My wife has had enough & wants to get out,I would like a chance.to make it work! 2nd request, need more input!

Question

This is my 2nd marriage. The first one lasted 19 years and produced 3 boys. Now 20, 17 & 13. She cheated and her situation didn't work out.
My wife now, for the past 3 1/2 years, has had enough of my drepression and is ready to walk out the door with our 2 yr. old son.
I work 2 jobs. By day I am the polcie chief of a small town, by night I work at the local airport for Delta. So I work about 60 - 65 hours a week. She had asked me to quit the airport job about a year ago, but I enjoy it and my 1st wife left me with about $30,000 in bills not to mention she gets $200 a week in child support.
My wife is very head strong, she too is a police officer. She has her hobbies, she plays soccer and has horses and within the last year has joined this medivial thing called the SCA. She really enjoys it. She goes away about 4 or 5 weekend a summer.
I know I have a depression problem & I don't talk. I was looking at her e-mails from what happened with wife #1. Boy is she mad. We are in counselin

Answer 1

First of all may I say: Your priorities are wrong? You should have your wife #1 and your job after that. How can you have a relationship if you're working all those hours, and even when she asked you to be home more? It sounds as if she has tried to get your time?
#2 Get with it with the counseling ! Why are you dragging your feet dinking around when you have a 2nd chance with a great wife and child, and now you're depressed and going to throw this away? Do you think you'll get a 3rd chance? Will you be depressed then too? Get a life and get with it ! Find out why you're depressed work thru it and get on with life.
Everyone has had hard things in their life, but don't ruin other lives because of it, quit feeling sorry for yourself and be a blessing to your wife and child. Tell her you want to work on things, make up your mind to do it, work only one job, be there for her and the child and have a great life. Go for it, stop this selfishness.

Answer 2

First off, are you getting treated for your depression? Get help, if you haven't done so already. If the meds you're on are not working - try different ones (I had to switch a couple of times before I found something that makes a difference). Second - is this really the case that having just one job can't pay your bills? If you *must* work 60 hours a week just to get by and support your family, you and your family are in a tough situation. It'd be hard to make *any* relationship work if all your time is spent slaving to pay bills - even without depression in the picture. If you *can* get by without working a second job - you should seriously consider quitting it. Bills are important, but time with your family also is.

Perhaps you can get involved in some hobbies together. SCA is a lot of fun even if you don't get into it too deeply. Have you ever tried going to an SCA war with your wife? I'm sure she would enjoy it. (I introduced my fiancé to it, and now I don't even want to go to these events anymore, and he loves it and wants to go to every single one!)

Doing stuff together during free time really helps, even if you have to be apart while you are both working.

Answer 3

If quitting the second job is what u have to do to save your marriage then maybe u should do it...........Ask her what she wants. Tell her how much u love her.. do something romantic..Get out your wedding videos and make a slide show for her or something about your life together.. That gets women everytime. Tell her how important she is to you. Dont tell us!!! Your other kids are almost old enough so you wont have to pay child support to your other wife that much right?? If thats your hobby get a different hobby, maybe something u and her could do together.. Like fishing?!?! or u could make like model airplanes.. as for your depression talk to your docter about it.
Maybe try to make a point of being interested in some of the things she is interested in. Or pretend, just for the sake of it!!

Answer 4

You know what? I would leave you too. First of all, I know that you have to support your family. Dude, wake up, smell the coffee, she needs your attention. Get to the doc, get some med's for the depression, you still have a chance. Be with her, and if you love her, you will find a way to save your marriage. Good luck

Answer 5

Nowhere in the statements you made does it say that you are getting help for your depression. I think that is what you need to do. Maybe if she sees that you are trying your best to keep her she may change her mind. One thing is bothering me though, are you sure you love her? Because I am sure she has expressed her frustration to you before and you never did any thing about it until it is too late, which makes me think that maybe you don't really love her.

Answer 6

working those hours will aliennate any women, being depressed only adds to the stress, i hate to say i don't blame her, as what type of life have you given her? a husband who is not there, and when he is he is depressed ( over the debt i'll assume ), it's seems to me like you never should have remarried unless you had both the debt and depression under control

Answer 7

Forget it.....Its is OVER. You blew it when she asked you to quit the 2nd job so she went out and got a life.....DUH!!! It Happens! You ignored her and now she is in greener pastures. Give it up.......and maybe now you will need a third job for the next round of child support!

Answer 8

It's extremely difficult to sit back and watch someone we love be depressed. I have been in your wife's situation, and I had to leave too. It was very hurtful to know that nothing I did could make him happy. Even though, in my head, I knew his depression was not my fault, it was impossible not to blame myself: after all, I couldn't make him happy, who could? I found him to be very self centered as well, as most depressed people are (not intentionally, and I'm not accusing you of if). Everyone talked bad about him, all of his ex's regretted the time they spent with him, he was a disappointment to his family..on and on and on. I got tired of always having to try and cheer him up, and to listen to how much he disappointed people. How self-centered does one have to be to think everyone who ever knew you does nothing but talk about you? I wanted to spend time with him, but there were things he had to do 'for him'. Well, it was all for him, and he didn't have anything left over for me. I know he loved me - but he was a little too busy feeling sorry for himself to fit me into his life, and he blocked me out of everything. God, just trying to get him to tell me what was bothering him was like pulling teeth, but I had to know WHY he was walking around all depressed. It was maddening. I'm glad you're in counseling, but until you love yourself, accept your past and are thankful for past lessons learned, it is unfair of you to want to be in a marriage where you're not willing to share everything. Sorry I'm bitter, but I wasted years of my life trying in vain to make someone else happy and it almost killed me.

Answer 9

It sounds like your wife has had enough of you!
However...whatever...let her go and before you join yourself with someone else, make sure that you are wholly whole: mentally, emotionally, spiritually!

Answer 10

let her go, she should be standing by you, not givin you more stress