i have been married for 17 years and i am not happy. i can't afford to leave. what should i do?

Question

i have 2 children. 7 and 17. my husband gets on my nerves. likes to run that mouth.

Answer 1

I'm sorry you are not happy. I understand about feeling stuck though. What I do when my husband of 14 years does this, which is often, I tell him "you are getting on my nerves. I love you and want to spend time with you, but when you get like this, all I want to do is get away from you." It doesn't permanently change things, but it gets his attention because it feels like a rejection to him. About running his mouth....... to protect myself from being bugged by this, I imagine myself being surrounded by a protective shield, I only allow in what I want and find to be acceptable to me. To do this I imagine that I am in a castle and when he starts to run his mouth, I imagine closing the drawbridge. I know this sounds corny, but it allows me to be protected from his negativity. These are only short-term survival techniques though. The biggest thing is to determine where and when you lost your happiness with him and if it can be found again. If not, keep focusing on your self-esteem and finding ways to create your own happiness in life. I found that when I stopped relying on my husband to bring me happiness, I could do things for myself that made me happy and feel good. I lost a lot of weight, I went back to school, and I keep myself busy with friends who enhance my life.
I know divorce isn't always an option or the answer, you can empower yourself right at home and feel happy and whole again. Remember his problems are his and you don't have to help him carry around that negative baggage. Just close that drawbridge and let him sit with those dragons. Only he can decide to make his own life better.
Best of luck with this!

Answer 2

Only option is to stay.......we don't know if you are a stay at home Mom or work outside the home. You need to really analyze all of the reasons you are not happy......if it is entirely your husband, there has to be some way to make him understand how he is making you feel. Patterns are hard to break, but has he always ran his mouth? If so, why is it just now making you unhappy? I would try to find some interests that I have always been putting off and start doing them.....create interest and fun in your life. Find out why he is always feeling the need to run his mouth? Get some alone time without the kids and that will give you time to talk without interruptions and become closer. Good Luck!

Answer 3

OMG!!!!!!! there are worse things then gets on your nerves but running his mouth and this day and age your odds of getting somthing worse is big. sounds like your ready to trash your childrens life becuase you dont "FEEL" like your in love if you pretned you love your husband and really try youll wake up one day and realize that the love that cuased you to marry him over will be right there but this defeatest attitude of relying on feelings over getting on my nerves. is bogus.


granted some morons will tell you , " you deserve to be happy" and you should leave. these are the same idiots that make marriage more like a joke and less like a lifetime commitment, take their advice and end up like the most of the population and be married 3 or 4 times and youll have shattered your childrens lives before you realize the truth is marriage isnt always easy and it is what you make of it. those people that say leave him over this are full blown idiots.

Answer 4

How bad is it? Get counseling. That said-divorce is hell, I've been through it and I know. Still if the marriage is horrible it may be the best thing for you, not necessarily for the kids. Spend time developing yourself first. Get a job and increase your self support skills. Don't have an affair to boost your self esteem-that will backfire and you still won't be able to support yourself. Get legal advice before you do anything. Don't forget you will bring you with you wherever you go. You will still have problems in relationships. Do everything you can to make this work before you leave. Good luck, I know you are in considerable pain and I wish you the best.

Answer 5

So find something to do during the hours that he is home. Start meeting with other moms. Get a part time job - tell him you are just wanting to be able to help the family income. Start going to other places. Get a pair of ear plugs. Then you won't have to hear what he is saying. Start going to sporting events where the noise is so bad that eventually you will need hearing aids to hear and then just don't turn them on when he is around. If you really want out of the situation...Get a job and start working towards independence. Go to school and get a degree in something that will help you get away from him.

Answer 6

Do you want to leave? Or do you want the marriage to work? Counciling could possibly work. (Although I wouldn't know, my husband won't go.) Just through the past few months, I have come across people who gave me ideas and names of places in our County where I could get financial help if I left. I always thought I could never leave because I had no money, but there are many resources out there to help! Our Job Center is one of the places that has information. Don't live miserably, but don't leave if you think the two of you can work it out, somehow.

Answer 7

If you're unhappy you can't afford to stay. I know this from personal experience. My parents have been married for 26 years and while my brother and I were growing up they were both unhappy, which in turn made my brother and I miserable. They loved each other (I think,) at some point in their lives but most of the time they didn't like each other. I was extremely lucky to have the brother I did, (he was Mr. All-American everything) because I had to eventually focus my energy on trying to live up to being like him (I know, trade in one evil for another.) Let me give this to you bluntly, if you no longer are in love and your marriage is no longer an endeavor you wish to pursue, make it easier and less painful on everyone and end it.

Answer 8

wow 17 yrs its a life sentance..especially when you have to listen to the same male deep voice every day and just say...yes dear..of course dear...i agree dear...it would drive me crazy and id end up telling him to shut up. id ask him to change his ways first if he does not, which i doubt after 17yrs hes probabily set in his ways..then tell him you will leave..half of what he has got is yours any way..if you own a house put it on the market sell it and take half..and get your self some where you and your children are going to be happy..and you can then start again..if you do not then find a job and financialy support your self and your children. but i could not stay in a marriage where i wasnt happy..

Answer 9

You might want to attend some programs offered through your church, like Marriage Encounters or Marriage Workshops. In those kinds of seminars, you may rediscover the passion you once had in your marriage. It certainly can't hurt to try... and you have a lot to lose if you don't. Good luck!

Answer 10

Why can't you AFFORD to leave? When you realize you can be happy with less THINGS and less money, maybe then you will be able to afford to leave. Until then, you just have to put up with it. It doesn't cost one dime to leave, but it does cost to get a place to live, you could go on welfare for awhile. If you can't learn to live poor until you get on your feet, you will stay where you are.