one of my best friends passed away while i was in europe.how should i cope???

Question

on july 4th, at 2:05 in da morning while i was in europe my friend's dad was drunk and went through the house while his kids were sleeping and systimatically shot each of them in the head close range with a hunting rifle.u mite have heard about it. he wasnt normally like dat. i found out on da 8th when i came back and its been so hard 2 cope.wat r some ideas....not just 4 me but the mother who has 2 deal with 4 of her childeren being gone...(i saw her at the funeral, n she was a mess)i havent been able 2 get ovr it.i keep thinking ill c her at my summere youth program but deep inside i know none of them r coming back...=:::(((

we are both only 12,so its really hard.but say what u want,my teachers think i should b going 2 college rite now.

Answer 1

OUCH!!! Thst's sad. Losing a friend to a medical condition or accident is depressing, and not easy to recover from. But losing a friend like this can be rough. I lost a friend in a somewhat similar situation. He was riding on the back of a Harley with a friend. The friend was drunk. An "accident". One life was lost. Honestly, I had only known him a few weeks. But we developed a close bond and the friendship was just starting to grow. I visited the mother of my friend, and I think we both came away stronger. I also visited the mother of the driver. She was just as much a wreck as the mother of the victim. It was a great help to get the perspective of both sides (in your case, it would be much more difficult to do). As a start, visit your friend's mother. Offer your assistance. A bond may develope. She will appreciate what you are doing for her, and probably never know how much she's helping you. Next (I'm trembling, here), visit the father in jail (if you don't think you can handle it, DON'T). Approach him with a stone cold face, jaw set, firm glaze, etc. You need only ask one simple question. "Why?" Watch his reaction, body language, composure, etc. His answer will tell you what you need to know. Was this the result of a drunken stupor, or the end of a long strained relationship with his family? Interlock that answer with the ones your getting from the mother. Next, get counseling. Anything, a psychologist, a minister, a mutual friend you shared with the victim. Get their reaction. Discuss it. Finally, get involved as a volunteer. The obvious one that pops up would be MADD. If there's an organization in your area that assists crime victims, that's even better. You need some time away to keep from thinking about what happened. It gives you something to focus on, and most importantly, a chance to do something positive to help others. Think of it as directly helping your friend. Don't spend all your time thinking about it. But then, again, don't try to turn away. You need to face this directly, and eventually bring something positive out of this experience. You've got an uphill battle. Face it. And accept the challenge. Get those counsellers, ministers, friends, and mother in place. In the wee hours of the morning when you couldn't sleep and are in the throes of the deepest depression you've ever had, it's nice to know there's someone you can call for help. GOOD LUCK.

I can't get your question out of my head. It's been a while since I answered. Finally, I did a Y! search. Sorry about recommending you face the father. I had no idea. This has touched my life. My thoughts and prayers go out to you always. God Bless.

Answer 2

The only way I really know of coping with something like that is letting out my feelings to someone I can relate to, like a counselor, or just everyone coming together to comfort each other with nice memories of the people, or person who died. My phychiatrist was originally from Asia and I loved him very much as a friend. It's hard to believe he's dead now, and it leaves a very empty feeling. You guys are lucky. I never was invited to any kind of funeral for him and it seems no one knows how he died. Very mysterious. I hope this might be some good advice. May God bless you and look out for you!

Answer 3

Get back over to that mom, and get into the church. Get all of the people around you that loved these guys and hold on tight. Everyone deals with loss of this sort but not the magnitude! Pray, pray a lot, I'll pray for you too, and get my whole church to also. But cry! Grieve, however it is you do it. I lost a Friend, and I still have the scars, and I don't think I'll ever really be over it, but, you learn to live with some pain, and, someday, the memories stay as the pain begins to fade. Give it to God, I think that's the only way. Peace.

Answer 4

Um...this is really hard to answer. I cant promise you that my suggestions will heal your wounds,but I can still help. First, let us talk about you. You need to help yourself out first. Then, perhaps we can try helping out the mother.

I don't know how it generally works,but if you are a Christian, visit the Church more often. (Your own religious place - the Temple, the Mosque...) I am not a Christian,so I don't know how it works. But if I got it right,you visit every sunday. Visit the Church as much as possible,if possible, daily. It will help,trust me on that. Have a chat with Him, just whisper, or think it. He is up there and only He can help you now. Pray for your friend every day, every hour, every minute - as & when you remember her.

Also,do all the activities you used to do with her more often. Others may advise against this,but I tell you, you will feel her presence. If she liked basketball,start playing - what you waiting for? If she liked music, dance - whatever! Just do it. This may end up in you breaking down many times, but it serves 3 purposes.

No.1.It's a way to vent out your frustrations and emotions.

No.2. She's still with you through those activities. You can feel her presence.

And, no.3, you need more "me-time" now. Talking to someone else will not help as much, all they can do is cry with you or console you. That'll make you feel only a wee-bit better. It may hurt at first, but thinking again and again about her will bring you face-to-face with reality. Trying to forget her will not help, and you shouldn't forget anyone like that.

One last suggestion, you can talk to her too. Like how you talk to Him. She's with you,and she's listening. She wouldn't want you to be a mess. Right now, she's probably crying with you. She wants you to be there for her mother. Help her mom out. right now,she needs you the most. Involve her in these activities if you wish. Or you could get together sometime, and talk about your friend. You both love her, you could cry on each others' shoulders. Because no one else knows your sorrows better.

If your friend liked baking cookies with her mother, try to get her mom back to these activities. (The same applies to whatever her other kids loved doing) Slowly, you both will start feeling, she isn't gone. They are all there. Right beside you. Right with you.

Good luck! Wishing you and your friend's mother All the Best! And, remember, it isn't gonna be a blink-and-heal process. You need time.. and time is the best healer! Hope your family supports you in all this. (Try to rope them into this, if you think they'll help. Take your friend's mother out for family outings)

P.S. Meanwhile, please do not let your grades go low! And do not get obsessed with her thoughts such that it disrupts your normal life - imagination can help you a lot. Try smiling again. I bet you'll grin! =D

Answer 5

There are several support groups that you can go to. sometimes you need to rely on each other too. If you go to support groups listings on the internet you can find many groups listed for grief. In fact Ihad to do that to because I saw my best friend of 5 years shot and killed just 2 months ago and now I am in a group because Ihave to testify to. So the groups help a great deal because you meet others who have been through the same thing. They can offer other tips.

Answer 6

It's very hard. 25 and lost my dad last year to prostate cancer. U don't know what to do sometimes cause u want 2 see them or hear there voice. I love to go to the cemetary sometimes and sit and talk to my dad when I got a problem. I know he's up there listenin 2 me. I get so frustrated sometimes not having him here when I don't know what 2 do. I enjoy talking about him any chance I can bring him up in a conversation. Honestly, you'll never get over it. Got 2 find ur own way to cope with it. I promise it will get easier with time. Hang in there honey

Answer 7

No not in any respect Scooter, i assume you met this pricey someone the following, and what exceeded off on your connection turned right into a turning out to be, and conversing previous the following. I surely might want to believe there changed into some mutual leisure, yet "slowly" is the approach and that i doubt you'd be a lot less considered interior the doing.

Answer 8

All of these answers are great. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. Talking out how you feel with other friends and family is very helpful and writing your thoughts and feelings also helps get them out. When you feel liking crying let yourself. If you can find a grief counselor he/she will help also. If you can get with the Mom it will help her to hear about your friendship with her child your friend. Tell how you felt about him/her. Remember happy times you spent together.

Answer 9

Oh my God.. I'm so so so sorry!
You really need professional help. Anyone who knew that family will probably need it.. Especially the mother.. Oh my god, that is awful! It's almost impossible to get over this kind of thing alone, and usually you don't really get over them, you just learn to live with it, and learn to do something about it. Your life is going to change, and your perspective of life will change too.
Get professional help, and join a support group. It will not go away, but it will get easier to live with.

Answer 10

Aw, I send my condolesences and my sympathies for your loss. I'm not a trained therapist or anything but talking to one you feel comfortable with may help. Talking to your friends and/or family will help too. Don't ignore your pain and it's okay to feel anger (just don't take out on anyone). That's all I can think of but again, I'm sorry for your loss.