If we can not ever seem to get things worked out in our marriage what should i do we talk but it does nothing?

Question

well see we have been together for 7yrs before the kids things were fine but as soon as we had kids i always feel like he does not help me and he tells me i don't ask but why should i? I mean they are his kids and house too? I just don't get it than he uses reason for not doing things. He says i worked all day I am tired well I work go to school take care of him and the kids clean house and much more.I just dont know what to do anymore im out of ideas so can you help me out

Answer 1

The best way I have found to deal with this is to sit down and have a heart-to-heart about it. If he will do things if you ask him, then ask him. He is no better than you to help. Talk to him, and the sooner, the better. Good Luck!!

Answer 2

You're making things worse for yourself. He says that you don't ask, then start asking and stop making things worse for yourself. Hold him up on that one, start asking him to do certain things and if he doesn't do them, then you have a legitimate reason to flip on him. Start using your energy on some compromise instead of arguing about things. Just think, when someone asks you to do something for them in a nice, respectful manner, you are more likely to do it, then if they came up to you arguing and complaining that they have to do everything around the house, and it's not fair, etc., etc. Unfortunately, you have to treat men like babies sometimes, so use reverse psychology and don't let the kids see all this complaining, they may start feeling they are the problem, since you said it all started when they came into the picture. Sit and talk with your husband, but don't just talk, make out a plan together. Good luck. It's possible, just keep and open mind and be fair, and stop complaining.

Answer 3

Sit down and make a list of house and children things that can be his daily responsibilities. Such as...making breakfasts and lunch while you get them up and dressed in the mornings. He can changed sheets and towels once a week while you do the laundry. He can help with homework while you get dinner ready. He can do baths & storytime while you tidy up the house at the end of the day. If he has things that are his to do each and every day you won't have to ask and he won't have to wait to be asked. If you both work outside of the home you should both work inside of the home. He's not being a good and loving husband and father if he leaves it all to you. It's a partnership.

Answer 4

Honey I had the same roblem with my fiance we have been together 9 years and about 2 years ago he started cheating on me(he stoped cheating as soon as i found out), we talked it out went to counseling and I came to understand that I was pushing him away. I was dressing up, compaing all the time,etc.
He owns a business so when he went to china for 3 weeks, I took over the business and damn i was so tired i could not do any of the normal things i used to.
Thnk of it like that movie freaky friday with jodie foster.
I realized that we both have to do our sure- he is the bread winner, i am the house wife. Set responsibilites for him- little things than work your way up.

Answer 5

Sorry, but I think he's right.

Do you expect him to read your mind? Stop having internal conversations with yourself and start having real conversations with him!

Who gets the kids up and off to school/daycare in the morning? Is it you? Why not ask him to take that responsibility on, say, Tuesdays, when your schedule is jam-packed?

How many kids do you have? (I'm going with two for this reasoning.) Who picks them up? Who gives them baths? Ask him to do one child's bath while you feed the other, then swap kids the next day. Or let him know that he's the one they want their bedtime story from.

Don't forget to take some time for just the 2 of you! Money may be tight, but save a little for a babysitter and the two of you go on a date!

Answer 6

Have you tried leaving him to-do lists? At first I hated this notion (like you said, they're "his kids and house too"), but if the 5 sec. it takes to write a list results in an hour or two of productivity then it's worth it. My husband is not observant and does not share the same vision as to how I want our home to look and run, so being clear and direct (often through lists) has been quite helpful.

Answer 7

yes you can tell him either you start helping me around the house and with the kids and help me with the cooking or i well divorce you and nail you for child support and alimony plus you well have to pay all of the bills in til the divorce is finally and see what he says and dont back down from him he taking a vantage of you and you are letting him dont do it i am a single father of 2 girls if i can do all of this on my own your husband can help you out.

Answer 8

Hello Miss,

ask one question to your husband, does he love your(both) kids?

but only ask when he answered you that he did lots today. i also guess that this is not everyday problem.

also realise him that kids need parents love not only mom's love..... explain him to spend some time with them.

one more thing that you are not expecting him to take care of kids and you go out for shopping?

if i am right than better to talk with him only during the night(weekend be more effective).

Only love can solve this problem.

it will work ! Trust me !

you can also check out this web link http://www.hollywoodjesus.com/comments/melinda/2005/01/super-nanny.html

Best Regards,
D.

Answer 9

As rough as it seems, you may want to either move out or tell him to split. He is being self centered and immature right now. If that doesn't wake him up, then let him go and move on. You sound busy enough without picking up after another kid.

Answer 10

Well you definitley have the after child syndrome... Best thing if possible is find a night just for yall... Get a babysitter or something. If this doesn't work try counseling.. GOod luck...