what do i do?

Question

recently my girl of 6 years decided to move to vegas to start a new life. we have had a bad relationship for a few years now and i was hoping it would change once we arrived but it didn't. isaid things i shouldn't have out of anger and drove her away. now she is back home and i've realized the error of my foolish ways not only towards her but to my son also. i miss them so much and now my world has come crashing down. she thinks when i was back home i was cheating on her but i was just running from the pain but it wasn't a pain she inflicted because i was on drugs. now i'm sober and begging her to come back and she says she knows she is coming back because she loves me but while i'm sitting here she is going out to clubs and what not which i never minded but whenever i ask her if she's coming back she gets mad and says i'm pushing too hard and i just got to be patient. the more i call the madder she gets. is she gonna come back or did she move on? should i just let go? it just hurts.

when i was back home she was in the position i'm in right now. she would call but i was too involved in myself. i promise to the lord if i ever got her back i'll never be the same again. i'm so different now and if i never got her back i hope she's happy and knows i'll be there til i die. and if i ever had to move on i'll never treat another the way i did to her but i'd rather make it up to her cause it's her i should be treating right. i just need her.

Answer 1

The demolition of a bridge is always easier then the construction of one. It takes time, babe. While you know your heart and your intentions, she has to get to a place within herself where she can also know them. It's hard for a woman to just give herself away, and when she's been hurt she shuts up. You can win her back, but you have to have all the patience in the world. It didn't take over night to destroy the relationship; it won't take over night to rebuild it. It is especially hard on her because she not only has to try and deal with her love for you and being loyal to her heart, but she has to think about what is in the best interest for you guys' son.

My advice: Just take it one day at a time. I know that's cliché but it's the truth. Yesterday is gone, and tomorrow may never come, this is the only day of your life and you have to live it as such. Work on becoming the best you can be everyday. The best father, the best husband, the best friend, and the best person. Before you know it she will see the change in you. Whatever you do, don't rush anything. If she wants to live her life and go to clubs, you just step to the side and let her do so. You can't worry about that. You have to worry about getting yourself straight. And if by some chance she decides that you two are not right for each other anymore you just keep on working on yourself everyday. Don't stop. Because you're not doing it for her. You're doing it for you and your son! If she doesn't want to be with you, he still needs a father. You stay encouraged and stay on the right track. Things will work out for you!

Best Wishes!

Answer 2

I think you should give her some space. She can't think things through if you're hounding her about it. Give her some time.In the mean time try to get on with your own life. The best way to show her you are not a loser is not to act like one. I'm not trying to be mean. I know as a woman there's nothing I hate more than a man that act's all pitiful after they've messed things up. When you do talk to her try to have some confidence and give the impression that you are ok. You may be dying inside but if you act that way she will only see you as a stress factor in her life. I feel bad for you. She said she loves you . If she really does then she will come back. If not then learn something from this so you won't repeat it in the next relationship. If this doesn't work out , just remember the only thing that cures heartache is time and lots of prayer. God Bless you both . I will pray for you all.

Answer 3

I have been in a crappy relationship like that. You know, if you do not fix things your kid is going to be the same way. Start taking things seriously. You guys will probably not be able to fix anything by yourself. You think you can but it has been so long and you are going in circles. Vegas is gross. Get a good job somewhere else, get insurance and find a therapist. Work on your relationship and marry the mother of your kid if you love her so much. Tell her how you feel about her going to clubs without making her feel like youre being psycho protective. It takes ALOT of work and you have to wanna do it and have real goals. You have already started a family, be a man.

Answer 4

It sounds like she has let go, but not completely.

I think she is interested in what she's doing now, but doesn't want to let you go completely in case what she's doing right now falls through/doesn't work out...may that be her lifestyle or some guy she's pursuing.

Just trying to be honest and helpful. I think your best bet is to tell her now or never and if she doesn't care to try now then she will care even less for you later and that would mean it is really time to let go completely.

I really hope everything works out in the end for you.
No matter what... pursue her for your son...don't ever let go of HIM.

Answer 5

It's good that you're sober, after what you put yourself and your family through with your addiction. I would, first of all, seek a church that teaches from the Bible, and build a christian based friendship with all around you. Then ask your girlfriend to come back to you, but I would tell her what all you have done to change the circumstances in your life and the commitment you're willing to make once she returns. If she doesn't come back to you, then respect her decision and move on with your life, always seeking God first.

Answer 6

don't beg and don't badger with phone calls, you need to get together to talk (on her terms as you do admit to being the one who screwed up).

even if you don't get back together you should at least be amicable for your son's sake.

give her time, from the sounds of it she is trying to run from the pain you caused her. let her know that you are there when she is ready to talk - even if that means dropping everything at a minutes notice to give her your attention.

just remember, women can be just as stubborn as males, if not more so - be patient if she is the one you truly want for the rest of your life, and let her know how sorry you are (again, when she is ready to talk)

Answer 7

If you were on drugs, you probably did things you don't even remember. My x did a lot of stuff to me and my son. He is in jail and can't hurt us anymore. I loved him to death. It finally took me about 4 years to get over him completely. It was sooooo hard. I pray for him, but thats all he's getting from me. We were together for about 5 years. I wish you the best of luck, but when kids are involved, if the mother is smart, she will keep them protected. It's not always about the love anymore. Again, good luck.

Answer 8

I would suggest give yourself a break from her. Think if you really want to be with her. SHe also might use this time to think if she really loves you. If you both still love each other you will know. She is upset right now and you trying to get her back will not work right now. Give her time.

Good luck.

Answer 9

Let it go honey...you need to spend time rebuilding yourself. You are no good to your son or her until you become the man you have the potential to be...and a relationship, whether with her or someone else is not a good idea right now.

Answer 10

Chris...this is hard...but i am telling ...if you have a son....dont let him go....try talking to her about getting half custody or somewhat atleast..maybe moving on would be good just dont forget about what i had said about your son...