How would you handle it? Honestly.
2006-07-22 09:00:57 · 46 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
I'm not planning on going home. I just want some answers.
2006-07-22 09:08:58 · update #1
I'm not planning on going home. I just want some answers.
2006-07-22 09:08:59 · update #2
I would not necessarily file for divorce immediately. Nor would I go back. It's naturally hard to give you advice while having an imperfect grasp of the situation, but here's the best I can offer. You should never stay with a man who hits you. That's abusive and wrong. If you have been married awhile, if this is the first time, if you want to give him one more chance, then go see a marriage counselor with him. If he can't agree to that, then don't go back. If he ever hits you again or is abusive in some other way, then get out. One of the most frustrating and painful things in life is seeing battered women who just keep going back. Be smart, and don't let him hurt you.
2006-07-22 09:13:44 · answer #1 · answered by Caritas 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
first off - I have been through a crisis similar to this and have come out on top (with my spouse). We are together and doing well.
Get into counceling - he should have respect and generosity enough to respect the fact that you don't feel safe (being that he hit you) and that you want a mediator, and to go through counseling before you come home. Don't go if he won't agree. Statistics show that in situations of domestic abuse, couples who enter into coucneling after the first occurance and stick it out have a very low rate of having a second occurance.
Sorry for jumping the gun there - you may not want counceling, and it may not have been the first occurance. But, that is my advise to you - right now think back and white, becaseu these situations can get so slured. This is all I have gathered from you so far.
1. He hit you
2. You don't feel safe (as you are staying with your sister)
These would be the next points to look at
3. Are you both willing to stay in the relationship
4. If so, what will it take for you to feel safe and be able to trust him again
5. Is he willing to give you exactly that (within reasonablility)
If he is not willing you have to question wether or not he wants to be with you, and then wether or not you want to be with someone that doesnt want to be with you. Its hard. But staying in an abusive relationship is harder.
A side note - if your relationship got to the point of physical violence - chances are it was in a bad way already - counceling can help you through those things that made it bad in the first place. It usually isn't only one persons fault - that's not to say that I know cases exist where it is....
2006-07-22 09:53:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry you had to go through this...
First make a police report. Let them know you want this situation documented. Ask if he'll be arrested or not. Ask yourself do you care. A paper trail is always good in case something happens in the future. Also take a visit to the hospital and take pictures if he did any damage. Then think if you want to end this marriage or not. If you can give copies of everything to daughter, mother, or friend.
If you are on borderline, tell him that you can attend counseling and decide on continuing. SEE WHAT HE SAYS. LISTEN! How does he intrepret the situation? Is it your fault or his? Why does he feel the need to put his hands on you? Why doesn't he care about consequences to his actions? What triggered this type of anger? Has your perception of him changed significantly enough? Why is violence a viable solution for him? It is highly likely to happen again. But if he attempts to make a small effort to go to counseling great. Maybe it will help, if not and you happen to go back to him, you've just redraw a very crucial boundary... it is okay to hit you. There are no rules or consequences in your marriage. With that type of silent understanding this will happen again. When things escalate keep in mind they're is a fine line wherein permanent injuries or even accidental death can occur. SHAME ON HIM. Back injury, neck injury, blow to the head, permanent scars on face or body. You were lucky this time. Just a simple fight can get out of hand so fast. Whatever you do don't fight back to be on the offensive. Just defend yourself because his anger can twist so far out of control that you will be dealing with someone not in their right mind and that's when bad things happen to dismal proportions.
2006-07-22 09:34:26 · answer #3 · answered by JenniferE 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are many things to consider. How long have you been married? Will spouse express any kind of remorse? Usually those who project control over another, have no inner self control, so beware! Also remember abuse if let go usually gets worse. Seek counciling, hopefully with spouse. Take a cooling off period at your daughters, and remember you are not a punching bag. If your spouse thinks you are the one who needs fixed, you may have to seek a divorce. Be sure to think everything through very carefully.
2006-07-22 09:10:38 · answer #4 · answered by toe-nee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't suggest it he has no remorse. The ball is in your court. If you want to stay married then work on it, either in or out of the house. If you can't live with knowing that he could do this again and apparently does nto care about his actions or your feelings then stay where you are and file for divorce. You may look into hostils, a place where he can not go, if you think he might be violent again.
2006-07-22 09:03:51 · answer #5 · answered by girly girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not go home. A relationship is not a happy one with any degree of violence in it. If it was a mistake and possibly an accident on your spouses part then he should be sorry. If he is not then what happiness could be gained from going back in for the long haul?
2006-07-22 09:07:27 · answer #6 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answer to your question depends on the context of the incident.
If your husband is not generally abusive -- physically or mentally -- and you were a party to the incident, meaning you were provoking him, or were physical as well, then it's up to you if you wish to continue the relationship.
If this is not the first time, if it was unprovoked, or caused by drinking or other behaviour, then you need to move on. There is no point wasting one's short life in an unpleasant situation where you do not get basic respect.
2006-07-22 09:06:45 · answer #7 · answered by Lynne D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hit you like... a little slap? A pat on the butt? A punch?
Stay away. If he wants you to come home, but he won't even say he's sorry for what he did, he's an a**!
Stay away for good, or at least until he comes begging on he knees, or (depending on the size of the hit), stay away forever.
2006-07-22 09:05:04 · answer #8 · answered by Zabela 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hell no. do not go home. If he has done it before and is a very violent person, tell him that he needs to go to anger management. If he disagrees with that, I would just file for a divorce. If you dont feel like getting into lawsuits and all that kind of crap, I'll take care of him (kick his *ss). You shouldn't be treated like that. Now, if you cheated on him, thats a completely different story. good luck
2006-07-22 09:06:08 · answer #9 · answered by Frank 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh ya go home so his can kick your *** some more. or get some help someone who can beat or the law it is up to you. These type of men are cowards they can only beat women and cry like bitche when they have to fight a man. And of course he is not sorry because he has no respect for you. Dont put up with no idiot like that. It's not worth it
2006-07-22 09:05:46 · answer #10 · answered by Cheryl M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋