My husband and I were having a big argument, and I have been going through postpartim depression, so I've been a little wacky. I was so upset that he went to my parents for advice. My sister is over there at the time. She didn't have her car so my husband gave her a ride home. My sister offers him to stay the night, or in fact stay the night anytime we are fighting. I think this is odd, because they barely know each other and she knows my husband does not like her cause she borrowed money from him and never payed it back. I thought this was in poor taste, and tacky, even though she claims she would have stayed with a friend if he had stayed at her house. Am I wrong? Also that same day I had asked her if I could stay with her, cause I didn't want to be alone. She said yeah, I guess, but had a put out look on her face, showed that she didn't really want me too. This was a mnth ago. Now I find out she is telling everyone I have always been nuts!
2006-07-22 15:10:49 · 11 answers · asked by sky 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No he did not stay
2006-07-22 15:15:02 · update #1
#1. Do not refer to yourself as "wacky" from now on ; that is not an admirable description of a young, adult mother.
#2. Be advised that your sister's actions were inappropriate. Responsible sisters do not invite their brothers-in-law to spend the night. If your husband needed shelter he could have returned to your parents, but you had made it clear, previously, that you did not want to stay alone. Your husband's place was with you.
#3. You and your husband do not need to be running away from each other when you argue. If things are out of hand, call the police, but bringing family members into your arguments is bad business.
#4. If you have Postpartum Depression, you are seeing a counselor, I assume. Your husband might need to attend with you.
#5. The number one concern should now be about your baby. The baby needs two parents. You need to tell your sister, in a firm, non-accusing manner, that the invitation to your husband could have been mistaken as inappropriate, and that you need her to help you by being a good aunt and a good sister.
#6. You need to tell your husband that you need him to be a good partner to you. Apologize for anything you have said to hurt him, or accusingly.
#7. Then, you need to get a cold glass of tea, take a warm bath, and CHILL.
Good Luck !
2006-07-22 15:33:41 · answer #1 · answered by SpongebobRoundpants 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You know. there's nothing going on between your husband and sister. The fact that she has implied she'll stay somewhere else sounds genuine and sincere. If you guys fight like that and your husband wants a 'breather" from it all, maybe that is a good arraingement.
But the real problem here, is getting help for you.
1. Go to a doctor and get some meds for the PPD, maybe you actual have a mild case of depression and that's ok, because it's treatable too.
2. BOTH you and your husband should seek counseling, even if it's only for a couple of visits. You shouldn't be fighting to the point where one of you need to stays 'away' from each other.
3. make a pact with each other: "Don't go to bed mad, ever" I don't give a crap whose at fault, it isn't healthy for your relationship.
It sounds like your marriage needs serious intervention. So intervene-get "it" help and most importantly, get yourself to the Dr. for an evaluation.
Goodluck & Godspeed
2006-07-22 22:23:03 · answer #2 · answered by Mike B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
#1. Get help for that PPD. It could lead to months of trouble. Next love, dance your man away from lil sis. She doesn't have your best interests at heart.
Most importantly, if you are going through PPD and have a fight, the fella should sleep on the couch or something close, NOT OUT OF HOUSE. THat is stupid to get out and leave the baby. You both have a responsibility you need to sack up for. Leaving for any longer than what it takes to cool off (only if a HUGE fight) is max time. There shouldn't be an all nighters now. Your "julio" needs to become an attached man and tell lil sis plainly "that will never happen" so she gets the point.
Good luck sweetie, and get some help for the PPD.
2006-07-22 22:22:05 · answer #3 · answered by ZIAGACITY 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have many issues happening at once. Hard to deal with them seperately, but:
SISTER: Have you always had a strained relationship with her? If so, this is just one more time that you don't see eye-to-eye with her. Unfortunately, you can't divorce a sister, but you can knowingly deal with the differences between you and take each situation with those differences in mind.
HUSBAND: Fighting is never fun, and it sounds as though you are focusing on this infraction with your sister as a means to distract yourself from the issue with your husband. If you feel uncomfortable with him staying at her house (with or without her, doesn't matter) I'd lovingly ask him to choose one of his friends or family members to escape to while you are trying to work out the argument. Better yet, ask him and yourself to stay in the same house, and practice your communication to heal the relationship. Tell him how your emotions are interfering with your "normal" reactions, and ask him to help you through this, after all, you'd like him as your ally, not the enemy.
POST-PARTUM DEPRESSION: This little problem is salt in the wound of the other two. I discussed my PPD with my OB/GYN and let him know the havok it was wreaking in my marriage. He recommended several treatment plans that we discussed until we settled on one that seemed right for me. Once I was emerging from the PPD, the other troubles I had quickly faded.
Please don't try to go this alone. Find a trusted friend (who doesn't have it in for your sister or husband) to vent to while you are getting through this.
Good luck
2006-07-22 22:21:47 · answer #4 · answered by sexymommyof3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you have every right to be upset. That is your sister, not his. She needs to learn her place. Her actions were in very poor taste. If anything she should have encouraged him to go home and try to work things out with you. After all, if he has somewhere to run everytime you two have a fight the two of you will never have the chance to learn how to sit and work out your issues. Don't get me wrong. Sometimes it is nice to walk away and take a breather before tackling an issue. But for her to say he could stay the night is wrong. Again, she is TOTALLY out of line.
2006-07-22 22:20:13 · answer #5 · answered by mccmb02 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When a couple are fighting they should never spend he night away from each other, ever, at all, not even think about it. If you need to sleep in separate rooms that's okay, but you still need to be in the same house. As for your sister, you should have a good long talk with her about what is appropriate and what is not appropriate when it comes to your husband.
2006-07-22 22:18:59 · answer #6 · answered by Meg 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has there been a lot of sibling rivalry or competition between you and your sister?? Sounds to me like she is trying to discredit you and move in on your man, or maybe I have just seen too much Springer! WATCH OUT FOR HER!
2006-07-22 22:16:21 · answer #7 · answered by jen473 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have destructive family aswell stay away from them and try to trust your husband unless you are for sure there is something wrong
2006-07-22 22:14:59 · answer #8 · answered by thegreatone3381 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she is not a loyal sister!!! Sisters should always be there for u!! She is obvioisly jealous of u.
2006-07-22 22:18:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i say u smack ur sister for being such a sour puss, sorry she is being one by the way, but just tell people the honest truth ur fine and she's the WaCkO.
2006-07-22 22:14:05 · answer #10 · answered by *~JeS~* 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋