DIVORCE.
If your spouce suddenly says "I want a divorce", should you try to find ways to save the marriage?
Should you suggest counseling?
Should you agree and walk out?
Just what should your conduct be when this is announced to you?
And (finally)...
Should the party wanting the divorce be given a generous settlement?
2006-07-22 22:32:28 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
All i can do is tell u how i handled it.. he said he wanted a divorce, i begged him to stay at first , asked him to go to couseling but he felt it was useless to try and refused to go, told him id do anything he wanted..he said he needed some time alone so i took the kids and stayed with my mom to give him some space..during that week it was a rollercoaster of him wanting to work on us, then the next moment still wanting out, finally he just said he wanted out.. So in that moment something in me snapped, not in a bad way , but in an emotional cut off kind of way..I told him one time and one time only he has till the divorce papers are signed to try and work things out but after they are signed its a done deal....from that moment on i told myself he'd never see me cry again.. I went back to "my house" to get some things, and i caught him and his "gf" off guard..(the reason he left) , they were going through things in the livingroom, he looked like a frightened little boy that had just gotten his hand caught in the cookie jar..i glanced at them and headed straight for my bedroom as if i didnt care (meanwhile on the inside i was falling apart) he ran back to our room nervous, and i just looked at him and said "so are u going to introduce us?" he was like ummm u want to meet her? i said "well shes in my house mine as well.. " so he did, she then flopped acrossed "my" bed and preceeded to look through pictures i had laid on the bed.. asking me who this is, and that is as if she was my best friend or something.. but i just kept my cool... then continued to grab my stuff and walked out got into my car and left.. only got a block down the road before i fell apart emotionally.. Did i want to beat the crap out of her? Sure i did.. but what good would that of done.. it wouldnt of done my children any good to either know i was in jail for assult and what kind of role model would i be for them if i acted like the same "trash" she was?????
When he needed help , i was there even after the seperation, he was my husband and i felt obligated to him till the divorce.. even if he was scum..
A couple months after our seperation (he was already living with the girl) i decided to sleep with a man cause i thought some way it would make me feel better.. but instead i cried the whole way through and felt like i was the cheater..and still regret that part of what i did to this day..
Could i have played childish games and won him back ? Yeah probably.. there were a couple of times that it probably would of worked for sure (like when the girl he left me for , cheated on him and left him lol) But, i decided if he was to come back i wanted him to come back because he loved me, not because i played games to get him back..
Do i regret how i handled it ..from the moment he said he wanted the divorce to the time the divorce papers were signed?? No, i fufilled my vows to him, I handled myself with dignity and class.. and even through the seperation and even though he was horrible to me, when he needed me, i still carried out my obligation to him as my husband till the divorce.. I know i did all i could with out having to lose who i am in the process..
So my advice to u , is yes offer to get couseling, but if they refuse.. what more can u do? If they are that adament about leaving.. then let them go, but always be able to hold ur head up with pride, do what u think is "right" even if it doesnt "feel" good at that moment so that years down the road u can still look at yourself in the mirror and know u were the "bigger" person in it all..
As far as the settlement.. it just depends on your own personal feelings, if there are kids involved ect.. because if there are kids involved.. and that party has the kids, why wouldnt u want to give that person all u could to give your kids the best lifestyle they can possibly have..?? Your kids would of gotten it if you were still together so why not now that your apart ? they shouldnt have to suffer financially because it didnt work out... but if there are no kids , then u do what u feel is the right thing to do ..
Good luck..
2006-07-22 23:36:54 · answer #1 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If there is any way to save a marriage, counseling would be a good suggestion as long as there is no cheating going on. The party requesting the divorce should have some rational reason for the request. If no reason can be found, then there should be no divorce and especially no generous settlement - if both parties are financially independent.
2006-07-23 05:41:42 · answer #2 · answered by Jess4rsake 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leonard, I believe what you are dealing with is one of the most difficult circumstances that a person could face and you've posed some good questions. Before I respond to your 4 questions, have you had a long talk with your spouse to at least getting her reasons for wanting the divorce? I am finding more and more that woman expect men to know everything that they want and how they feel without speaking a word to them! At least if the marriage does end, you would have something to learn from, that is if her reasons aren't completely off the wall. Counseling - Yes, but keep in mind in order for counseling to work, BOTH parties must be willing to participate. Even if she doesn't, get it for yourself. Walk out - Absolutely not! Don't give her any ammunition. If she wants out, let her leave. Conduct - As hard and painful as this is for you, remain calm and DO NOT RAISE YOUR VOICE. She wants you to be angry with her. Tell her you love her and forgive her. It will blow her mind. Settlement - If it doesn't work out, I would be fair, not generous. Yes, you apparently still love your wife, and the last thing you should do is reward her for breaking your heart. Leonard - Stay strong - You will get through this!
2006-07-23 06:48:51 · answer #3 · answered by Dan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on what you want. If you want the marriage then you try everything to save it, if you don't then let her go. As far as the settlement goes attornies are the best ones to deal with that and to work out what is fair but don't let that be a reason to fight or let it go.
2006-07-23 12:01:45 · answer #4 · answered by Martha S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would find no ways to "save" the marriage, consider myself lucky, and walk away....splitting all assets equally.
2. would not suggest counseling.
3. i would agree and she would leave...immediately, within the hour....
4. generous is a matter of definition. equal split of assets is legally required in california....i would comply with the law.
2006-07-23 05:50:13 · answer #5 · answered by Slewpy D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there- I helped him pack his freakin bags. My ex already had everthing planned, no use for counseling. I was glad to see him go. I got a very generous settlement- though it hurts my taxes
2006-07-23 05:38:15 · answer #6 · answered by ok 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should try to save the marriage, suggest and try everything you can to save it!
But if she's not going to try - then the sooner you end it, the quicker you can get on with your life!
As for the settlement? ask your lawyer!!
Good Luck!
Aloha!
2006-07-23 05:39:26 · answer #7 · answered by gabriel_demus 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My relationship with my wife is important enough to warrant any (legal) lengths to keep it together.
My dad rolled over and played dead when my mom left him (bad example).
2006-07-23 05:35:56 · answer #8 · answered by chdoctor 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to my lawyer.
2006-07-23 05:48:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋