had a fight nite b4 last with my fiance.. second major fight like this first time he called me a ho and i slapped him he back handed me back this time we fought i yelled at him and pushed him away and he pushed me on the floor went 2 the er yesturday cause it was all black abd blue sprained it... told the docs i fell.. and it scares me cause i want 2 believe it wouldnt happen again.. but its the second time in 6 months that he let his anger control him...im just really confused......
2006-07-22 06:32:57 · 41 answers · asked by alicia n 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ummm....sweety,babygirl...RUN......... Don't marry him...please don't marry him I would honeslty hate for you to become a statistic...If he is hitting you now imagine what he will do once your married ..when your married if he is as controlling as I think he is then hell feel like he had total control over you because you are now married and he "owns" you ..... Think about it your already making excuses for him...1.It wont happen again 2. You told the docs you fell 3. He let his anger control him........We are all very capable creatures and we are able to control our anger and if we feel that our anger is getting the best of as responsible and conscious adults we should step out and allow ourselves to cool down..... Oh and the fact that he called you a "ho" should be an automatic get-the-hell-out-of-the-relationship sign...he does not respect you as a woman 1. because he feels that as the big strong dominant man he is he has to display this by putting his hands on you not once but twice and 2 if he really love you he would never even think to call you out of your name he shoudl shutter at the fact of anyone else calling you a ho much less him doing it himself... Look I know its hard to get out of relationships and its even harder to get out of abusive relationships but sweety just GO.....Honestly if I were you I wouldnt even tell him Im leaving because you may upset him again...and also think about when your married your gonna have to be worried about what to do and what not to do in order to not get him mad ..your whole marriage your gonna be walking on egg shells trying to keep him happy .... I hope you hede my warning and run....One last thing I dont want to make it seem like Im placing the blame squarely on him even though he was wrong for hitting you a woman should never hit a man because its just making a bad situation worse..but to conclude I would just like to say RUN NOW ......
2006-07-22 06:46:56 · answer #1 · answered by smartchik33 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Unless you can convince him to get some serious relationship counseling, and/or go to anger management classes, then I'd leave him. There's absolutely no reason he should treat you this way. If it's all ready going on now, think about how worse it could get if you get married, and he refuses help of any kind. If he really loves you, he will get help, but you must tell him first off, either you get help, or you lose me...what's it gonna be? I don't like any man treating a woman this way, it's just not right at all. If he doesn't change or seek help, dump him, and move on with your life. Just don't fall back in the same trap the next time with the next person you date. I'll keep you in my prayers.
2006-07-22 06:41:32 · answer #2 · answered by jazzdrummerdave 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fighting will only get worse as will resentment, regret, hurt, etc. The ONLY way it would get better is if he went to counseling on an ongoing basis. What WILL it take for you to leave? Getting seriously hurt? The longer you stay, the harder it is to leave. I think you know that you should leave. I think you know he's not going to change for the better. I have seen too many women come in getting tests done because they've been kicked or punched by their boyfriend. Some of them have serious damage done to them with one blow. Pregnant or not, young or old, black or white...it doesn't matter.
I had a BF who said he would leave before he ever hit a woman. He ended up hitting me once. He didn't even remember doing it. That night he was gone.
2006-07-22 07:18:53 · answer #3 · answered by virtuouskelly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Should you stay with a guy who beats you?
Uh...
If you like being hit, degraded, disrespected, lied to, insulted, possibly raped and killed in the future....then sure...stick it out.
If you want a healthy life that you can be happy in...and raise kids in...then get out now while you still can. If you continue this behavior, you will both become addicted to the unhealthy relationship, and it will be EXTREMELY difficult to leave...perhaps even dangerous.
If you are serious - this is no joke. You are already in an abusive relationship. Want to know the scary thing? This is just the beginning. He will not change, even when he begs your forgiveness if you threaten to leave. Things will get worse.
PS - you and him cannot fix your issues....these go way beyond self help. Constant professional help MIGHT improve things, but he is not a wounded puppy you should try to work things out with in the hopes he will change. He cannot.
2006-07-22 06:40:07 · answer #4 · answered by Nightwish 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, what concerns me is you are hitting him and shoving him too! It seems that may be the way you two have decided to communicate when you are angry. When you get married, there will be many, many days even in a great marriage that you will be angry, then what? If you decide to stay, you both should talk to a couples therapist, they are available at any mental health department. They aren't expensive and they may be able to help you both learn a better way to communicate. Good luck to you, this will be a hard decision for you.
2006-07-22 06:50:13 · answer #5 · answered by Lisa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there was a first, and a second time, there will be a third time, learn from the mistakes that has happened, i mean unless you like the drama, theres a lot of females that stay with there men when they do this, because they dont think that they can find anyone else.
2006-07-22 06:37:12 · answer #6 · answered by ~*Jenny*~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well im torn about this
if you hit him first why is it not ok for him to retaliate? they say a man should be able to stand there and take it but i wont stand there and let some woman beat on me just cause shes upset or mad.....if he has done it without u striking him then i say get out but if u have also hit him then u are both wrong and might try seeing a counselor or a preacher.
2006-07-22 06:55:53 · answer #7 · answered by all_r_better 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The very first time a guy hits you, or even just threatened to hit you, you have to get out of that abusive relationship before it gets worse. Once a guy have physically abused you, no matter how much he promises that he will not do it again, HE WILL DO IT AGAIN. He's done it before, what can stop him from doing it again? You know what you have to do... You deserve so much better than that,
2006-07-22 06:40:27 · answer #8 · answered by Arashikitty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The question you have to ask yourself is this...Is it worth me getting hurt again? He may not do it again but why take that chance.
He might have an anger issue and he needs help. Does he get mad if you try to talk to him about it..if so..then you need to leave. It means its not going to get any better and next time, it might be ten times worse.
2006-07-22 06:58:05 · answer #9 · answered by Barb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie it will happen again. You are lucky to have discovered this trait before you got married and had children. I'm speaking from experience here, do not be one of the statics of abused women. Not only that but think of your future children and what they will have to live with. Be smart and walk.
2006-07-22 06:39:23 · answer #10 · answered by loser 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋