Okay me and my boyfriend are fighting a lot lately, and we always resolve it but, i feel as if its not enough. He says he wants to be more open. And so i be as open as i can. Just some things im to shy to say. And it makes him mad. Also we will fight over the litteist things. I am also positive that we are in love. I just dont know what to do about the fighting. Just the littleist things trigger us off. I would say more me. I may over react a lot. But he does his fair share. Advice anyone?
2006-07-22 19:53:47 · 29 answers · asked by BloodyXTears 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
No way, it does NOT mean that you should break it off by any means! A lot of people have this preconcieved notion that just because you and your partner fight that it's a horrible relationship. Coming from someone who has been in a relationship for 6 years, fighting is normal. Honestly, because you know what? NO ONE gets along and has everything in common with another person. If you didn't fight, then you don't care. I have seen relationships with no arguments or anything and you know what? One out of two things were happening there: One: If they aren't fighting with YOU they are with someone else... or TWO: They really don't care enough about anything to fight about it. My lover and I fight almost everyday about the stupidest things, but we have learned to just say "shut up!!!" and smile. Because if you can't handle a little worthless fight, what would you do if something really big were to happen?
What if they weren't there? Wouldn't you rather argue about stupid stuff and laugh about it later then have him not be there at all? Something to think about...
2006-07-22 20:02:36 · answer #1 · answered by Tabetha Kay 2 · 26⤊ 0⤋
This is one of the most important concepts to understand about conflict in relationships. The most common issues couples fight about are: sex, communication, time, jealousy, friends, just to name a few. But haven't you ever had a fight and made up with your partner, only to find within a short time you're fighting all over again? Or haven't you ever fought about one issue one week, and the next week, that same issue didn't even bother you? Most conflict on the surface of a relationship comes from a much deeper place within the relationship, a place where you store "emotional tension." Emotional tension is a state of emotional un-ease or lack of balance. Imagine a big pressure cooker inside you, and one inside your partner. Each time one or both of you gets triggered by something that happens or something the other says, it set off that pressure cooker of anger and you get into a fight. This explains why you and your boyfriend seems to be fighting all the time about the same issues, even after you've made some agreements. You're not fighting about the right issues. Sit down together and discuss this principle of stored up emotional tension as the cause for constant fighting. Hopefully, you will both commit to doing some intensive work on your relationship by first, becoming familiar with the emotional baggage you've carried into your relationship, and secondly, communicating about and healing those old unresolved emotions from the past so they don't keep spilling over into the present and sabotaging your love. Next, you need to do some housecleaning on your relationship. Take an honest look at the needs that aren't being fulfilled by your boyfriend; ask yourself if you're feeling loved and appreciated enough; uncover any hidden resentments that have been lurking beneath the surface. When you and your boyfriend work together in this way as a team, you'll find yourselves fighting a lot less, and loving a lot more. ravishingV
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2016-04-14 00:34:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here are some techniques that my wife and I use, in no particular order.
1. Never swear or name call. Always show respect.
2. If you think you're too angry, and may violate #1, kindly tell the other that you would like to stop discussing the matter right now. Walk away (but give the person a timeframe. Example: "I'm very angry right now. I'm going to go for a walk, and we'll talk in two hours".)
3. Never forget why you're together in the first place.
4. If you know that you're in a bad mood, tell the person in advance. "I'm not in the best mood right now. It's not you. I'd appreciate if you just leave me alone for a while."
5. When the other person is talking listen. There's no use in ignoring the other person while you think of another answer. It escalates the argument.
6. (An extension of #5)
Let the person talk without interruption. Then, validate his/her point of view.
Example:
"I'm tired of picking up after you. I want you to start cleaning the sink after you brush your teeth."
"You're angry because I make the sink dirty."
Then proceed with your point of view.
Good luck. Another idea: Buy the book: "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff: for Relationships"
2006-07-22 20:05:47 · answer #3 · answered by LivetoTravel 2 · 13⤊ 0⤋
If you and your boyfriend are fighting, then it is probable that the each of you really needs to get a grip on your own anger issues. It is simply unreasonable and inappropriate for either of you to be physically or verbally abusive with the other. Both of you have to decide to work on this and to learn how to let things go rather than holding onto them and blowing them up out of proportion.
If either of you can't or won't work on their anger and on finding more appropriate ways to express your feelings without resorting to rage, then it would probably be better for the both of you in the long run to break up now rather than wait until things got really ugly.
Remember: there is never an acceptable reason for physical or verbal abuse. Seek counseling; a professional counselor can help you and your partner much better than any advice you could receive online.
2006-07-22 20:04:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
Hi there-
Sounds to me that there is lots of stress envolved in your relationship. Having a hair trigger in a relationship is definately signs of a problem. The good news is all relationships have there ups and downs and it is up to you and he to figure out what the problem is and what you two can do to fix it! If you truly love one another then you will be open and honest to one another. Also, if you love him then being "shy to say" is not an option!! Love is a beautiful thing when you can find it so don't mess that up with "the littlest things trigger us off". A relationship is work and true love is whorth it!
Take care and remember, it takes a bigger person to admit they are wrong.
Good Luck
2006-07-22 20:13:08 · answer #5 · answered by PG 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I go through the same thing with my man sometimes. My best advice is to let things die down before talking about it. If there is animosity then don't talk for a few hours or even a couple days. Most of the time if the arguments are little then time will make you both forget what you were even fighting about.
2006-07-22 19:57:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
This is an inkling of how your relationship will be like in the future. You are now set in a pattern and it will be very very difficult to break. No matter how much you say you will change or you can change him, it will never happen. If you're happy with this scenario, continue. If not, both of you should find someone else.
2006-07-22 19:58:12 · answer #7 · answered by Ya-sai 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
me and my boy friend are the same. if you truly love someone you will try to overprotect him/her. im the one who always starting a fight over small stupid things. but after the fight I feel sorry about him and that makes me love him more.if someday your boyfriend stop fighting ,that means he is fed up with you.then only you can understand how much he cared and loved you .its very painful.so when he get angry and ask questions try to give correct and clear answers. if you won t he may misunderstand it as a lie .because he cant read your mind.after that tell him how much you love him how much he mean to you and comfort him .by that you can have a beautiful and cute relationship
2015-04-08 01:13:48 · answer #8 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u have to belive that a real relationship depends also on how we r open to each other how we can be honest when we talk u have to know that if u love each other then there is nothing to be shy of think abt it he is the one and only and he is the man and love of ur life "if that so" then he is the important one so why to hide or be shy u r togother in every thing so do it talk to him abt any detail he wants to know why not?!!
do it and abt the little things fights thats normal it might be a reaction for the being opened thing and it might be just one of the odds u have when u r moving to a next step so thats kool just take care of the main problem!
2006-07-22 19:58:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
me and my boyfriend are the same way, like right now i was crying and argueing with him callin him names but now i just want to laugh lol, its obviously not healthy in a relationship to argue so much but at the same time theres much more to it than just argueing. you both need to talk about what each one does wrong and try and change it, dont give up if you really love him even if it gets tough. love will over power anything if things are just right. good luck !
2014-09-01 11:56:05 · answer #10 · answered by Jewlz 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋