Basically, I'm in a non-serious, sexual relationship with this guy who was once kind of a scary person. Like he was a thug, maybe twenty to twenty-five years ago. I'm naive, maybe even a little dumb, when comes to these things. I don't want to be afraid of him because he's a good guy now, like the best, but I've never had to deal with someone like this before. I like him and want to be with him, but I have a lot of trouble relating and understanding where he's coming from. I don't want him to think I'm a scaredy-cat or afraid of him or anything. What can I do about feeling like this?
2006-07-22 19:31:51 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You sound like me. My ex was a gang leader in his past and left the gang years ago and has gone on to have a great "legal" job and is really doing well for himself. At first I was afraid he was gonna get mixed up again or something would happen to me or him if we ran into his past friends and I was kinda nervous when I found out certain things but I try'd not to let it bother me. If ur man is doing well now and shows no signs of going back to his thuggish ways then try not to let it bother you. If he's a nice guy, don't base ur opinion on their past if they have made the effort to change their life around. It takes alot of courage to leave the negative things in the past.
2006-07-22 19:37:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Find someone you can talk to just to keep current on how the relationship is going. Sometimes people make remarkable changes in their life. But often once an abuser always an abuser. And the abuse can start out subtly and grow from there and you could be embarassed to admit you walked into an abusive relationship. Hopefully his thug days are all behind him. But talk regularly with a friend or therapist to make sure you don't become abused.
2006-07-22 19:37:27 · answer #2 · answered by HomeSweetSiliconValley 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try not to be judgemental about who he used to be, accept him for who was & who he is today. He's a different person now.
Benefit from each other's differences, but leave the past in the past.
2006-07-22 19:44:43 · answer #3 · answered by Jojo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everything you have said above is more than enough to run in the other direction. You are not ready for what ever he will offer you.
2006-07-22 19:37:22 · answer #4 · answered by vhat40 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're having to do all this heavy thinking on this guy perhaps it's best to move on.
2006-07-22 19:36:01 · answer #5 · answered by Ya-sai 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Those feelings are red flags. Listen to your gut.
2006-07-22 19:35:28 · answer #6 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
find another guy. there are plenty of them.
2006-07-22 19:34:25 · answer #7 · answered by Don M 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋