over the years, it has gotten to the point that we dont have sex hardly at all. we live together and sleep together, but no sex. he is in his late 40s and is embarrassed about it. i havent said too much about it, but he knows that its bothering me. how should i go about telling him that i want more than what im getting
2006-07-22 04:17:43 · 12 answers · asked by lodeemae 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First thing, you MUST talk. Keeping quiet about a problem never helps.
If he has a physical/medical problem he needs help from a doctor to resolve it. He shouldn't be embarrased about it. Millions of guys have problems. Why do you think there are so many commercials advertising help for this kind of thing.
If it's not physical then can you confront him with a tough question? Is he doing porn and masturbation? This is also a problem that a lot of guys struggle with. Unfortunately it takes away from the physical and intimacy side of a marriage. Often it's an issue of the guilt that makes him too ashamed to have sex withhis wife.
If this turns out to be the problem, email me and I can give you some sites that might help. But you may also know of counselors in your own area that may help.
2006-07-22 04:32:43 · answer #1 · answered by jp 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been married for many years.
There was a time when my husband and I were not having sex at all. The worst was during our 6th year of marriage. We only had sex 2 TIMES!
If your husband is embarrassed about it, it doesn't do you any good to press the issue. You both need to sit down and talk about how and what effects your lack of intimacy. I have found that there are other circumstances when dealing with this problem; i.e: finances, children, work, stress, family issues.
Be ready to put those things on the table and understand the process of how he/ she takes that to heart and how it in fact effects the lack intimacy. There may be a natural rationale of equalization in the preception of acts, gestures, words, etc. These are called triggers.Only then will you truly be able to enjoy each other without the thought of sex, just being married.
2006-07-22 11:42:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say he has hit a mid life crisis which has taken over his sex Drive. My bf and I have sex 3-4 times a wk and then we might go 10-12 days without it. We are both in our 40's as well. I would say he needs to go to the Dr and advise Dr of what he is experiencing and the dr will be able to give him medication to help him out and then you better get ready for some late night action !
2006-07-22 11:48:08 · answer #3 · answered by young at heart 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not SHOW him that you want more? You can come up with some creative ideas on how to turn him on, can't you? Okay then, go for it!!!! EVERYONE, when they have been together a while, experiences the slowing down of sexual activity. It is like part of the relationship. This is the thing no one bothered to tell us when we were growing up....relationships change, the sex dies down (but rarely STOPS totally). It is no crime. And it doesn't mean anything is wrong. People need change, and variety.
2006-07-22 11:24:53 · answer #4 · answered by lcamel2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say he is embarrassed about it. Does he have a medical problem? That can be fixed. he just has to go to his doctor and explain what is happening, there are medications that can help him. If that's not the problem, then maybe you need to seduce him and start exciting him a little more. Sometimes we get into this humdrum day to day s*** that we don't realize that we are paying as much attention to certain things in a relationship the way we used to. Good luck. I believe this can be fixed.
2006-07-22 11:22:16 · answer #5 · answered by BluePassion 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the best thing to do is have a chat about this over a coffee....
let him know in simple and clear words how you feel,your needs and desires and m sure he'll explain if he has a genuine reason behind all this and things will improve for you!!
2006-07-22 11:34:41 · answer #6 · answered by country_girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to him, tell him maybe u should go talk to a doctor, it could be something as easy as he is suffering from low testosterone levels.. or yes he could possibly need viagra.. and theres nothing shameful about using a pill that gets you laid lol..
2006-07-22 11:28:38 · answer #7 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to go to his doctor. Men sometimes have sexual problems that's health related and can be fixed.
***not the man the problem....LOL
2006-07-22 11:31:51 · answer #8 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
has he started taking different medications?
If you can't talk to him about it, you will have a difficult time fixing it. You have to let him know, or it could ruin your relationship.
2006-07-22 11:28:15 · answer #9 · answered by Love2Sew 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like to me its gettin old try new things and makr it interresting for both of u. new thangs can do wonders!
2006-07-22 14:01:34 · answer #10 · answered by springn1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋