He cashes his check and tells me he earned "such amount" when he really didn't and then he stashes the rest in odd places, or in a newly opened account I just discovered. He took a school loan out without telling me, and I thought we'd agreed that he wouldn't. He buys things a lot without telling me. A drink or whatever is not a big deal, but he'll buy lots of stuff like this. He even got a speeding ticket, went to court, payed it and everything without telling me! What should I do, or should I be overly concerned, or not worry at all?
2006-07-22 21:30:22 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Money's not the problem here. Money is a symptom of the problem. The real problem is his lack of honesty, trust, and humility. Work on those directly before you go broke.
2006-07-22 22:38:10 · answer #1 · answered by chdoctor 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be overly concerned. More than anything when a relationship goes sour is about finances. Is a contributory partnerships and both should work together. A bit of side savings and not tell the other party wouldn't hurt. But if he is to spend the money on something inappropriate or someone else, that would become a problem. I have known this guy who has a job, earning around $30-40k a year. And he doesn't have savings. He has no drug or drinking problem. He even borrowed money from me. He said he would repay and even gave me the pwords to the account. But he always come up with excuses that something happened or accidents where he spent the money. Thus can't repay me back. Found out that he stashed his money some where else for his shopping habit, plus cheating on me. Now he is living with a woman who has no job, abandons her children with her mother to live with him. You can imagine what kind of a person that is.
2006-07-23 05:09:47 · answer #2 · answered by Yvette R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In the same boat as you. You either put up with it or you leave. Pretty simple really. However understand that its not the money that the problem nor is it you. It is a problem with him. Self-esteem, financial worries, or even the way he was brought up. I know my hubby had strict parents who took his money when "earned" and put in bank account. Made to work at all hours and never given anything earned. His sister was given everything on silver platter and was "favorite."
However that doesn't give the right to lie. Plus hate to break it to you but he may be spending money on things that even antibiotics won't heal. Trust me on this. Found out the hard way.
Your husband will not change until he wants to. Your sympathy and understanding are not helping either. Put your foot down and let him know that his behavior is unacceptable and be ready to leave if he won't accept the change.
Also, make sure to tell him you want to "see" his paycheck stub. Not becauseyour nosey but if your married and both work then have a right to know. You both have a right to your own money but only if both are getting it. If only he is getting money while you pay all yours out for bills then something wrong. MY hubby tried this... notice I said tried. He kept money while "my" money" went for bills. I now have my own account and my own money and we do well. But it is all about respect and communication. If there is no respect or communication then he may be hiding money to leave. Just a thought, only he knows and its up to you to find out.
2006-07-23 05:38:39 · answer #3 · answered by lisa n florida 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My friend from work told me to do the same thing and get a bank account with only my name on it for "in case of divorse fund." Be careful
2006-07-23 06:23:24 · answer #4 · answered by LELA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be really concern 'cos right now is money, my look insignificant but it might grown in to something big. Also the most important thing in a relationship is comunication, honesty, love and sex. And the way it looks we is cheating in the most important one. "Comunication"
2006-07-23 04:39:09 · answer #5 · answered by Rafael O 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a niece this happened to. It didn't have a very happy ending because she finally divorced him. However, she met a great guy who is honest and they got married and are very happy.
2006-07-23 04:39:25 · answer #6 · answered by phoenixheat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's to nice of him..... i would be afraid that he was lying about a lot of other things!!!! i don't think i could trust him even with the smallest thing.........
2006-07-23 04:40:27 · answer #7 · answered by meemeemee40 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋