How do I tell my Christian parents that I am gay?

Question

Hello. I'm 16 years old and I'm having a very difficult time in trying to see how I can tell or 'make it seem obvious' to my parents that I am gay. As you can see my parents are strong believers in the Pentecostal-Christian faith and they don't take homosexuality as a joke. What they don't know is that I am part of that great big circle they oppose greatly of, not only that they are against me and hold me in high disappointment because I was brought up in a 'Christian family' and yet I don't go to church. I don't believe in God, or anything and I've been like this for years. In fact, I've been liking boys ever since I could remember, but I've been keeping it hidden in the shadows afraid of what is to happen. I'm growing up, my hormones are starting to react to things and my heart is beating faster! I have a crush on my best friend, I love him 2 death like a brother and a lil bit more. I just don't know what to do. If I was to call myself a Christian, that would be hypocritical.

Answer 1

I could sit here and type that your parents love you and all that jazz, but I think you need to realise that there are parents out there who disown their children for this.
My advice to you is to tell them and be honest. Tell them that even though you are gay and don't believe in God, you respect them for their beliefs. If you put the decision in their hands and act maturely, and be serious, they might be okay with it. You are their son, and whether THEY like it or not, you ARE family.
But, yes, there is the possibility that they will NOT accept you and my advice for that is be strong.
You might get kicked out and all that jazz, but once you seek your own happiness and live for your own mental and emotional well-being, not to mention sexual, your parents might come around.
I know people who were is a similar predicament as yours and some of their parents came around. I need to be honest though, some of them didn't, and for those that did, some of them took a while, even a few years.
So, I am going to be repetitive here and tell you to be honest, not only for your sake, but theirs. Who knows, maybe your parents already know, it's that intuition thing, they are really good at it.

Answer 2

It seems you have some misunderstandings about Christianity. Jesus (and God) love all humans: heterosexual and homosexual. Jesus never uttered a condemning word about homosexuals.

Even the Catholic Church and Pope admit that there's nothing wrong with being homosexual, the issue is that homosexuals (in the church's eyes) should not have homosexual sex just as they believe that no one should not have premarital sex. Please know that God created all humans in His image; therefore, He created YOU, too, and loves you. Whether you choose to believe in Him or not is your choice.

Okay, now to the parents' part. Your parents may have a hard time accepting the fact you are gay. They may say or do things that they'll later regret, which could make your time at home difficult. All I know is that if they are truly Christian, they'll learn to accept you and who you are, but it may take some time and sone counseling.

I'm not a certified counselor, so I don't know when the best time would be to tell them. You said you don't go to church, which would mean going to your minister for guidance is prob. out of the question. I know PFlag (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) is a national organization that works with educating families and help them grow in acceptance and understanding: http://www.pflag.org/ They also help young people like yourself who are scared and need guidance. They have many links on their website that could help you.

As for your best friend; do you know if this person too is gay? You may want to hold off on letting him know how you feel about him until you have come out. Otherwise, if he is not gay, he may have an adverse reaction (shock, could tell your family or others, may react violently) that you hit on him. If you wait until after, if he is too, he may initiate with you, first.

Please do not be ashamed or afraid of who you are. I know this is a rough time for you, but there are people out there who will help you.

Good luck.

Answer 3

I understand your problem... hmm. Well, the best is to be strong and just do it- tell your parents. Confront them with what's on your heart. If they're truly Christian, they'll still love you! And most of all, undoubtedly accept for how you are. They should also support you. It must enough pressure for you- how could they dare to make it harder by being opposed? So, my advice is just to calmly and firmly talk about this and in a very progressive way. Then, just feel what seems to be best, follow your heart, and go with the flow... hope this helps and good luck! :)

Answer 4

Well i read that you believe in God. But i think you should try reading the 25th verse of the 43 ch. in the book of Isaiah and it says that "God forgives all your sins, he will forget all past mistakes." I'm not saying you parents will forgive and accept you but I am say if you ask for God's forgiveness he will forgive and forget. If you ask God to help you will open your parents heart and help them forgive and forget as well.

Oh and if you find it hard to understand the King James version try the New Century Version and most Christians have alot worse than you but God loves them anyways but most churches might not accept the gay community in the church but some of them do. I even know some homosexual preachers and priest if you thinking about converting. : - )

Answer 5

Alright, I know that you want to tell them but there are some things that you should consider first. One of them being how financially independent you want to be if you plan on going to college. Can you afford college if they kick you out of their house? Can you afford living on your own? These are real things that being 16, you need to know about before coming out to parents that might not approve of you. If you still want to come out to them, test them. In this bring over a friend that is gay, preferlly a member of the opposite sex so that they don't get the connection right away. If they take kindly to her, talk about it with them. If not, question them as to why they don't approve of her. But when you pick a friend to introduce, make sure they are at least alittle bit of what they look for in a "respectable" person. Just a suggestion.

Answer 6

if you're going to tell them, you have to make sure that you over shadow them by saying something like "i know this family is Christian, but I really don't care what you think about me anymore, I'm gay and if you don't accept it then, you're not gonna be seeing much of me anymore" well, i dont really know how strict your parents are, for example if i said that to my dad, he would get so pissed i would go hide under a rock. Just make sure that they know that you dont care if they accept it or not (even if you do care) ive learned that if you tell your parents that you dont care if they accept it or not, that they'll probably back off.

Answer 7

There is a book called Gay Theology with out Apology, it helped me tons when I was going thru that. I was raised in a Pentecostal home and I know what you're going through! If you need to talk, my email is [e-mail]. Good luck

Answer 8

Don't say a word until you're 18.

I don't trust any religious nuts...and your parents might try to force you to do things to 'change' because you are under age.

When you're 18, you can flip them the bird and move on with your life if they're against you.

How sad for the parent who disowns their child for something the child cannot help.

WAIT UNTIL YOU ARE 18.

Answer 9

Man it is Hard. I'm not Gay. But i can see how it can be Hard to tell your Parents. Eventual, Your going to have to tell them that you are Gay. But, You have to be prepared. Don't go in cold Turkey. If your parents reject you. Then they need to look themselves in the mirror. Your there Son. They should LOVE you for who you are. Period. Let me know what you think. Contact me.

Answer 10

Find a friend or bf that will take you in if your parents kick you out.Sit your parents down and tell them you are gay.If they dont accept you,then they dont really love you enough and you should move out asap.If they accept you stay.BEFORE YOU TELL THEM MAKE SURE THERE IS SOMEWHARE YOU CAN GO.