I've been dating my boyfriend for four years. He has made it clear on several occassions that he wants children. He has even named them. I'm not sure what I want as far as children but more often than not, I don't want them. I can think of better ways to spend our time and money. However, there is no convincing him on my point of view. He thinks I'm just selfish.
We plan on getting married when I'm finished with college and I can't marry him unless I'm sure. What should I do?
2006-07-22 10:26:21 · 16 answers · asked by missjessie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds like maybe you two are starting to have different goals in your lives. That's good.
In some areas, though, you must have the same goals or it just won't work. Having children is one of those goals that must be agreed upon by both parties BEFORE marriage.
It sounds like you're both just finishing up college? This is a common time when people get married or breakup. Your goals change. You grow apart. Whatever.
It's natural. If you can't work it out on your own, go to your Student Health Center for advice.
2006-07-22 10:32:57 · answer #1 · answered by booktender 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Maybe you are still young and selfish , Just another good reason not to have children until you are ready .
Do you feel you know who you are ? what your opinions are on most things ? This can determine what you feel is right and wrong . How can you teach a child right from wrong if you don't know who you are yet ? If you don't know what your values are how could you possibly try to install them in a child if you simply arn't ready to raise a child ?
Sounds like you have some thinking to do . Think about it , most people will feel like they want to raise a child eventually , Its really the only part of you , you are able to leave behind when your life is over .
also why do you have to pop out bunch of babies after you are married maybe you want to do some thing else with your life ? It doesn't have to be one or the other you know you can do both . many woman have , many woman just want to do one or the other thing too though .
2006-07-22 10:48:08 · answer #2 · answered by insertstrawhere 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well you have every right not to want children. Your young and well life has so much to offer. Get your education if that is what you want and don't short yourself because of what someone else wants. You have that right to say no. I had two boys that I'm glad I had and all but college was on the back burner. My children have always come first in my life. It is good that you want to wait and maybe never want kids is okay to. Truely in your heart you know what you need to do and maybe that is take a break from him. You don't agree on this subject and may never. To be fair Your boyfriend should understand your feelings about this. And if anyone is being selfish its him because he is trying to get you to do something you don't want to do. Good luck Deep in your heart you know what to do.
2006-07-22 10:47:33 · answer #3 · answered by kimber69 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are smart to say that you can't marry him until you are sure. That is fair to both of you. Be honest with yourself and with him. You both deserve that. HE deserves a woman who wants kids, and you deserve to not be pressured into wanting them.
Hopefully you have a few years until you are finished with college so that you can think about it. you might want to try spending some time with some kids in your family or that belong to your friends. See how it feels. Talk to people that you know who have kids and get their opinions about how the issues of time and money balance for them.
Parenting is a tough but awesome job, but only if your heart is ready for it. It is a shift in life priorities. You do need to put others before yourself, and it is fine to admit that you feel the need to do things in life just for yourself right now. That is alright. You may even choose to postpone getting married, or not Marry your current boyfriend at all. Just listen to your gut, do some heavy thought, and most of all, give yourself time.
2006-07-22 10:46:10 · answer #4 · answered by connorsmom916 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be true to yourself and to him. Don't have any kids before you marry. Don't marry until you settle this division. It's important to him to have family and you don't want to deprive him of that opportunity. If you marry him unwilling to give him a family that he desires, he will resent you and this relationship will be over before it begins. If I were you, I'd get some counseling to find out why you feel this way about motherhood. At any rate, it's your body and life. If you don't want what he wants, do him a favor and break it off before you go any further. THAT would be the ultimate unselfish thing to do for him. Good luck to you both.
2006-07-22 10:38:05 · answer #5 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You better think twice. It's not fair to him if you marry him then decide you will never have kids. You say you can think of better ways to spend your time and money. Oh geez, please do not have kids. Doesn't sound like you would be a very good parent. I agree with him, I think you are selfish. Be very honest with him and don't marry him if you really do not want to have kids. Because if you marry him and then have kids just to please him, you will always blame him for it and it doesn't sound like you would appreciate what having children with the person you love will bring to your life. Let him find someone who will love to give him a family. Move on.
2006-07-22 10:32:11 · answer #6 · answered by BluePassion 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is unfair to marry someone when you KNOW that something so large and important is going to be a source of conflict. There is no way for one partner to have children when the other one does not want them - so...if you care about him either begin to see his side or for both your sakes - let him go.
2006-07-22 10:50:32 · answer #7 · answered by doc 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you really dont want kids ever,then heres what you do.its sneaky and dishonest but will accomplish your goal.make an appointment and get your tubes tied,or at least an I.U.D.then tell him that your ready to try for a baby.naturally you wont get pregnant and tell him you will see a fertility doctor,and come back from the doctor crying and tell him the doctor says you are steril and can never give him a child.if he really loves you it wont matter to him and you can live happily ever after. good luck.
2006-07-22 10:34:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a pretty big topic to not agree on. If you cannot come to the same decision on this, I don't think you should marry.
2006-07-22 11:10:38 · answer #9 · answered by lavenderroseford 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have plenty of time to decide. Wait until you have an education. If you still aren't sure, don't have children. It would be unfair to them.
2006-07-22 10:30:08 · answer #10 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋