my husband decided last fall that he didn't want to be married to me or be around me anymore after 11 months of marriage. i was a widow for a long time before i fell hard for this man. i was not even looking. i didn't think i would ever have those "want to spend my life with this person" feelings again. i am supposed to know what i did. he won't look at me or talk to me. and he has been taking another woman places we used to go. i don't know what god wants me to do. it's a hard situation to describe. i feel as though my heart has been murdered. i married for life....not just for a few months to try it out! i don't care about money, etc. i just love the man.
2006-07-22 09:31:09 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You can not make a man want you so try to find you a new life without him.I know it hard and it hurt to be treated like that but just let go.Why do you even try to keep a man if he already cheating on you before he divorce you.You can do better no matter what the problem if you two could not sat down and talk about it then you need to show him you strong you can make it without him.Good luck get out there and do something to make yourself feel good.Hold your head up and do good don't make him think you can not make it without him make him wonder what going on.
2006-07-22 10:05:02 · answer #1 · answered by Happy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like he is very immature. He probably married you thinking that's what he wanted, then realized that he wasn't ready to commit and wanted to go out with other women. He is very selfish and self-centered, if you ask me. I know you love this man, but if he is not willing to sit with you like a real man and talk about what is going on, then there is nothing you can do. I just hope you don't feel every man is like this. You've just had bad luck. If you cannot get a hold of your husband and communicate with him, then you need to see a counselor for yourself. Sort out your feelings and work on yourself. You may realize that you are not so "in love" with him. Especially after he did this to you.
Good luck and God bless. Please do the counseling thing. The same thing happened to me, the only difference was that we've been married for 24 years instead of 11 months. Hurts the same, I am sure. I am in counseling now and am beginning to feel very good about myself.
Oh, I have a suggestion..... Write him a letter. But don't sound like you are dying in it. Let him know how you feel about what he has done and tell him that you wish he would be man enough to confront you and talk like two human beings because you are married and this is not just a boyfriend/girlfriend situation. You have to come to some type of decision here. Divorce, legal separation or work it out.
2006-07-22 09:44:29 · answer #2 · answered by BluePassion 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't do you much good to love a man that doesn't love you now does it? That is what is known as a waste of time, not to mention energy, or the hurt you are causing yourself by trying to force something to exist that doesn't. Move on, now you know you can have those feelings again so find someone worthy of them. It doesn't matter that you got married forever because obviously he did not. There is nothing you can do to change that so chalk it up to a bad experience and keep going, it really is the only choice you have. Quit worrying about the why, it doesn't matter anyway and doesn't change what is and thats the only thing you have to deal with.
2006-07-22 09:51:06 · answer #3 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, do we have a lot in common. My husband walked out on me and I just found out last week that he left me for a woman he met on the internet! It's only been 2 months for me but I have found I HAVE to move on. You can't hang on to something that isn't there any longer. I am so sorry you are going through this. If he won't tell you WHY, you have to come to terms with that. Even if he did tell you, it probably wouldn't make since anyway. Divorce is such a hard, hard thing to go through. It leaves you completely devastated. If you need someone to talk to, please feel free to email ANYTIME at carolscreation@yahoo.com
2006-07-22 09:45:05 · answer #4 · answered by carolscreation 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The basics of love is that ones happiness should be essential to the other. If you cannot please him and he doesn't care about your happiness then he should leave. Are you sure that you love all of him? It would be hard to love someone who dishonors you like that. What you thought he was is gone and I'm very sorry. The Bible says let them be equally yoked. It sounds like he's slipped the harness and is kicking up his heels. It's O.K. to grieve for what kind of life he promised but when this other lady finds out what he's like and dumps him, don't allow him to hurt you again. Find someone better. I was widowed but now I'm living happily ever after ! You will too.
2006-07-22 09:45:53 · answer #5 · answered by Laura B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are in a very difficult situation. Nobody knows what the future holds in store. So do not curse yourself. Don't bring God into the picture as He did not force you into this marriage. If your love is not reciprocated then you need to end this relationship before it hurts you more. My sympathies are with you but you need to be strong. I think he married you out of compassion not out of love. So move on with your life.
2006-07-22 09:42:20 · answer #6 · answered by StraightDrive 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First I am sorry to hear about this. But the message is clear, if he does want to have any relationship with you no more. It will be even more painful for you if this turns out to be a one sided love!
Plz. let him go, imagine he died early just like your first husband.
Time is your best healing agent, you will be fine. There are many loving people awaiting your love, so don't waste on a dying seed.
2006-07-22 10:02:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you got a really raw deal. The best thing to do now is to get into therapy to help yourself heal. Also to understand that while you went into this marriage in good faith your scum-bag of a husband did not and the person you thought you loved doesn't really exist. Good Luck to you.
2006-07-22 10:03:27 · answer #8 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps he wasn't as in love with you as you are with him. It sounds like he's trying to make you feel guilty for the fact that he fancies someone else. Forget him, he's not worth it. I'd say you just have to chalk this one up to experience.
2006-07-22 09:40:28 · answer #9 · answered by newmummy 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's usually black and white, he doesn't want to be with you, or he wants to be with you. In your case, he doesn't. Don't be in denial. Just let him go. It will do you good. It will be hard, but seek some therapy, and always realize in the end, no matter who you're with, and what you've been through, the only person you've got is yourself.
2006-07-22 10:52:54 · answer #10 · answered by the_memory_of_ashes 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋