why is my mum so hard to live with?

Question

my mum rules everything in the house and she is always right even tho she is wrong most of the time. she never listens to no one and is really really stubborn. i am angry at her for being like that all my life. me and my dad and sis have to deal with it 24/7. we have to wake up when she says, we have to eat when she says, we have to sleep when she says. what kind of life is this. she has brought us up wrongly and taught us hw not to be normal just coz she aint. it is sooooo unfair and i cant cope no more. my dad cant niether can her own mum (my grandma). she is always right and never wrong. she says she is perfect and no1 in this world is except her. i h8 the attitude and how do i bring her back to earth. her head seems to be up high in the sky. she has her own life in her head and its weird. she aint normal and she stobborn and wont go see doc about her menapause and M.E. its been going on since 16 yrs and enough is enough. we need to stamp down on her ruling behaviour but how?

Answer 1

I know exactly how you feel...I am currently staying with my mum on a temporary basis. Usually she is fine with me, but when she knew I needed to stay there for a short while, she's gone and got herself on a power trip! She's even said 'You are my daughter, so I rule you!''. I'm an adult now! I try and confront her and it always ends up being a total waste of time. However, when I am living elsewhere, she is great! It's just weird.

Anyway, if you think the reason why your mum is being like this is because of her menapause and M.E then maybe you could confront her about it, see what she has to say about it. I'd also mention how she is making everyone else feel, as she may not realise what she is doing. It would be even better if you could get everyone together to confront her about it at the same time, it'll make more of an impact and possibly make it easier for her to see how she is affecting you all...Good luck..I know its hard, all the best though.

Answer 2

No one, absolutely no one is perfect. You'll probably never bring her back down to earth, but what you can do is rise to a higher level yourself. Don't have slanging matches-she'll always have the right answer. Besides, words are meaningless--it's what you do that counts. If you keep doing the opposite of what she says (don't do silly stuff like catch a sexually transmitted disease, or get pregnant, or do drugs), in the end she'll give up bothering because actions peak louder than words. It'll be even better once you get your own car, then you won't be so dependent on her. Sadly though, mums do have a habit of being right a lot of the time. The main thing to remember is-if you don't want to be wrong, don't argue back, just do the right and sensible thing.

Answer 3

Actually, it sounds as though your mum is hanging on to life and sanity by a very slender thread. The only way she can keep herself together is by the rigid rules she imposes. I will suggest that you all try being very caring and loving toward her. I am sure that I would have a difficult time doing that, but it may be your only hope. Stamping down on her behaviour would be traumatic for all of you. Maybe if she feels secure in the love of her family, she will relax a little, maybe even enough to be willing to get help.

The rest of you need all the help you can get - try talking to your doctor, your minister, someone you trust. You may not be able to change her, but you do have a choice in how you feel.

No doubt about it, you have a tough row to hoe. But I think you'll make it.

Answer 4

So it seems that your mom is the one that is hard to live with. Imagine, being the one to pay the bills, put the food on the table, be responsible for everything that goes on in the home and she selfishly wants to be the one to call the shots.... make the rules... be the one in control.

I think that the best solution, it would seem, would be for you to move out and get on your own. I don't mean move in with a relative or friends who will probably want to tell you what to do too. I mean move out on your own. Then you won't have anyone to tell you what to do. You can stay up as late as you want, sleep in as late as you want, you can do whatever you want to do.

Of course, you will have to get a job but, hey, you'll probably be hired as the president or CEO or the boss so you can tell everyone else what to do.

or.... maybe not. You'll probably have to start at the bottom and work your way up. You'll get all of the jobs no one else wants and won't get paid much for it either. You'll have to work late and ome in early and when you complain to the manager about how "unfair" it is he/she will just look at you with that same blank stare you give your mother. You know the one... the one that says, "I care so little about you and your needs that although I see your lips moving I can't hear a word coming out of your mouth."

Until you're ready to take on life by yourself, I suggest that you shut up and listen to what your mother's years of experience has taught her. Then, maybe, you won't make as many mistakes as she did. I doubt that but, maybe...

Answer 5

Tell her you value her opinions but that you have different views on things. Not everyone agrees on everything and that ok! It may cause conflict, just try not to let it get to you. Respect her opinion but let her know you have your own opinions too. Its hard to live in the same house as other people, sometimes your own family. Try not to yell about things, just talk about them calmly and handle things as an adult. If you do this she will respect your thoughts much more. Not everyone is the same so you have to handle all peoples personalitys differently. Ive learned its impossible to change anyone including your parents, a boyfriend/girlfriend, friend, husband/wife....anyone! You are who you are, you just have to learn how to talk to different people and put up with your differences. At least you already know her and how her personality is, so you can try to work around it. Maybe tell her youd like to go to counciling with her to make your relationship better. And by the way (dont rush to move out) but once you do, things will be much easier! I moved out when I was 18 and my relationship with my mom got 100% better. Just remember no ones perfect, but you are who you are. You dont always have to agree with her and in all reality im sure she doesnt expect you to, everyone has different thoughts and feelings and thats ok, its normal, just handle things in a mature way. Good luck with everything :)

Answer 6

God I so wish my mom was still here and she was bossy too, she ruled with an iron fist but thank god she did and I grew up with more compassion and understanding because of it, wait till you go through the menopause and see how crap it is, have you ever actually asked your mother what its like having M.E as well as going through the menopause, you sound like an intelligent person so why not go to the doctors yourself and get some information on her illness and the menopause and read it yourself to try to understand what it might be like for her, maybe the reason she is so damn stubborn is because no one has ever listened to her or how she feels, you obviously aren't either!!!!

Answer 7

Wow! It sounds very much like she is in denial. Heavily in denial. Perhaps she feels out of control in her life somehow and needs to control everyone else because she cannot gain control over that one thing. You say it has been going on for 16 years, so I'm guessing she wasn't this way before. Your mother needs help, you guys are going into crisis because of her behaviour. Incidentally, you say she has ME. When was she diagnosed, if she won't see a doctor? Maybe this is the one thing she cannot get control of. If she has had a confirmed medical diagnosis, then she is lucky that someone professional recognised her illness and she does need help managing it. I was only diagnosed with it last year, but have had it at least 12. Not knowing what was wrong and then not being believed caused me much in the way of psychological problems and depression. Only with the support of my doctor, and a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist have I been able to deal with that. I cannot stress enough how beneficial CBT has been for my ME. I have severe ME and although the CBT has not had an overall effect on the level of health I have, it has totally wiped out the depression and has enabled me to face the fact that I have a lifelong and disabling illness and to cope with that. I really feel that your mother would benefit from the same. With everything you hear about the illness, it is so easy to feel at best misunderstood, at worst like a total fraud. Your mum sounds like she is very scared and with all that control going on, she is exhausting herself and placing her health in danger, and alienating the people who are closest to her and can help her more than anyone. She needs to see her GP as soon as possible, and see if she can get this CBT therapy. Try and encourage her to join some ME support groups on the net and to search for information there. Action for ME and Sleepydust give good and mostly reliable information. With ME, periods and menopause can really afect it in a bad way. Your mother needs lots of support, encouragement and understanding. But she also needs to realise that her controlling behaviour is totally unacceptable. However, you are far too young to take all this on your shoulders. Speak to your grandma and dad, see what you can all find out together, maybe go to the GP together and see what he suggests, though he cannot discuss her details with you, he may be able to help. There are also support groups for carers and families of those who have ME and they may well be able to give you some help. I hope for all your sakes you can sort this out, but she needs to do something fast, reaching a person in denial is hard work, so arm yourselves with all the information and support you can before approaching her. Without blaming her, she may realise that you are actually there helping her because you love her and want to make things better for all of you. I sincerely wish you good luck, God Bless.

Answer 8

Sounds like your mum has some major issues going on. If you try to see things from her point of view, it might help you both. Now that you are older, try to realise that she is not just your mum but a person with feelings too. Things will work out - think and act positively! Good luck!

Answer 9

hard choice for you but i think you all need to give her an ultimatum get help or we go , i know you all must love her but love has to go both ways , we have gone through a great deal of pain because of our 24yr old son for ten years and we have finally said enough is enough , how many times doe's a dog get kicked before it bites back ! I know it will be hard but you cant live your life like this. good luck to you .

Answer 10

try and have a chat on one to one basis maybe thats what she needs some mums do get like this at our age but a bit more love and understanding may work if not a trip to the doctors may help or councilling for al