I am a stay at home mom, I clean houses two days a week. I dont make that much money. But still he has everything separate from my to his money. He makes good money to pay the bills and entertainment money, yet when I make money he makes sure I spend it that day on whatever. Then when I am broke I cant do anything that I want to do. Is this right? Or should I just deal with it?
2006-07-22 18:01:50 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Also I am trying to go full-time. It just costs more for daycare than for me to go full-time right now!! Trust me, I want to make more money!!!
2006-07-22 18:12:15 · update #1
My wife and I are in the same situation, she has her bills I have mine (mine are the majority). Whatever is leftover we spend on ourselves or eachother.
2006-07-22 18:06:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
On one hand it sounds like your husband is a good provider. He probably keeps the money separate, because it's easier to manage that way. Joint accounts these days isn't such a good idea. He allows you to earn some extra spending money by working at an odd job. This is probably due to the fact that he feels that you're happy with that situation. If you choose not to get a full time job and you have children at home that need caring for you actually have a reasonably good situation. Now if he's mean or abusive it's a different story. No woman should tolerate meanness and abuse. If you have no children then it's of your on choosing to be in the situation you're in. If you're not happy with the situation then sit down and have a talk with your husband and let him know how you feel unless you're in fear of him. If not then confront him with the way you feel and let him give you the reason why the money situation is the way it is. There is always the last option. Get out of the situation and find another life or be happy with what you have. Choose your path, but choose it wisely.
2006-07-23 01:21:14 · answer #2 · answered by LARRY P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not right. He is being a control freak. The best way to get him back is to outsmart him.
1.Start hoarding money.
2.Any change you get from things, keep.
3.Set up your own account and put your extra in there. (be sure to tell someone the account exists in case anything god forbid happens to you. You don't want the bank to keep it.)
4. Ask family for cash gifts, he can't make you spend gift money on bills. Stash it and tell him you used it on a haircut, etc. If he has a problem with you spending gift money then he needs counseling. Everyone has to be treated once in awhile. Gifts are gifts.
5. Demand an allowance outside of bills. use it or save it, up to you.
6. See if there are any paper/ magazine delivery routes in your area. These are often freelance and pay cash. At the least you can bring the kids in the car and do it while he is at work. Then hoard the money.
7. Don't forget to talk to him. While you are being smart whether he knows it or not, he SHOULD know you are being slighted. he probably just thinks he's taking care of you, and perhaps that is how it was in his home growing up. Tell him for you, and your house, it is unacceptable and demand an allowance.
2006-07-23 01:48:25 · answer #3 · answered by kierr31 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it's not right. This is a form of control and emotional abuse.
A few options:
1. Open a bank account in your name only and immediately put what you make into it so that he cannot make you spend it. That way you'll have it when you want it.
2. Start cleaning more houses but don't tell him about it, then stash the extra money in your new bank account.
3. Start cleaning houses full time and make him split the cooking, cleaning, housekeeping with you in your home. Keep him occupied so he can't focus on you all hte time.
4. Get into counseling to find out why he feels the need to control you this way.
(The last should be done no matter what you do.) Good luck. I wish you all the best.
2006-07-23 01:10:35 · answer #4 · answered by stseukn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont think this is right at all, even though you dont get paid much your job cleaning and being a stay at home mom is just as important if not more than your husbands.
You are in an equal partnership when you get married and you should be treated as such. The money should not be separate and both of you (together ) should agree on where it is being spent.
It sounds like your husband is a very controlling and selfish person, so no, do not put up with it.
Tell him exactly how you feel, if he doesn't take it well maybe counseling will help because in many cases this is just the beginning signs of worse things to come
2006-07-23 01:15:31 · answer #5 · answered by r_assman 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No he has things confused, If U r a stay st home mom then his money is ur money. In a marriage nothing should be separate whats urs is his and his is urs. Let him know how U feel and U won't tolerate this. for all the agony he is putting u through and the fact that things r separate then U should move on and make things separate. don't lay down and get walked on! Good Luck!
2006-07-23 01:07:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it sounds like that way is not working for you two. I have friends who keep their money separate - different checking accounts and everything... it totally works for them. (They've actually both become much more responsible with handling finances that way.) However, my husband and I put all of our money together. We're very sensible when it comes to our finances, though. And we both have the understanding that it's ours to share. If we want to buy something big, we ask the other person first. That works very well for us. It just depends on your situation and your money-spending tendencies. It sounds like you need to have a talk with your husband and try another arrangement. You could handle your finances differently on a "trial basis" at first and see if there is an improvement in your relationship in that regard.
2006-07-23 01:08:22 · answer #7 · answered by jengirl9 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That sounds like you're married to a real control freak. Notice I didn't say "controller"; He's not requiring that you give up your money or that you spend it on what he says.
No, he's more of a control freak; he's handling all the bills, in charge of where every penny goes, and he sees himself fulfilling that same role as your husband.
It's not really about right and wrong so much as it is about is it fair. At the very least, you need to stand up for your right to be heard and considered in the relationship.
2006-07-23 01:10:19 · answer #8 · answered by You'll Never Outfox the Fox 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No I don't think this is right. This is a control issue he has. If you haven't already ; talk to him about it. If he starts to argue or won't listen. Tell him you won't be done this way anymore. Try suggesting a comprimise. Like if you save the money for something special for the both of you. Like a trip maybe. Either way you should confront him about the way you feel and make it clear it won't continue to be this way anymore. Good Luck and God Bless.
2006-07-23 01:10:02 · answer #9 · answered by chitchenitza 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am the one that works in my marriage and we share our money . I believe that is how it should be. my husband stays at home With our kids and that i know is a job within itself. If you are working 2 days beside taking care of your children 5 days a week he ought to be helping you with what ever you want or need.
2006-07-23 01:18:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Spend your money on what you want. After you chip in whatever portion of bills you pay, that is money that you earned! I'm guessing that you don't ell your hubby how to spend his money! May I also suggest saving up for things you my want or may want to do. That always helps... and you can't do that if he is trying to get you to spend all of your money!
2006-07-23 01:06:56 · answer #11 · answered by samikay2683 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋