you bettering yourself and is afraid you will leave him in the dust. He may feel insecure about himself or maybe he feels if you go back to school and get a better job, you will want someone that has more. I know when my husband acted like that, it was because he thought if I got a better paying job than him that I would no longer need him. Of course I knew that was ridiculous, but he didn't. So my advice to you is Go to counseling, if you can get him to go great if not, go by yourself. Be understanding of whatever he is going through and do what you can to help, but dont give up your dreams and plans to make him stay. If you do it would only hurt both of you in the long run. It will be hard at first, but you have to put your foot down and let him know you are going to school to better both of your lives as well as your child's life. Hope this helped, and Good Luck!

Answer 3

You need to sit down with him when he's sober and your little girl is at a friends so you can have some peace, and very very calmly talk through all the possible options. Try very hard not to start with a final plan in mind, its clear he is feeling really stressed about something, maybe there are financial worries he hasnt told you about yet, or he may feel trapped whilst he sees you and his daughter starting exciting new phases of your lives.
Try to write down all the 'bad' things and then write down all the 'good ' things you share, try to show him that they do balance out. At least after that you should hopefully know where you stand and can make an informed choice

Answer 4

Well, the possibility of another woman aside...the alcohol clearly is not his friend.
Nor yours.
He likely won't want to give it up.
Could he be jealous that you are going to school and might look too cute and find someone else, someone smarter, someone more educated than he is, that he might lose you?
He may be insecure.
If you feel at all lovey dovey toward him, in spite of his manner of late, then maybe he needs some reassurance that you will be faithful and that you need to know that you will have his support while you are balancing such a new load!
Maybe he needs to feel needed?
I don't know, but he may need to just understand the importance of being able to get ahead in jobs with more schooling under one's belt. We only have to look in the want ads to see this! Either Experience or know how is required and only those are interviewed!!
Good luck, Dearie.

Answer 5

Youre in a jam for sure. As long as he drinks like that you will be abused. He will more than likely sober up and appologize to go right back later and do something similar. Must be a reason for no sex. Have you called him on this when he is sober? Thats a start. No-one should be expected to be a door mat or abused. You shouldnt stand for it but you will sork it out. Pray about it also woudnt hurt.

Answer 6

alright girl go back to school but maybe you can make it work for the both of you if you want to make it work. colleges have night classes. and maybe he can get a part time job and also help with the 5 year old and work part time. and you can either get a part time job as well and go to school at night and help take care of your child. it seems like a lot but people do it. and also put it this way to him if he works and you go to school and you both help with the child you going to school will help you guys in the future. more schooling = better jobs and if you go to school and get a better job years from now then he would be able to kick back and u could take care of him for a bit.
and if he drinks alot a A.A. meeting wouldn't help the program really does help

Answer 7

FIRST OFF NO SEX FOR 3 WEEKS AND HIM TELLING YOU OFF DOES NOT ONLY SOUND LIKE ANOTHER WOMAN BUT IT IS. THE FIRST THING YOU HAVE TO DO IS SIT YOUR 5 YR OLD DOWN AND LET HER /OR HIM KNOW THAT THERE IS SOMETHING GOING ON (KIDS ARE FAR FROM STUPID) HE IS TRYING TO FIND AWAY TO GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP AND IT SOUNDS LIKE HE'S NOT DOING IT VERY SMART BECAUSE IF YOU DIVORCE HIM WITHOUT FINDING OUT ABOUT ANOTHER WOMAN THEN IN THE DIVORCE YOU WONT GET AS MUCH BUT I KNOW WHERE I COME FROM IF YOUR SPOUSE IS CAUGHT CHEATING THEN YOU GET HALF OF EVERYTHING SO GIRL FRIEND YOU NEED TO BECOME AN INVESTIGATOR REAL QUICKIE AND FIND OUT WHATS GOING ON. HOPE IT ALL WORKS OUT FOR YOU

Answer 8

Sounds like a control freak. Remind him that if you seek a divorce, he'll only be worth half of what he's worth now. Personally, I'd be gone if I were you. I left plenty of people for less.

Answer 9

you need to fix your priorities. your first complaint was not getting any for 3 weeks. that seems to be the least of the problems. take time and sort it out. he is obviously abusive. he doesn't want to work. try counseling and/or divorce. it won't get good, the way it sounds. good luck babe.

Answer 10

You deserve to be treated better and should expect it. If this man can't be a man you really should think about finding one. You will survive, it will be hard. Others have done it so can you.