How do you get out of a bad relationship? I don't want to be mean, but need to end it right away for my sake!

Question

Boyfriend is 14 years older and is very manipulative, jealous, selfish, and will use me up and throw me away when something better comes along. I have never been in a "healthy" relationship. I have never been on my own. My boyfriend hides things I need and will do things to my car to prevent me from going places. He makes up things to fight about. He sneaks off after I am asleep, gets drunk spends my paycheck, gets a DUI and he makes me feel guilty. I am really a smart person, but I am a bit too loyal - I wish I could find people that could teach me how to be healthy - I am living in a small town. No family here, but a couple of great friends - but they have their own problems and I don't want to burden them. What steps should I take to live alone, and how do I tell my boyfriend it's over without a real big mess?

Answer 1

You sound pretty negative about yourself and what life has offered you thus far. Honey you have to learn to give yourself permission to feel down every once in awhile without feeling guilty about it. That's part of life. Once you learn to do this you will be able to act in ways that will restore more positive feelings and to accept the reality of situations, people, and circumstances that you cannot change, but changing those things that you can.
The most addictive and destructive love relationships feed off the mistaken belief that they can change the other person. They may have some control and influence, but the control that you can properly use involves changing
" your" actions and responses.
No matter what the situation offers,honey, focus on your responsibility to yourself to do what you can to be happier.
From your post it seems like you've put up with a lot of demeaning experiences from this man. It is not surprising then why you have such a negative stance about your life.
Sweetie, a relationship's outcome depends on the mutual and joint contributions of both parties. Did anybody ever tell you, that your not responsible for the outcome of this relationship. Your man's style of relating to you is dangerous and emotionally abusive. You seem to be caught in the web of his control. There are no easy solutions when you find yourself involved with a man whose way of relsting to you is destructive to your happiness. You made a smart decision to leave this farce of a relationship. I'm sure you have allowed this jerk to determine your self-worth for long enough.
And honey, don't think for a second that you can't live without a man in your life or that your nobody if you don't have a man. Learn to be motivated by your own values and by the way that you would want your life to be and not by someone else's standards.
Lastly, knowing that you are in control of your own life, you will grant yourself unconditional, nonjudgemental permission to feel, to do, to say, to live your life fully. Think on this and start living!

Answer 2

This relationship does not seem healthy at all and you need to get out of it as soon as possible. Maybe take a friend or two with you when you break up with him for support. It seems he could become abusive, since he is already manipulative and everything else you've described. If he does get that way, then go to a women's shelter, they can help you there. Also, I would recommend maybe getting some counselling to help you develop the confidence you need and the skills to live alone and have healthy relationships. If you go to www.psychologytoday.com, they have a section to find a therapist in your area, most insurance companies cover mental health services so if you call, they may be able to tell you some people that can help you. I wouldn't worry about burdening your friends, they are there to help, thats what friends are for and to me it seems that you need some support from your friends in this situation.

Answer 3

Well, if you are doing the dumping, then do it like this:

- pick a time when neither of you are stressed
- get some private time where you can be alone together
- explain clearly your reason (I'm sorry but I just think we're drifting apart and it's not working out anymore...)

Be prepared to answer any questions that he asks like 'Is it me?' 'Don't you like me anymore?'

Be kind and gentle in your replies, particularly if he is an emotional or sensitive guy (yes there are some out there!)

Once it's over, be strong - don't be tempted to go back out with him again if you feel a bit miserable in the period whilst you are re-adjusting to being single again.

~hope this helps

Answer 4

I would save some money and move far away. It's not hard to live on your own and start over. You don't need a man to live especially one like him. Tell him it's over and move on.

Answer 5

Throw his stuff out.

Move away

Do not call him/ write him/ speak to him

Go back to your family.