I have been with my wife four years and married one and she never initiates sex,what do I do?

Question

I work out and I am not fat so I know that can't be it. She tells me and so do alot of other people that I look like David Boreanez and she thinks he is hot. I do eveything fo this woman,footrubs,backrubs,cook,etc. Help me please!!

Answer 1

If your wife thinks your hot, then half the battle is already won. One person suggested just going straight to your wife and asking her what the deal is. That's not a bad suggestion. No one knows like she does. Women can be the simplest to figure out, while being the most complicated at the same time. A lot can probably be attributed to your wife's actions if you can retrace your steps from the past 4 years. Some questions to ask are these:

1. Have you always initiated intercourse between the two of you? If you have, that could be it. A lot of people fall into routine, and if she's used to you always initiating sex, then she's probably just not one to change it up.

2. Has she had any bad experiences in the bed room in the past?
Trauma could also be to blame for her lack of forcefulness.

3. Have you ever brought it up before now? Does she know you feel this way? Have you two talked about possible solutions to your delima? These questions will rule out a lot.

My advice: If you want your wife to be more sexually liberated, tell her. Let her know what you would like her to do. Share your fantasies with her and get her to open up and share hers. Create a safe space in your bedroom that she'll feel comfortable letting go in. Maybe she's just a little wound too tight and she needs to loosen up. Whatever you do, listen to what she has to say and try to be as understanding as possible. Don't accuse, but relate. This is one of those cases where the simplest thing you can think of is the solution your looking for. Talk to her! *Whispering in my best Field of Dreams voice* If you talk, she will listen.

Best Wishes!

Answer 2

Four possible explanations :1/ Cultural Background. She might come from a family or background in which decent women are taught not to initiate sex, even if you crave for it. 2/ Health Problem. She could have a hormonal unbalance and her libido, therefore, would be affected, so she has sex only when requested. 3/ She is insecure about her body and herself and sex puts all of her insecurities on the spotlight, so she doesn't like it. 4/ No offense, man, but she could be a Lesbian who doesn't know she is. I think this is improbable. Best solution; ASK HER DIRECTLY! F. ex: How often do you think about having sex with me when I'm not at home?! Or, what do you think of women who initiate sex? Do you find me sexually attractive? If the answer is yes, then ask: So, why you never initiate sex? I would prefer my partner asking me directly than putting an question in Yahoo! That is for sure! Good Luck!

Answer 3

I used to be this way, too. I was shy, didn't know exactly what to do or what my partner wanted, was scared that if I started it then he would turn me down, etc. In time, I learned to initiate sex with my partner. I never got turned down!! I also learned that I am in control of what happens to me in bed (important to me since I had been abused sexually as a child).

If I were you, I would talk with her outside of bed when you are both calm and in a good mood. Ask her why she doesn't initiate sex. Ask her about her fears and concerns. And listen to what she has to say, don't just hear her and then say that you heard her (I have had that a lot in my life, especially from guys). Reiterate back to her what she has told you. If you are off base at all, she can tell you again and you guys can keep doing this until you are both on the same page. Once you have talked with her, help her to deal with any fears she may have. Just using words to calm her fears may not work; you may need to show her that it is ok for her to initiate sex without being rejected, or whatever her fears are. Actions definitely speak louder than words in this situation.

This will take time for her to be able to start initiating sex, and it will take courage from her that she may not realize she has yet. Take your time with her, let her take her time, keep talking abut it outside of the bedroom, and it will change in time.

Answer 4

She never iniciates anything because you always do the job. Stop the footrubs and the backrubs. Women look for a challenge. You are everything but a challenge. Stop the honey and she will iniciate.

Answer 5

I hope I am not being repetitious, but i really dont have the time to read every body response. This is my thought about that situation! 1. talk to your wife but dont expect a 100% not because she may lie but because sometimes at a state in your life you dont honestly dont know why and or what is going on. Heres your biggest challege TURN HER ON no matter what it takes. whatever you're doing now try the opposite. TRY TRY TRY this is not some girl this is your wife. she married you so she love and if theres still lve belive me.... Theres still room for PLEASURABLE SEX. just to let you in on a little secret I'm less than 1month Married but I've been with my husband for 5years i never initiates sex, but i deeply enjoy the motion of having him initaties it, what can i say maybe its just different strokes for different folks. you never know your initiation just might be the reason she has orgasms.

Answer 6

Tell her. She can't read your mind. Did she ever initiate sex prior to the marriage or this a new development? If she never did it before, how can you expect her to do it now?

The key to a successful marriage is communication. Talk to your wife and not us. Go ahead, get off this darned computer and ask your wife. There is no better time than the present.

Answer 7

I have been married for 26 years and all that time, my wife never initiated sex.
She always tells me this is a man's thing to do.
Don't get me wrong, we have a great sex life although she never starts.
However, there are signs that she would do to tell you she's ready for sex, for example
She may give you a hug or a kiss before going into bed, she may put on some sexy PJ's, shy may tell you she misses traveling with you, etc,
So, in her mind, she thinks that these signs are her initiation.
Good luck pal and don't hold your breath for her to initiate
If she hadn't in four years, it will never happen,
Good luck,
Macho

Answer 8

Have you tried a romantic setting? Something to make her tingle inside or just make her want you. For example a candle lit bubble bath for the two of you with a little wine and chocolate covered strawberries. Maybe even candle lit bedroom with pleanty of massage oils. You could do wine, cheese, and chocolate covered strawberries or somthing she likes. Sometimes setting the mood can make a diffrence unless shes just not into initiating it.

Answer 9

Wow, sounds like you do too much. Make her inner animal come out. Does she do her job during sex? Is this a woman that's not interested, or is she into it, but just doesn't ever pounce you? You should seduce her, but play hard to get. Leave her dirty notes, dirty mysterious not dirty penthouse dirty. Well depending what she's into. Brush up against her. Do little tiny things to initiate and then make her make the actual move. Unless she just doesn't want to have sex. Then I don't know what to do. Not my area of knowledge.

Answer 10

Ask her. Nothing like going straight to the source. She's your wife, you should be able to discuss this with her. Maybe she thinks you wouldn't like it if she initiated it. She might have some fear about you thinking she is dirty or a tramp or something. Who knows? Do you shower and smell nice? I don't initiate when my hubby is sweaty and just got off work. Like I said, ASK HER.