I feel bad when I say no to people. Is there an easy way to over come this?

Question

I am shy so its just easier to go with the flow... but I always get mad at myself because its usually something I didn't want to do, etc... ergh.

Wow! I got a lot of really teriffic answers! But I just need to add a bit more... I know I shouldn't care "what people think of me" but I really dont want to be known as rude or bitchy. I am basically a pretty nice person but painfully shy. I dont have a lot of friends and I dont want to lose the ones I have because they think I have "changed". Ergh...

Answer 1

Welcome to the Crowd Pleasers Club, "most of us have been there and done that" but, YOU`LL BE SORRRY! "Honey", start practicing saying "No" now! because that little 2 letter word "No" can be a life saver, the "yes" word, on the other hand can be a killer, you`re already finding that out the haarrd way, (and at your own expense) and people will usually respect you much more when you let them know that you value yourself. Always remember too, that your comfort and happiness is just as important, or more important as theirs is. when they compel you to do something you already "know" you`re not up to doing, (for whatever reason), just tell them : "Honestly, I`d rather not", or "I just can`t do it" or "I won`t be able to at this time", I really don`t feel it would be in MY best interest. "No,sorry." "Well I hope you`ll understand, and won`t take it personal if I decline".The way I`m feeling I just don`t think it`s a good idea right now. Then there are times you may be a bit more leaning and say things like: Well, let me give it some thought and get back with you". or say, "You know, that sounds like a good idea, but I really need to think about it first" or "Yes, I`ve done that before, and it did`n`t turn out so well, I really can`t bring myself to put (my family: my children) through something like that again. These are only a few honest ways to "politely" say no, when you don`t want to say yes,or get involved with something that will make you unhappy.So just take control of your life now, you won`t regret it, but you could if you don`t. Your list of legitimate No`s can go on until you feel like saying "yes," and you`ll find that most people will catch on and respect your wishes, eventually somebody is going to say , Oh no, don`t ask her ,she will probably say "no" anyway, but they`ll learn to respect your authority and you.

Answer 2

Yes. Only commit to what you want to do. Any job worth doing is worth doing well. If your heart isn't in it you won't do a good job. Please yourself. You don't make friends or endear yourself to people because you comply with their wishes! Be more assertive and you will live a longer and nicer life. Just say you'd like to help, but your schedule is pretty full right now.
P.S. Will you come over here and mop my floors and take out my garbage? I'd really appreciate it and I'd like you if you did it! Ridiculous, right? Remember that next time someone asks you something you'd prefer not to do.

Ok, do you bother to read your answers? I answered you 3 hours ago! Now you are asking the same question over again and adding information that says you have poor self esteem! Here's a good book to read, its an oldie but a goodie, "DON'T SAY YES WHEN YOU WANT TO SAY NO!" Any well stocked library should have it. Also, "Love to read" or something like that answered you an hour ago. Write down her "excuses" and practice saying them out loud in a mirror or something. They were pretty good and she gave so many I'm sure ONE of them should work for you. Finally, see a counselor. Your self esteem is WAY too low.

Answer 3

I did that for a really long time too. Try overcoming the face that you dont want to say no, when a guy asks you out there prepared for both aspects (the good and the bad). If you get good at that what will really make you overcome this is try asking a guy out then you will really be able to say no.

Try it in a nice way tho. it takes a lot to ask someone out dont just shoot them down let them down nicely!

Answer 4

You should take a look at what this will do for you long term if you continue to 'go with the flow'. I am also a shy person but In my experience it has paid dividends to stand up and say no more often.

The easy route is not always the best route and people may start to take advantage of your good and hones nature.

Answer 5

Never go and do things with out a prepared "NO" on your lips. If it turns out to be something you want to do, you got that covered. I generally question what ever is being talked about, because with a direct "no" then you get all the business of, "Why not?... "Ahhh come on" ... "lets talk her in to it". By asking questions, no body has focused on the negative and generally you can slip thru the cracks. I understand just how you feel. After about a 100 years of doing things I hated, I finally stopped, and observed the direct "no" answers. After listening to their maneuvers, I learned how to get out of such situations. I hope you find your answer, because that is a terrible waste of your valuable time.

Answer 6

Just get in the practice of always saying no first. That way you have a second to think about the decision you are about to make. You can always say yes later. People usually ask more than once :)

Answer 7

i too suffered from this, and the only thing that gets better is to just do it. It really is not as bad as it seems, though at first you might think you are killing yourself. and try not jsut saying no, but maybe no in a nice way, i would rather not, or i cant, that is a good way to start.
the only person you have to answer to at the end of the day is you!

Answer 8

I understand it because I usually do the same thing, but you have to realize that you won't be happy if you don't take the time to make sure YOU are the one who's happy...there are times when you have to make a decision: you or someone else and it's good to help but not that good when you lose yourself. Try to find your balance and the people will realize how much they relied on you, and if they don't f*ck them..you deserve better.

Answer 9

Practice, practice. It gets easier every time. Also, as you get older it gets easier because you ae so tired of doing stuff you didn't want to do.

Answer 10

JUST BE STRONG I HAD A PROBLEM WITH TELLING PEOPLE NO, BUT EVENTUALLY I GOT TIRED OF PEOPLE RUNNING OVER ME. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH SAYING NO IT DEMANDS RESPECT AND ONCE YOU START DOING IT YOU WILL SEE A CHANGE IN YOURSELF.