After so long being in the marriage, slowly we realised that we are actually growing very different from each other mentally. We have a mixed marriage. Eastern with Western. In the west it is very normall to go appart, if it is not working.
2006-07-22 05:55:55 · 41 answers · asked by dotab 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Have you got kids?If yes think about how they'd feel.try communicating with each other.find out where the spark has gone.and why it's gone.try after all doesn't the vow you took at marriage meant anything?..........Till death do us part? You're born once,marry once and die once. that's what my grandfather used to say when thought us the lesson on life.Unless either one of them are abusive then you have a valid reason.
One can't easily gve up just because they feel that it's time we've known each other for too long.let's part?!
I mean don't you envy those elderly couple even thought they squabble alot every minute of the day still stay married and still make the coffee just right and fix the things you need(even grumbling a bit?) I mean you'll always find something that's still facinating about them.
2006-07-22 06:08:10 · answer #1 · answered by nadienia864 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
You are right - in the west it is more normal to separate but not after so long together.
Being mentally different is one thing - but if there are any points where you share things then I believe it is worth trying again. If there is any love or friendship left you can build on that, if you have a common interest (even if it is only the children) that can b a new starting point.
People do change over 18 years. I know I've changed over the last 18 years - I have different freinds, different career, different dreams. Even my parents ( celebrating over 40 years together) are different now than when they met but they still have things in common.
Personally, I think maybe you are worrying too much about change. Change can be a good thing - it stops you getting bored with the person you are with. If there is still love then why not get to know each other again - try to take an interest in each other's lives and embrace the changes!
2006-07-23 04:52:09 · answer #2 · answered by Leapling 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What really made me think about your question was what you stated, "Should WE start OUR life with a new partner."
WE and OUR indicates that you have not let go of the separation that you have both had, mentally. Although you may have a mixed marriage, albeit you'll find people on both sides that go their separate ways. Having said that, there are many that do not, for whatever the purpose they may have. I want to urge you not to try to place your relationship on a petal-stool and compare where you rank in the statistics. To many times, after being with someone for a long time, we tend to measure ourselves or worth and our lives with those of others, rather than dealing with the issues are and not how we measure against the common.
You need to sit down and plan how and what your desired outcomes are. one must be ready to accept the terms that are placed on the table, even if that means that there is a difference in cultural lifestyle. Also analyze the reasons for being married for so long and why the mental wall is too high to climb or knock down. You have the right to say what you want and you also have the right to know what his reaction is.
Best to you! Good Luck!
2006-07-22 06:14:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself, do you really want to start anew with somebody else. How do you know the next person won't be worse and living with a new partner could be a nightmare? If you're mentally different, do you still have any love? Because if you have a warm home to come back to after a long day, if you have someone who worries about you when you're late and still outside, if you have someone that you have decent conversations with, can still smile and have shared many good memories with...then you're the luckiest person in the world and you should never give up on something so good. Believe me, the grass always looks greener on the other side but if your side is comfortable and warm...there's no need to try out new things.
2006-07-23 21:48:35 · answer #4 · answered by DrSH 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i to had this happen at about 16 years i am still married to the same woman it is now 26 years of marriage .her is the thing as i got older and found that with this woman i could not be a new person i had to remain the same and i felt as if i had no future .the same old same old.and i wanted more and it was looking like i was never going to get it .i did not want what i had and you must to be happy.to this day i wonder if i would have fuller life out on my own or with another love .i came to the thought even though the grass my be greener over the hill i had a pretty nice lawn were i was at .and i found that i started to like what i had and i became more happy ..good luck
2006-07-22 06:07:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only if both of you mutually agreed to. Just because both of you comes from different cultures does not mean your marriage cannot be worked out. The mentality of the "west" going apart is normal, seems very disturbing to me.
However, if this is an issue of not having common grounds anymore, I would suggest marriage counselling for BOTH of you. If it doesnt work, then have a mutual heart to heart talk to go separate ways.
Word of caution: Please dont cheat on each other before you try sorting out your differences. It just aint right...
2006-07-22 06:06:12 · answer #6 · answered by DiL 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, ur willing to throw away 18 years of marriage????? wow what a waste of time that would become to leave it now, do u know how many people WISH they had a marriage survive that long????? Me personally i think u should get counseling and try to figure out how to grow the bond again after 18 years, it definately deserves the fight ..
2006-07-22 06:17:19 · answer #7 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel your marriage is not savable, sure. In centuries before, few people ever get to live togethe for 18 years -- one or the other partner died. I have friends who had a 30 years marriage -- they knew each other in hs. And married out of hs. After 30 years, she just got bored, and left. Broke his heart, but he got over it and found someone else. She's happier alone, and he's for sure happier..... since he found another lady..... That doesn't mean that the first year or two will be easy, but hey, nothing is..... It is easy to grow apart.....
2006-07-22 06:04:13 · answer #8 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no.. how can u think even of leaving a person u lived wit for 18 years..u love even a dog who livs wit u only 4 a year... i say no.. dont go 4 a new relationship...try to sort out things.. yes every person is different from each other.. there can b problems too... but tht dos not mean u just break tht relation tht too after 18 years.. !
y did u wait 4 18 yers then... y didnt u do this b4
plz dont
2006-07-22 06:03:06 · answer #9 · answered by hitz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It soundslike your marriage has just become a dull, boring habit for you both, and you stay together because of "what people will think" if you divorce. Do it!! Dont waste any more time once the feeling has gone; this is actually your life, not a rehersal, so move on and get happy again. Good luck to you both.
2006-07-22 12:23:37 · answer #10 · answered by k0005kat@btinternet.com 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋