How do I stop having sex?

Question

My boyfriend and I are both Christian and have always been virgins...until recently. We had sex, felt terrible...but we still are having sex. We both really like it a lot but we always feel bad later. Like we really shouldn't be doing it. Help, please!

We do go to church. We are christians, we pray about it...there is a reason we feel bad, you know...

...yes, it's a sin. But we are saved...we are going to get married. We know the consequences of pregnancy...everyone struggles with sin...this is ours and we're honestly asking for help

these comments have been just wonderful, everybody. I don't want you to think of us as ignorant pleasure seekers. We're 19, we've been dating for two years, and it really seems like we just want to be closer and closer to eachother. That's how it first happened. I do not intend to have sex with any other man, not because he was my first, but he was my first because I know I'll marry him. I'm not in any way using that as an excuse or anything. I'm just helping with background. I appreciate all of this. I really do.

Answer 1

"As a dog returns to its own vomit, so a fool repeats his folly."
Proverbs 26:11

Been there, done that. Sin is often pleasureable, so you can't just stop sinning, you have to avoid the temptation. If you can't be alone together without doing it, stop being alone together. If you can't make out without going all the way, stop making out. If you love one another enough not to jepordize the other's relationship with Christ, you will not flirt with temptation. Also, don't buy into the deception that, "its like we're married already, so it doesn't matter, cuz we're going to get married." It will hang over the early part of your marriage in the form of resentment. (also from experience). He wants you to be pure, and you want him to be your spiritual leader, and you will fall out of love with one another if you don't get your integrity in order. PRAY, decide, and do it. Being sorry and repenting arent the same thing. You think, "I'm mature enough to handle this situation," and then you put yourself in it again, and there you are. If you are old enough, get married. If not, you need to start changing your dating patterns. I AM NOT lecturing you, I am speaking to you woman to woman from experience. It will bother you all the time, until you repent, or until your relationship with Jesus or or boyfriend is severed. I continued having sex, until I felt less and less guilty, and then I got to the point where I felt totally cut off from Christ. And I fooled myself into thinking it was okay because we were getting married, and it bothered me and my husband well into our first year of marriage. God Bless you, I am praying for you both.

Answer 2

Before you started to have sex, I'm guessing that you were exposed to quite a bit of the religious viewpoint about the subject: that sex is dirty, that it should be only for procreation, that it is reserved for a husband and wife, etc.

And now that you started, you've probably realized that sex feels like a completely natural and comfortable human process that doesn't feel dirty or evil at all.

And there's a conflict.

You've got a few options here, but this isn't an easy issue.

1. Don't stop. Rethink the way your religion views this kind of thing. Take the time to teach yourself about sexual health, birth control, and protection against disease. Use protection every time. Keep going to church and continue to devote yourself to the kindness and charity that Christianity teaches.

2. Stop. This will be much harder. Probably the best (only) way to do this without "lapsing" is to distance yourself from your boyfriend. Try to avoid being alone together in conditions that could lead to having sex. Find things to do in groups, with friends, and in public places. Don't trust your willpower. The "ooooh, we'll just cuddle for a while then put our clothes back on" thing never works. "iahp_mom" had good comments about this option.

good luck to you!

Answer 3

I recommend that you enlist the aid of a friend who will act as a chaparone for the two of you. Your hormones and emotions are running very high and you need an outside source to help keep you pure. This will be very difficult and you will need to make a decision rather quickly as to whether or not you wish to marry this man. If you both decide that you do want to marry I recommend doing it rather quickly as to avoid further fornication.
I can't stress to you enough that this will effect your relationship with your boyfriend for the worse. Having sex before you get married and the guilt you feel could cause problems for you later. You may need to get some counceling in order to learn to forgive yourself. This is especially true if you do not marry this man.

Again the best thing you can do is either get married, or limit your time alone with this man until you are ready to get married. This is the main reason that many Christians encourage their children not to date until they are ready to marry.

Good luck dear.

Answer 4

Why stop?? Sex is not a sin, do you honestly think that those people didn't have sex back in the day that weren't married or for the sole purpose of having children?? You already did it, who cares, everyone does it. Don't let the pressure of being perfect get to you. Doesn't God love everyone no matter what they do?

Answer 5

The desire to have sex is a totaly natural thing, it's a human desire to create life, which is fuelled by it feeling really good! We would'nt do it if it did'nt. Sex is all about feeling and getting as close to someone as you possibly can. If the two of you love each other and your being safe, there is absolutly nothing wrong with what your doing. Your really lucky to have lost your V to some one you trust and like. Don't feel guilty and don't regret, you cant go back now, so just follow your feelings. Hope that helps?!?

Answer 6

What you didn't state is your ages. Why not just go ahead and get married. If you lost your virginity together, you obviously share something special already. My wife and I lost ours together. I was 17 and she was 15. I had already proposed to her and we knew that we'd be married. We only had sex about 3 times before marriage and most of that did not include actual intercourse. It was mostly fingers and oral on each other.
Anyway, that was 29 years ago and we are still happily married. Stop carrying all the guilt. Jesus died and took your guilt. Satan wants to keep that guilt on you so you will stop trusting in Jesus to lead your life. We are all sinners no matter what. Ask Jesus to remove your guilt and be happy with your partner. But...Go ahead and get married..that will solve your current solution. And you if you do get pregnant, you'll be okay. Trust Jesus and God Bless You.

Answer 7

Your guilt is from your religious upbringing. Are you looking for someone to say it's okay? If it feels good do it?

What are you using for protection, not from STD's but unwanted pregnancy? Are you ready to raise a baby? Yes, sex, making love, is wonderful and it feels great, but there are risks and responsibilities that come with it. What are your parents going to say when they find out? What are his going to say? Sex can be just as much of an addiction as alcohol or cigarettes. Use some common sense, BE CAREFUL!!!!

Answer 8

Why can't you allow yourself to just be happy? Why the need to have such guilt over something so natural.

Common sense suggests that sex is normal between two people and that the Christian religion made it wrong simply to control the masses. As a consumer of religion, you can decide which aspects you believe and which you don't. In fact, if one religion doesn't meet your needs then you can shop elsewhere.

Answer 9

If you aren't planning on marrying him, then you really need to stop. And since you aren't married to him, you really need to stop. Having guilt is a way of God telling you that you need to repent. Ask for God's forgiveness, and pray that he will give you self control. You should start spending less time with him, and more time with your bible. Not that your boyfriend is bad, but give him my advice, see what happens. There is a lot in the bible about having sex before you are married. You are on my prayer list! God bless you!

Answer 10

Watch a video of labor or something.

And ignore the guy above me. Sinning twice is two sins. Sinning three times is three sins, not one.

You know you are sorry, so just pray for forgiveness and watch the video to stop the urges. Maybe ask you sex ed teacher? S/he will be surprised when you ask, but happy, I guess.