My husband is currently in Poland on a stag weekend and as we speak he is in some seedy night club with strippers and lap dancers. This kind of thing has never bothered me before, infact he did all this on his stag do and I was fine with it, but we had a baby this year and my body is certainly not back to what it was so I feel insecure. I tried to explain, but he said he had to go and couldn't get out of it. So he's left me at home looking after our son on my own while he has a fabulous weekend abroad with naked women flaunting themselves at him. We can't afford a holiday together and all his vaccation goes on a DIY project. All I can tell you is that I am finding it really hard sititng at home knowing he's in a club with strippers etc. What should I do? Should I say anything to him when he gets home on Monday? Am I wrong to feel this way?
2006-07-22 09:25:40 · 13 answers · asked by newmummy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tell him it's time to stop behaving like a school boy and start acting like a married man.
2006-07-22 09:28:49 · answer #1 · answered by cutiepie81289 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dear New Mommy:
You are NEVER wrong about the way you feel. In a marriage it is healthy to have disagreements and it is healthy to know how to resolve them in a win-win manner. Yes, when your hubby comes home do tell him how you feel. Suggestion: Do not bagger him. Fix a nice candlelight dinner, have a relaxed atmosphere, see if your mom or mother-in-law, etc can babysit for you for the evening. During dessert tell him how you feel; always remember to speak in the first person. For example, "You know honey, since I gave birth to our beautiful son I have been trying to lose some of my weight gain. I'm sorry if I over reacted to your going on vacation with your friends but I felt hurt, alone and inadequate. I don't usually feel this insecure but I want to discuss my feelings with you so that we can know how best to handle this kind of situation should it come up again in the future,,," Be sure to let him make some suggestions too. Together you two should be able to settle this situation nicely. Remember: Win-Win Solutions mean that BOTH persons must compromise. Good-luck! I'm sure everything will work out just fine. Hugz and kisses for your little bundle of joy! Smile.
2006-07-22 09:38:13 · answer #2 · answered by Delicious D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not wrong and yes u should say somethin. That is your husband and u just had a child, his child your body is still recovering he should be home supporting and helping u. If he just wanted to hang out like one of the guys he should have never gotten married and commited to being there for u. It took both of u to make this child and both of u to be there. he is wrong an u need to step up an make him help u. U and ur new baby should be more important than those strippers.
2006-07-22 09:32:27 · answer #3 · answered by tang 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you're not wrong! He should not be doing this. But if you didn't mind before he won't understand why you're mad now. I think you should talk to him calmly and explain that you're a new mother and need his help this child has two parents and he has to be there for you. How would he like it if you left him the baby and went to a male strip club or to a bar where a bunch of single men hang out? Probably not much.
2006-07-22 09:31:33 · answer #4 · answered by honey27 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He didn't "have" to go as he claims, he went because he wanted to. While he's out there in a strip joint for the weekend, you're being the responsible one staying at home and taking care of the baby. That would cause me to really lose respect for him more than it would hurt my feelings. Sorry but if I had a husband that wants to go to strip joints and will not hesitate to go to them while I'm at home taking care of our kids that he helped bring into this world, then he will find out I don't need him as much as he thought I did and him and other people can label it however they want.
2006-07-22 09:54:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not wrong to feel that way, you have an honest feeling. Perhaps you could talk to him about doing things together as a family: visiting friends, drives, walks, etc. Families need quality time together, or they start to drift apart. Or maybe you could go out with your friends alone sometimes.
2006-07-22 09:33:35 · answer #6 · answered by Linda 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes you should let him know how you feel instead of letting it eat you up until it finally explodes and ends up ruining your marriage. No you are not wrong to feel this way. You just had a baby and feel uncomfortable with the way you look and feel. Ask any woman who has ever had a kid and they will express the same feelings. When you do talk to him though don't let it seem like your attacking him or he will immediately go on the defensive. Let him know how you feel don't tell him that he makes you feel this way. Use phrases like I feel........ or when you do this it makes me feel......... otherwise you probably end up fighting instead of talking.
2006-07-22 09:35:02 · answer #7 · answered by fly on the wall 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You were fine with it as you said, so he went. If he would have given you a second thought he would not have gone and left you with a baby. I would bring it to his attention that it was not a good idea and you prefer to go on vacation 'together' when you two can afford it.
2006-07-22 09:34:15 · answer #8 · answered by D L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If i were you my feelings would be hurt.
If I were your husband I would plan time off with my family,seeing
new places,meeting new people,doing new things.
Just the way I feel,not from experence,I have never been
married & have not been on a date in years.(I'am only 5'6")
2006-07-22 09:35:12 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him know how you feel.. he shouldnt do that to you. Leave him home with the kid, and go out to a ladies club somenight ;)
2006-07-22 09:34:41 · answer #10 · answered by Reverand Ray 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋