At first it seemed like love really...you really thought that he loves you and you said "yes''but now...
I realized that looks were why he asked me to marry and i thouhg it was love...and now i see that anything i do makes him so very angry. and i feel like i am being pushed away. for example if i don't wash the dishes right away his mood changes...he doesn't say anything right away but would be sure to say something if i don't do what i'm supposed to do. We had some disagreemnets and argued sometimes but I have asked for forgiveness when i felt that it was my fault, but he keeps grudges...lately i see that we're growing apart and i have tried to discuss w/him...but he takes it the wrong way and gets upset.
I loved him so much and my attempts to show how much i needed him and want him in my life are all in vain. He accuses me of untrue things and when he sees that i am right he becomes very upset.
He works from home has his own business so no other women are involved
2006-07-22 18:26:30 · 9 answers · asked by Ultrabrite 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
as we're also Christian) and no drugs either. But I don't look so pretty anymore and i noticed that he gives me scornful looks and ignores me a lot...if he looks a bit not so handsome i don't care b/c i love the person inside but he is not so...and Now I don't try anymore because it's no use...he accuses me of things that are not true...etc...no phyisical abuse but much emotional and i've never done anything wrong...my family and friends think i'm so loving and caring...they encourage me to pray and things will change...but will it change? b/c i see that my s/o is not taking any steps to help us grow closer together...weve been married less than 2 yrs.
2006-07-22 18:26:37 · update #1
well my family and friends do not know the whole story and i can't tell them b/c i hope things change and it would break my parent's heart.
2006-07-22 18:28:52 · update #2
My heart does not let me leave him :( plus I felt like it was God's will for us to get married...and i just cant forget the times when it felt like we were both in love..but it seems like things have changed for him and i really do not matter too much anymore...
2006-07-22 18:40:47 · update #3
it will not get any better
he likes everything in the house to be just right, and he now thinks of you as the maid.
2006-07-22 18:29:35 · answer #1 · answered by leadbelly 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Christian...Read Colossians 3:18-19
Clearly, it goes both ways.
Again, 1 Corinthians 7 the whole thing, but primarily 3 & 4. In 7:19, the Lord speaks of marriages made in love, not the mess it sounds like you have on your hands.
It goes both ways!
Seek counseling from your pastor, or go outside your church if you feel the need to be discreet. Even if he chooses not to, you will benefit from it because you will better recognize what a wife is, and what a wife should put up with. You will also respond to him in a mature way, and if you change YOUR behavior he will have no choice but to modify his. It may escalate, or he may remove his cranium from his rectum & see the gem he has now before you decide you have been mistreated enough. You are being abused, recognize it and do something about it. Do not hide behind the Bible, I got a divorce AFTER I was saved...cuz that is where the Lord led me. Now my ex is homeless, unemployed, and has no custody at this time due to addiction. God's plan is sooo much better than what I could do on my own.
Trust, baby!
2006-07-23 02:02:25 · answer #2 · answered by ibelieveintheconstitution 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been reading your answers, i think it's all been said hasn't it... you know you have to change things......
If you go into the street with a black eye and bruising then the whole world can see you are being physically abused, friends would help and support you... but when this abuse is emotional no-one can see it, no-one notices... but the hurt is just the same... trouble is it's inside you.... your friends think you are crazy and everyone thinks "what a lovely couple"
I've had it too, from a Woman...
2006-07-28 06:25:35 · answer #3 · answered by engineer 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
please take care of yourself:look the best in front of him as you were before... stay pretty inside out: read more from proverbs 31:
are you sure he does not love you?
maybe, there are things you should do just as communication: it would be better if you talk things over especially during dawn, the best time to talk as you wake up early ... then, don't raise your voice back when he seems too angry that time... lengthen your patience dear... my mother always tells us to be as patient as we have to...although i'm still single, i really love to apply things that my mother taught us... patience is a virtue, the best ever in relationships...
i also learnt something: Romans 12:9-21(NIV): Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another... Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer... Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud... do not be conceited...Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends..."
romans 13: 10: Love does no harm to its neighbor. therefore love is the fulfillment of the law"
Be an example in Proverbs 31, a mother who is dwon-hearted..
when you have some doubts: learn to talk it over with your husband, speak with a light heart, be open to him... never leave a question unanswered till the next day comes... i hope you can get ancwers from the Bible... God bless!
c",)
2006-07-23 01:38:58 · answer #4 · answered by princessLulu 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that is scary. it sounds like you are married to my husband. affection only for sex and scolding and put downs when I wasn't the perfect little maid and didn't agree with everything he says. told I was crazy, nuts in the head for having different ideas than his. I stayed for 8 years and couldn't take it anymore being used and abused and no love left. He said he doesn't believe in divorce and would never file and always be wiling to take me back if I ever came to my senses because I must be mental to leave a "great" guy like him who works to support the family..sorry jerk most guys do that. anyway he really showed his love for me a month after I moved out with two kids his do anything to rebuild marriage lies turned into him being the one filing(because I made him feel unwelcome at my new house)..(yet he told me to get the F out and he had no more use for me only wanted his kids there not me when we were together) so who should feel unwelcome but tries to make everything my fault and trying to say I am a bad mother to get full custody even though all he ever did was be their playmates....Don't stay in a loveless marriage..if you feel used you probably are no matter what he wants you to think... I stayed until he completely proved me right that I was a sex object and maid to him nothing more by sexually abusing me(not rape but hurt emotionally) and I will never take him back... but yes I thought it was real love too...although dating there were clues he didn't really like me as a person but I ignored them
2006-07-28 00:29:39 · answer #5 · answered by JustWant2B 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i did it for three years, it turned to hell. I left before it got violent. i couldn't live another day like that. but i got into another nearly identical relationship.
From my own experience, i think i(or we) need to find a diferent type of person to hook up with.
I'm not saying it wont work out, but chances of changing someone to treat you better are, slim at best.
now , is he a true believer? do his actions reflect any biblical teachings? or are you married to a non believer at heart ?
And NEVER ask HIM these questions. Rage will certainly follow.
2006-07-23 01:43:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
From the sounds of it you are in an emotionally abusive marriage. If he is willing to get counseling and work on things that is wonderful otherwise I would go to your pastor and ask for prayer and guidence to decide what you should do next.
2006-07-23 01:31:05 · answer #7 · answered by Theresa B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
some time over exposure can be harm full in our relations,from your question it seems that u do every thing possible to pleas him please stop this you are not a maid servant. i would rather suggest that you should go away from his eyes for a change, for few days not more than 10 days.if he still missed you than he still love you other wise you know what would be your future plans. if you got any kid then please try to stay back because kid should have love of her mother and security of his father.
2006-07-23 01:44:07 · answer #8 · answered by sardar_parminder2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this man is an abuser and you need to leave him immediately. he is a very sick man who will only get worse. your life will be hell and if you bring children into this nightmare than you are as weak as he is callous.
good luck, be strong, you need it. do not fall for his manipulations. you might even expect threats of suicide from this joker when he gets clear you are leaving. or he might hurt you. he sounds very very dangerous.
you must tell. stop protecting him. your silence will not protect you. and, if your family is too 'christian' to be decent, too 'christian' to help you break free from an abuser, then they are weak and willing to tolerate evil rather than rock a boat or stand out and you must turn elsewhere for help. God helps those who help themselves, sister, and he certainly doesn't like it when people throw away the precious life he gave them.
RUN DON"T WALK.
2006-07-23 01:32:14 · answer #9 · answered by t jefferson 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋