how do you get out of a bad marriage if you are the homemaker that doesn't work and has no income?

Question

i'm married to a man that i love but due to some infidelity on my part(and his) he doesn't trust me. i can come to terms with that but this man won't spend money on me unless i'm "good". if i take a dollar off of his nightstand and get some cigerettes, he'll lock me out of the house. if i say that he's being an asshole, then he goes one better and "shows" me what an asshole is by cutting off my cell or not buying things i need like soap and lotion and **** like that. in the past he has hit me but i'm a fighter and i don't allow that **** to happen again. he is constantly accusing me of cheating, even though i'm not and then he refuses to make love to me.i moved to another state for this man, away from my family and friends, had his child, and i clean and cook and take care of everytrhing around the house because i was taught that a good wife does these things. i haven't cheated since we've been married but this man is making me feel like a slave. what should i do ya'll?

Answer 1

Wow ur married to a control freak.. lovely.. which explains why the marriage isnt working, because u enabled yourself to be treated this way, u should have access to all accounts ..but since u dont the only thing i can suggest is either ask your family to help u atleast with enough gas money to go stay with them till u get on your feet.. or u go get a job thats with in walking distance of your house.. even if its at McDonalds to earn your own money to leave him, He is a control freak that is emotionally abusive and atleast has attempted to be physically abusive, he thinks he has u right where he wants u and he can treat u like crap cause you cant do anything about it.. IF worse comes to worse go talk to ur Priest, Minister, Pastor, to see if the church can help u financially leave, my gf was in a abusive relationship, and the church gave her enough money to get back home..so that may be an option.. Time to get a back bone, and plot or scheme if u have to , to get out of this situation because its not going to get better, ive been where u are , except mine was physically abusive as well, and i did have to play nice for awhile till i could get the money together to leave which i did, and i dont regret my decision at all, im happier now then i ever was with him, although i still suffer from the emotional scars of his mental abuse.. U can do it, where there is a will theres a way, so now its up to u, do u want to stay in a relationship and be treated like a dog? or do u want to save urself and get out of such a controling environment??? ur choice..

Also just re-read what u said, i saw u said u have a child with this man.. i dont know if its a boy or a girl, but i gurantee, if u stay with this man, if its a boy, he will do the same to his wife one day and if its a girl.. she'll think that it is ok for a woman to be treated this way and men will treat her badly and she will put up with it because thats all she knows.. so do u want ur children to endure this kind of lifestyle??????

Good luck..

Answer 2

Wow thats sounds exactly like my situation. I am just kinda stuck in between a hard place rite now cuz I'm about to have another child of his. Okay well first off, what I'd do(and did) is go to the court house to the clerks office and ask them how you can file for divorce and you are basically a poor person. That way the county your in will pay for your divorce or they will go after him for the money. Either way it's free to you. If your truly not happy get an order for custody of your child and move back with your family if they want you back home. See when I have this child I'm moving back with my mother to get back on my feet. Because my soon to be x husband had drug me down so deep that I can't take it anymore. And sad to say I'm not letting him be a part of this new childs life because he would take it from me. Good Luck in what ever you decide.

Answer 3

Where is your sense of WOMAN POWER? Empower yourself! go to school. Do something with YOUR life.

This means don't ASK him if he minds if you go.......it means, pick a school and go and enroll. The government will pay for your degree if you apply for financial aid. The only thing is you cannot have a felony for sex and drug convictions or you will be denied.

Othewise, as a American citizen, you do qualify for financial aid. That's the dangerous side of having a relationship to boast, "my man takes care me." This can make people envious. But they don't know that the COST of this lifestyle can sometimes not be worth the few gains.

Only you can change this. You have no reason to be living in 2006 going on 2007, and still be being treated like it's the pre- women's rights era.

Also, as a student you can take out loans to live on so you won't need him for every penny. Say again, EMPOWER YOURSELF.

Answer 4

Get a job, even if it's a part time job. This is no way to live. Tell him that you want to work so you can buy your essentials and not bother him for it. If he has a hard time with this, then he is trying to control you. Which is no good, therefore, you definitely need to find yourself a job and save money to go back home. Love doesn't hurt or control. Tell him you need to talk to him about the way things are with you two and see if you can come to some sort of agreement without a fight. If not, then do what you have to do.

Answer 5

I was once in your shoes, though my husband is not a jerk. I felt like my marriage was crap & that I couldn't leave him because I wouldn't be abel to support my 2 year old twins at the time. I stuck it out and after a few mini breakdowns I put the kids in day care and got a part time job. After a while I realized that I could actually support myself & my children if I really needed to. I did not wind up needing to as my husband and I worked out all of our problems, but I was just lucky.

If he has hit you in the past, whether or not you hit back, there is a good chance he will try it again. Or worse, since he knows you hit back, he may even take his anger out on he child. You need to get yourself & your child out of this potentially dangerous tyrannical situation. There are agencies that you can turn to if your family can't help.

My prayers are with you.

Answer 6

Leave Girl. If you need a safe place to go contact the police and they should be able to give you information on a woman's shelter.

What he is doing is called Financial Abuse. He knows you have no other source of money but him so he is using that to control you with. You have got to stand up on your own two feet and make a decision. Who is more important to you??? You and your child or him?

Be strong!!

Answer 7

Never get out of a bad marriage, fix it, look to the Bible for the answers God made us and he gave us a manual for directions to follow in detail, all you need to do is apply it ! As for your needs of finance get a job, two jobs, three jobs. Anything that brings you income is a good thing, A place that will hire u instantly is Joann's fabric store, they train u in all area's to help u . Great experience in learning retail. everything else will fall in place just have alot of patience and do alot of Praying to give u Wisdom, Strength, Endurance and Love.

Answer 8

a slave woman damn get a job then you will know what a slave is but a way to get out get a JOB leave and you admit he payed for everything let the man have what he worked for. by the way i hope he finds this out. then he can take this paragraph to court to prove he did everything for you and your a nag

Answer 9

get out and maybe move back in your parents house to u can find a job and get on your feet so u can find a house for you and your kids . but u don't need him if he is treating u like that , there are more fish in the sea

Answer 10

call yo family, go to a shelter for woman & kids that gets abused(security there), legal aid will help u get a divorce if u let them know that he abuses u and u can have husband pay for u fees to get back to the state u family is at.