I have been married for 8 yrs. and have 2 girls my husband works 7 days a wk. and is never home but when he is he's tired and doesn't talk to us or yelling and screaming at our girls or at me. For the last few mths. it's got worse with the verbal things to me and he hasn't told me he loves me in 3mths. and he says I'm always trying to start a fight with him so I got to where I don't talk to avoid one.I've asked him to go to marriage counseling but he won't go. He said I'm the problem he already knows that. I can't go anywhere without having to have my cell phone on me at all times so he know where I'm at and when I'll be home and now my littlest girl is having stomach problems from all this and I have bad headaches. But I don't have a job and he says if I leave I leave with nothing and a part of me wants to leave but i know how hard it will be & a part of me still cares for him but the hurt is just getting to be to much to bear . Is there anyone out there that can give me some help?
2006-07-22 18:51:06 · 6 answers · asked by thumper 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The only time he's got to when he touches me is when he wants some. An thats not been in almost 2 months so I wondering where he's getting it.
2006-07-22 18:55:03 · update #1
Oh lord, honey...I truly feel for you...been there myself. First of all, you need to know that in the beginning you may leave with nothing but in the end you'll get what he's required to pay by law. Leaving is always the hardest part, but in the end it will be well worth it, if not for you but for your children. I beg you to please not put your children through any more than what they've already went through...especially the one who is getting stomach problems from all the stress. Granted...I'm only hearing your side of the story, but if what you say is true...caring for someone who cares nothing for you and his children (again, going by what you've described) is very unhealthy, as you already know by the headaches.
Start pulling together a support group for yourself....unfortunately this is going to involve revealing a lot of personal info about your marriage to friends and family, that is, if they don't already know. If they truly love you and want to help you, then they will come to you in your hour of need. Get yourself a job and get a checking account of your own set up so you can start saving money back...you're gonna need it when he follows through with his threat. Find a lawyer who is good but willing to take payments (yes, they are out there...my best friend found one...just gotta be willing to interview a lot of lawyers) and start drawing up the papers. If you're able to...make it to where he leaves first...then you can get him on abandonment. Sounds sleazy, I know but sometimes you have to fight just as dirty as your enemy.
2006-07-22 19:08:31 · answer #1 · answered by AverageMom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well if he wont go to marriage counseling then that is going to be a tough situation... have you sat him down just the 2 of you and told him any of this? if he says hes not happy with you and the children then as hard as it may be you might be better off leaving and maybe that will open his eyes a little. do you think he is cheating on you? this is a serious problem and if you truly want this marriage to work you are going to have to convince him somehow to go to marriage counseling, because that is the only way you will be able to work it out if hes not willing to talk to you on his own. however if hes yelling at you and the kids then something definitly needs to change because them kids are going to be a nervous wreck when they get older. have you tried to give him an ultimatim? like if you do not go to counseling or try to help me solve our issues im leaving? try that and see what his reaction is. sometimes you have to physically show them that you are serious because most of them think its all going to get better on its own and it usually never does. like i said i would try the ultimatim thing and see how he reacts to it, if you are unhappy and these children are not happy then maybe you need to move on and just know that you did everything you could, i would not give up without trying though because marriage is a sacred thing and especially when you have children you do not want to them to have a broken home, so try all that you know to try and just see how it goes and if he chooses not to want to try then you need to spread your wings and fly.and as far as you having nothing when you go there is help out there for you and dont let him think you couldnt or cant do it on your own, because you can. good luck and remember really think and try all you can instead of just giving up. if its meant to be then it will be. also pray and ask GOD to guide you and he will lead you in the right direction.again GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!
2006-07-23 02:12:51 · answer #2 · answered by curious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust your gut feelings, and your physical symptoms. I'm going through the same thing. I've been with someone for 8 of 11 years...we married, separated, divorced, and then reconciled. I love my ex but I know he does not love me the same way, I've tried working things out. So he is moving out, because he is not willing to meet me half way in our relationship. You deserve to have someone who loves you the way you love him. Your kids are watching and would you want your daughters to stay in a marriage under the same circumstances? I say no, I will not allow my daughter to think it is ok to stay in a marriage "just because we both love the kids" but don't love each other. He also can not say he loves me, but he does want sex (he's selfish). He says he loves me because I am the mom of his children, that's not enough for me. Go to a church, family member, get a strong support system (someone you can talk with). I've done it on my own before because we were divorced for 3 years. When I filed for divorce, I paid a paralegal (because I didn't have money for a lawyer) to file my papers, I got a divorce, a child support order to help with my financial situation and have shared visitation/custody. Its hard but being heart broken and feeling insecure because my husband doesn't love me is worse. Think of your kids watching...it takes planning of finances and a place to live and a steady job. Figure it out and be independent, it will be hard, but its worth it. You will be happier inside. Your heart will heal. I'm speaking from experience I regret I took my ex back because I am heart broken again, but it doesn't hurt as bad the 2nd time around and I'm much stronger and financially secure than I was when I separated from him the first time. We have agreed to not fight, and to get along for the kids sake. If you are being abused in anyway seek a free counselor for abused women or go to a church for advise on how to leave. God bless and take care.
2006-07-23 02:31:25 · answer #3 · answered by Sacto Mom 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have legal separation in your state, do that.
And by the way HE should leave, you and your children shouldn't have to.
Legal separation will set you up with temporary child support and living expenses.
If you don't have anyone who can help financially, contact a women's shelter (for abuse) in your town or one near you. They usually work with attorneys or can point you into the direction of ones who can do pro bono (free or low cost) work for you.
You will probably have to get a job.
They can really help, believe me!
2006-07-23 14:31:06 · answer #4 · answered by Big Bear 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is getting it some where else. But you are the one in the situation and knows him. I think you need to sit and talk about what you both want and let him know he has to be totally honest. You have children to think about and take care of, you cannot be getting some kind of disease that may take you away from your babies.
2006-07-23 02:09:50 · answer #5 · answered by pumpakin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to make sure that what you want to do. cause once you leave things arent never the same.and the girls also will get hurtit hard but you make it.
2006-07-23 02:38:42 · answer #6 · answered by Pam D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋