this is my wifes blog,what is your interpitation..................?

Question

When will it be my turn to be happy? It seems like all my life I have taken care of everyone else, and put my life on hold. Well I'm sick of it! My middle name should be on hold. Everybody wants me to be their puppet. Yeah, my life is sooooooo easy, I have everything. I have a husband, kids, and a house. An American dream, the perfect family. And I'm only going to be 28 on July 4th. I am sooooo young, and have not lived life. Right??? Wrong. I do not have a dream life. And if you could handle my life for a month, then you would be doing really good, because I can't handle it anymore. I have put on a smile for the longest time. It became a habit. Yeah, just pretend Cassie, or you are a Drama Queen. Everyone tells me that I am the strongest woman they have ever met. Well, this strong woman needs someone to love me for who I am. Someone who will touch me, because they want to, and not because I asked them to. Someone who will spend time with me, and not be too busy. Someone to make love to me because they want to, and not because it's their job. Someone who will love and want to take care of my children, instead of thinking I can have kids, lets have another one! Is there any real men out there anymore? All the men I've been with, have a very huge flaw. It's either drugs, beating the crap out of me, not wanting to pay attention to me, cheating on me, and lying. Most of the time I think I deserve better, but if I did, wouldn't God have given me what I needed? My soul purpose in life is to take care of people. When will it be my turn? I would love for someone to take care of me. I have needs too. When I get sick, will there ever be anyone to take care of me? When I am lonely, will there ever be anyone to talk to me, and not treat me like I'm a nuisance? Will there ever be someone to make love to me, when I want to become one? Everything I want seems so out of reach. The only thing I have been succesfull with, is having kids. I am sick and tired of single people saying I am so lonely, you do not know what it feels like. Do you think they know what if feels like to be married., and have that person not want you, and have to put up with that for years and years? I do know what it feels like. It is the worst feeling in the world. Don't get married unless you are actually going to be there for that person for the rest of your life. Marraige is a two way street. And both persons have to make it work. If its just one person working on it, then that's the end. It don't work that way. If one person don't want to work on it, and continues apologizing, yet don't do anyting about it, then they don't deserve you. It's time to move on, and that is exactly what I am going to do. I am sick and tired of you abandoning me, I am sick and tired of being lonely, and not touched. When I talk to you, you do not listen. I deserve better. It is time for me to move on. Please God, send me someone that actually loves me, and will not play games. I don't know how much more my heart can take.

one more little thing............i know how clear it is. I just wanted some other opinions.

we also have 8 kids and one income

I do not beat her, i help with the kids and house work when i'm home (most of the time) i also make dinner at least 5 times a week. If she wants to go some where i tell her to go. I let her go to omaha this weekend (by her self) to visit a handicapt guy friend. I tell her I love her several times a day. yes i'm the father of 6 of the children and one is our nephew we agreed to take in when his father died. i'm not really interested in sex and she knew that when we got married. i do the best i can to make her feel special. obviously i'm just worthless as a husband.

i found this on her profile on netfriendships today

Answer 1

OUCH man! That's probably a big ego blow. I think the first thing you should remember is that she's obviously in a very emotional state, and you shouldn't react out of anger or frustration. In fact, don't really think about how you are feeling at first at all- let everything be all about her, since obviously she feels like it never is.

Do you think it's worth saving your marriage? Really think about that. Does she really have the same values as you, the same intentions in life? Do you have conversations that better you as people, do your arguements help your relationship grow? If not, do you see any of that happening if you try to save it?

If all those answers are no, it's time to let go. (Good Luck with the child support on that one, my friend!) But if you do love her, the obvious choice is therapy. There is an intimacy repression thing going on which is very dangerous in relationships; for women, physical intimacy is very emotional, and it's making her feel unattractive and insecure that you don't want to make love. It's really affecting her as a person and how she views herself and her life. That's an issue that really needs to be dealt with.

Attention is at the heart of your problem. Remember, you might like a certain type of attention and love (being told I Love You, a present every now and then, whatever) but that doesn't mean it's what she likes. She is not you, and people feel love in different ways. Just because you respond positively to being told "i love you" 5 times a day doesn't mean she will; perhaps for her, the way she feels loved is more physical.

Decide what you want to do, go to therapy, and good freakin luck!

Answer 2

Wow, seems to me like she's lost herself in you and the kids. She needs to find herself and fast. Obviously it is very clear what is missing and you must try to help in some way before the ticking bomb explodes. I can relate to her. But 8 kids and she's only 28, this can be extremely overwhelming, especially if she feels she's doing most of it by herself. You may be working too hard and not paying attention to her. You have to realize, she is still young and a woman, she needs attention, she needs to know that she is more than just a wife and a mother. She needs to know that you love her and that you find her attractive, that she still turns you on. I know it's not easy, but you need to sweep her off her feet, maybe you cannot afford a vacation right now, but you can make a date night at least once a week or something. I know it's not an easy thing to do, especially when you have to work and bring home the bacon in order to raise 8 kids, but if you want to keep in together, you have to do this. Also, when you come home from work, it may be a nice thing to do, maybe after you settle down, and have dinner, you can tell her to go do something on her own, like take a walk, call a friend, read book, do her nails, pamper herself, you can watch the kids for an hour or so on a daily basis so she can do something for herself. Work on it, she seems to be a good woman, and you seem to be a good husband, otherwise you wouldn't be asking for opinions here. Good luck & God bless.

Answer 3

Sorry to say, but it sounds like your wife is a very lonely woman. And obviously, she's not very happy. I have been in her situation before. Taking care of a home and children is a very hard job. It doesn't help when you aren't appreciated. Maybe all she needs is love, and to feel like she is appreciated by you. It's easy to take advantage of someone always taking care of everything. Your wife has a very hard job to do. In fact, it sounds like she's a mother and that's it. Did you forget that she was your wife before the mother of your children?? She needs to feel like a woman, and that she's beautiful. Every woman deserves to feel like she's a queen. I don't know all the details, but I do know that if things don't change, she will leave you. Is that what you really want?? Can I suggest counsiling? And not mainly her, but you also. My husband and I had counsiling and it helped more than you would think. Are you open and honest with her. Sounds like a good talk could help. Is she happy at home w/kids? Does she work? If not, maybe she would feel better about herself if she did. Ask her what her dreams are. There is more to life than baring children. Love and respect her. Good Luck with everything. Be careful, because you don't know what you're missing until it's gone.

Answer 4

Your wife has said a lot of things that many many wives feel. Men just don't think like we think. This is life. Sounds like you do help her, which is good, but right now she needs some emotional help. She is feeling overwhelmed and who wouldn't with 8 kids to keep up with each and every day. She's asking for a little more romance, a little more attention, listening to her, really really listening to her. If you can do this, it will help. Romance is not always about sex, there are many other ways to show romance. Try to bring it back into your marriage.

Answer 5

First of all STOP making babies. Go get a vasectomy. Second of all you need to take your wife on a vacation away from all the kids...just the two of you, even if it's just a weekend at a local motel. Thirdly, if you're beating her, STOP it and seek help. She sounds like she is on the verge of cracking. Help her around the house. Start being more considerate of her. Bring her flowers. Take her out for dinner or a movie or bowling, etc. at least twice per month...just the two of you. Hire a babysitter. Talk to her about your job, your dreams, your life...and listen to her...really listen to what went on during her day. Rub her feet while you do it. You have to start treating her like the special woman she is or you're going to lose her...and please do not get angry with her written outcry...Now you know what she's really feeling inside and you can do something about it before it's too late.

Answer 6

You know what,,,that sounds like me. 8 kids...and she is at home with them full time!!! Would you do that?? try it,... she has lost herself,,,do you have any idea how painful that is?? To think that you are on this earth just for the purpose of taking care of you and kids? Who takes care of her? Does she ever get a break? Do you show her you love her and appreciate her?? let me tell you, if you dont' you are making the biggest mistake of your life.... because the unhappiness she is feeling at this young age will shorten her life, her will to live, her health will suffer...do you want to grow old with her, or do you care, you are her husband,,,you are not doing your job. My husband was doing the same thing to me,,,my ex husband. And it was when we split that he realized what a horrible husband he was...and I became everything I'd wish i was when he was there...if you don't love her and want to help her, let her go.

Answer 7

I have a diary that sounds eerily similar, except mine included some expletives that she left out. ( i was madder )

Dude, she is LONELY. I totally understand too, because I was lonely.

Whatever has been most important in your life must not be her. If you are completely surprised by this, then you have to SHOW her a change. Here's what happened at our house:

My husband was distant, uninterested, and thought anything i had to say was either boring, irritating, or unimportant. He went through life thinking that I would always be there, and his kids would be there. UNTIL....

I found my voice. I grew some balls and I explained to him that I was unhappy. and lonely. and fed up.
He was mad. I understand why he was mad, he had no idea it was happening. Then, he found a trusted friend who was successful at helping him vent, and gave him perspective to treat me like the woman he wanted me to be.

Women respond to compliments and flattery. We love to be adored. We love to believe that you think we are amazing. We know we are flawed, but we want a man who stares at us like he never wants to look away. We know we can be boring, but we love it when you listen. We are loyal to a fault for a man who puts our best interest as his top priority.
OH Yeah, and you better love our kids like you'd die for them.

I'm 32 now.
My husband is insanely happy because he took an active role in nurturing his marriage back to life. He has the most amazing wife anyone has ever met (just ask his friends and family) His kids think he's the ruler of the universe and his wife does anything for him. Because

He ADORES me.

I suggest you find a counselor (or friend who's been there) that you can trust.

I hope you don't have to find an attorney.

Answer 8

You should not need anyone to interpret this for you!! READ the danged thing!! This woman is crying out for attention...she is crying out for love.. she is crying out for someone to care for her.. sincerely and honestly. She just wants what we all want.. and so seldom get.. You had better be paying a LOT more attention to her because you love her and want her to be happy or she will be out of your life and then where will you be?? That loneliness she is talking about?? It is an insidious pain that never goes away when you have no one who will care for you. I know, I have been there.. PLEASE.. if you care about her at all, sit her down and talk WITH her.. LISTEN to her.. hold her and show her that someone cares for her thoughts and her feelings.. show that she MATTERS to you.. she needs that very badly right now.. Good luck. ***as for some of these really STUPID answers.. you people have absolutely NO clue what life is really like out there.. maybe once you GROW UP, you will understand something of what she is going through. Suck it up?? That is REALLY helpful.

Answer 9

man, all this women needs is to be told and shown that she is apprciated for what she has been doing for so long that has gone by unoticed. Try when you are doing things for her, do it with an attitude as if you want to do it, not because you have to. And also, out of the blue arrange for a romantic night either at home or at a restaurant just give her a treat, hire a maid for a day and make sure this day (which has nothing to do with her birthday, mothers day etc.) she does absolutely no work at home and it's all centered around her. good luck

Answer 10

If in fact this is your wife, then all I can tell you is that maybe you should be really paying attention. Not just any ordinary attention, but let her know she's wanted, needed and that she's not the rock, that you really want to be her rock. Show her that she's wonderful, beautiful, a great person, wonderful wife, fantastic mother and that you'd go to the ends of the earth for her.

It's time to show her that she matters. Time to show her that she's worth love and attention.

Women need to hear words, that how we are wired.