What are the stages of grieving for loved one that passed away?

Question

My mother passed away on July 17th after a battle with breast cancer.

Answer 1

I'm sorry to hear that your mother died. Losing one's mother is often one of the most difficult life experiences.

The stages of grief are typically denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and finally acceptance. Denial, for example, can be a numbness: "This can't be real." "She can't really have died." Bargaining can include guilt: "If only I had. . ." "Maybe if I... then she will come back."

However, these stages are not necessarily linear. You may feel and experience these states many, many times. One little boy described the stages of grief as waves of water. The waves ripple outward and flow or surge in and recede. Grief is very much like water in that it is a fluid experience.

Many local hospices have free support groups. The quality varies but many are excellent. You might call the local hospice if you haven't already and get on the list for a support group. That way you can have a safe place in which to talk about your feelings and hear others' with similar experiences and feelings.

Writing unsent letters can also help. You may write letters to your mother that express your thoughts, joys, regrets, grief, feelings, memories, wishes, prayers. Put these away in envelopes in a safe place--or place them in a bottle and send out to sea. There are many creative ways to cope with grief.

In my view, what many refer to as closure is an oversimplified concept. Acceptance means that we learn to live with the loss, integrate the loss into our new life, and are able to resolve the loss within ourselves. Often this means that, after the raw grief heals in time, we find some ways to contribute to others what we have learned through loss. It doesn't mean that the loss ceases to hurt or that you have abandoned the memory of your loved one. It simply means that you are able to be at relative peace with the loss.

Grieving the loss of your mother may take a long time. Don't allow others to place time limits on your grief. There is no set pattern or timeline. There is no right or wrong way to grief. You grieve--and that is healthy. Moving on, in time, is also healthy.

I hope this helps.

Answer 2

Sorry for your loss. My dad died 3 years ago. Time does not erase your feelings, but it does get a little easier each day. You just have to go through the motions of each day until you get back to "normal". My best advise is to feel what you are feeling. Don't put on a brave face, don't feel like you have to be strongfor yourself or someone else. You are weak right now. If the wave rushes up and you feel like crying, don't hold back. Cry until you can't anymore-ride the wave. If you hold back it will need to release itself whether it's in a day, a month, 4 years. Also, when you are out in public you will all of a sudden be very in tune with a mom-daughter shopping together or an seeing an older woman. And you'll think why is that person here when my loved one (in that same role) is not. You may feel resentful, I did when I'd see men older than my dad still alive and kicking. Just wanted you to know. I hope it helps.

Answer 3

First off Let me tell you how sorry I am for your loss. Everyone grieves in their own way. It is not easy to lose a loved one. I, also lost my Mom. Nov. 2004. And I still grieve. I think about her all the time. The first 6 months were the worst. Than I started thinking about the good memories and I actually talk to her when no one else is around. I think she hears me too. Because weird things will occur. Can't explain it. Just try not to let your grief over take your life. Your Mom wouldn't have wanted that. Take peace in prayer. God Bless You. And hang in there. It will never go away, but it will get easier.

Answer 4

Wow. I'm so sorry. I have a very sick mom and I can't help but think everyday about how much of a wreck I will be. I mean, that's "mommy" ... you know?

I was very close with my grandmother. The day she passed, I was nothing less than a basket-case. I found that going through old pictures and focusing on good times helped. I believe my stages were: shock, denial, extreme grief and then coping; not accepting it as I never fully did . I know this sounds lame but I just always think that she's out there looking over my shoulder and that I'll bump into her again someday. This sounds like your first significant loss, and I'm so very sorry. Nothing can replace a mom.

Answer 5

First, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. It is a matter of life that is ultimate.

You will probably go through all emotions. If you feel depressed, that is natural too.

However, you must move forward with what your life demands. Ensuring that you are functioning and living as if your mother was still alive, is what she would want.

Allow yourself to feel hurt, pain, being upset, and depressed. It is normal progression of loss.

Much love to you.

Answer 6

There is a book at the public libray that not only tells you the steps, but gives you tips in dealing with each of the steps. Anger and relief are OK and expected feelings

Answer 7

death is part of parcel of life.. as soon as u can.. juz get over it..

but this time pay more attention to ur father.. he need more support than u ..