My friend's dad hits him?

Question

Well, he seems to hit back harder. But, it's not right. His dad gets drunk and starts fights over nothing. What do you guys reccomend I tell him?

I told him to get rid of the alcohol. He said he tried and his dad bought more.

I told him to call a pastor but they don't go to church.

I told him to call a psychologist or AA. That's the best I can think of.

He doesn't want to call the cops because he wants his family together and the dad helps to support the family too I believe.

No, my friend is not me, don't worry.

In terms of getting hurt too bad, I don't think that will happen. He IMed me with the latest one just a little while ago. Said he won the fight (kid plays footbal with me, problem is, his dad played college football way back so both are pretty strong).

Afterwards, the dad came into his room and called him posessed by demons. He was drunk. I think he's pretty normal when sober.

And I guess counseling is out because he can't afford it.

Answer 1

Well, just because the abuse is caused by alchohol doesn't make it any
less abuse.

It does sound like he could use an Intervention of some sort. The friend
might consider recording his father on one of his drunken rampages and
then playing it back to him, but unless he's got others around him, he's
more likely to get hit than get his point across.

A psychologist really can't do anything. They are doctors - they can only
treat a person who is their patient and your father won't be one
voluntarily.

I'm not sure if AA might try to do something - usually AA considers itself
a self-help group, not a group to protect victims of alchoholism.

If there are multiple people in the family, they need to get him when
he's not drunk and show him just how bad he is when he is drunk.
Then, if you are VERY VERY lucky, he might decide to do something
about it. Then a group like AA or a therapist could be of great help.

I have a hard time imagining a single kid could pull it off though.

If there is ANY element of danger, though, the kid should call the police.
If the police haul Dad off to the pokey, its not like they'll never see him
again. He might catch on that something is wrong and maybe he
should do something about it.

I wouldn't hold my breath though.

Very sad.

Answer 2

Your friend has a serious decision to make and no decision he makes will be easy. He may not want to break up his family but his father has already done so by being abusive. Your friend is now merely trying to hold up a foundation of something that has already collapsed. That isn't what a family is. Your friend is fooling himself into thinking everything is alright and creating an act, a facade.

If he hits him now, how soon will it be before he starts hitting other family members? He can't be there all the time to protect them when his father is drunk. Your friend needs to think about what is best for his family, especially if he has younger siblings. I suggest that he call child protective services. The father will be forced to pay child support anyhow so financial problems should not be too hard when you consider the positive mental and emotional consequences of an abusive father.

I wish your friend the best of luck. This is by no means an easy solution but there really is no easy solution out of this.

Answer 3

Your friend should speak to someone from AA and determine whether or not they can assist his father. They are suppose to have a good success rate so it just might be the magic pill.

Child services in my opinion isn't a consideration in this, if your friend wants to keep the family together, the one thing child services doesn't like is abuse and they like to step in and ensure the abuse won't continue, by uprooting the most vulnerable ones in the family.

A psychologist might work but only after the AA has been worked with. You gave your friend good advise...hopefully he can make it happen.

Good luck

Answer 4

i'd rather call BEFORE he gets hurt too bad. if he doesn't do that, the cops might show up at the hospital some time when his dad gets more and more violent and finally knocks him into next week.....and what's even worse is that a lot of times kids whose dads drink & beat them grow up to become dads who are drunk and beat their kids. i know your friend doesn't want 2 do that. he needs to call (or you do it for him). call 911 and tell them you do not have an emergency but you do need a family violence number to call. (call today, you really need to) they don't check up on people who call unless the people give them their names & permission. your friend can just call and talk for a few minutes. if he doesn't like what they're saying, he can hang up and nobody will "follow up" by calling back or coming to the house to visit. help your friend stay safe AND break this cycle. i really think you are in his life for a very specific reason, to help him through this.

Answer 5

Your friend seems to know what he wants. I feel bad for him, having to live with an alcoholic. Your friend's only option is to call the Police and file charges against his Dad, then he could be forced to seek counciling. I know that this isn't what your friend wants, but it is not fair for him to have to be a punching bag for his Dad. You sound like a wonderful friend to him. Just be there for him, and help him as much as you can. Don't be afraid to call the police if you feel like he is really in trouble. I would rather him be mad at you than dead. You are a great person to care about your friend as much as you do. Good luck, God bless the both of you and I am praying for you both.

Answer 6

So what, call the Child Services, teach the dad a lesson, thats the only way for the dad to realize thats drinking and hitting his son is bad. Do it, I was in the same situation once, and i phone ZENITH123 and from there her parents smarten up and quit drinking, and got her daughter living with them now. Its been years since the parents touch alcohol again. Hope this help.
Peace out.

Answer 7

He should try his local Al-a-Teen which is a spin-off of AA for kids with alcoholic parents.

The fact is, if his Dad is drinking and hitting him, that family, as much as he might want them to stay together out of the fear of the unknown, is probably not a healthy situation for him to be in. Maybe leaving or calling in authorities would be the symbolic "slap in the face" his father needs to face reality and clean up his act.

Answer 8

You call a child abuse hot line and call them NOW! They will take your information anonymously. Your friend is not safe, no matter what he says or makes you believe. Hitting your child is not okay, no matter if you have the excuse of being drunk at the time. Child abuse kills. It only gets worse, not better. Please, for the sake of your friend, call a hotline and report his dad. If you can't, tell your parents and ask them to do it.

Answer 9

Wow. That sucks. I think the real question is: would your "friend" rather have an alcoholic dad who beats him, but has a complete family, or would he rather his father get the help that he, and the rest of the family, so obviously needs?

Answer 10

he can call AA... they have ways to help him... AA has chapters for the family of alcoholics as well as alcoholics...

almost any where he turns is likely to bring about an intervention.... his dad will have to shape up or ship out...
if they depend on dad financially, i think that any one that steps in will be able to help the family with that too, if they have to take dad out of the picture...
what he has to realize is that dad will only get worse as time goes on if he doesnt get help... might as well try to get help for him now, before someone gets seriously injured or killed...
he can go to any pastor... most will help anyhow...even if your arent a member.... or they will help him to contact the right people to help him...
he can call AA for help to.... or the abuse hotline.... all will help him to make a decision and give him information, or intervene if he needs them too...