when i satisfy myself i think of men, but when ever i try to be intimate with one i cant get it up? am i gay?

Answer 1

You may just be suffering from performance anxiety. It is very common with new people. they are afraid they are not hot enough, or adequate enough, won't be good enough in bed, or know how to satisfy a man. If this is the case then I suggest finding a nice guy who you can play with more often. This might help you get more comfortable and accepting of yourself.

Answer 2

it sounds as if you are attracted to the raw sexual activity but not the intimate side of sex. thats o.k. too. Kind of like the person in general who wants a sexual partner just for the sex but doesn't want the love relationship, just get it and go home kind of thing, no attachments. there is nothing wrong with this as long as it is mutual and no one is being falsely led on.You probably shouldn't dwell on it so much and just let things flow naturally and enjoy the moment. who cares if you are gay or straight or bi or whatever, as long as you are happy and satisfied, do what makes you feel good with whomever you like. just a thought for you to consider, when you play on both sides of the fence there is a lot more variety and a lot more options,(and it's just plain"a lot more fun")

Answer 3

To be honest don't worry too much about the 'gay' label. Don't pressure yourself. There clearly is a same sex attraction on some level, but that doesn't mean you are ready mentally and physically for a complete lifestyle change. Just do what comes naturally and you feel comfortable with. If you follow that simple advice you'll soon enough answer your own question. Trust me, I've been there!!

Answer 4

Okay, you can't get it up, so maybe when you're with another guy, you should take on the role as the passive partner...the bottom as it is called. You may want to be with a man but not in the man's role and it's confusing for you when you're alone, you can be satisfied. Probably in your mind's eye, you're seeing yourself as the passive person and that excites you while being solo.

You've been with the same sex so if you're not gay, then you're bi. Short (no pun), sweet (again, no pun) and simple (there's nothing simple about life...period!).

Answer 5

I think you haven't come to terms with this whole gay/bi thing.
And are trying to fight it as I did. Just relax get comfortable like alot of these folks have said. Take it slowly with an experienced partner that will take the time to comfort and teach you right.

It could also mean that you are fantasizing about being the female and the idea of you having the erection is disgusting. So at first do it as the passive female partner and I am sure you will really enjoy it.

Answer 6

There are a lot of things left out in this post. Have you ever been with a woman? Is this your first sexual experience with a man? Is this your first sexual experience at all? Really I don't think it has anything to do with labeling yourself. You may be scared of what the other person might think. Or you may not have met the right person. None of the information really tells any of us the whole story. Sooner or later the right person, whether it is a female or male, will come along.

Answer 7

Sexual dysfunction and sexual orientation are completely different issues.

Sexual fantasies, regardless of the nature, do not dictate sexual orientation. You may, or may not be gay.

In the best circumstances, sex is an expression of devotion and trust with a person you have a relationship with and care about deeply. Sexual activity and intimacy aren't the same. People are capable of separating them, but then they find it difficult to have meaningful and lasting relationships.

Has it ever occurred to you that the intimacy you are having problems with could be the result of not feeling comfortable with yourself and/or your "partner" and not an indication of your sexual orientation?

There is no way, based on the two things you revealed in your question, that any of us can determine your sexual orientation. That is for you to figure out. It is very possible that your problems getting it up has absolutely nothing to do with your sexual orientation.

Answer 8

Do you ever think of women? Do you ever feel attracted to women? If so, then you could be bisexual or bicurious. Do you ever engage in activity with women?

If you are only attracted to men, then it would infer that you are homosexual.

Your problems with intimacy could be caused by many different things. You might be experiencing internalised homophobia, and your performance problems might stem from guilt. Alternatively, your sex drive might be having problems, and a doctor may be able to help.

Answer 9

You might just be scared! There are many straight men who find a particular woman attractive but are unable to achieve erection due to some irrational fear or another.

Answer 10

being gay doesnt have to do with physical activities, if you like men then your gay, but no one can decide if they're gay or straight just by stuff that they do, or don't do in your case (no offense)