husband and 23 yr old daughter acting childish?

Question

my 23 yr old dosn't get along with my new husband,she thinks he's trying to take me away from her and her kids,and he thinks she is trying to split us up. I love them all so dearly.(I also have a son who's ok with him). I've tried to reassure them both of that. He was cheated on in every other relationship he was in,and is afraid i'll do the same thing. She and her bro. were raised by just me, and I think she's jealous of him getting so much more of my time.They both say they have tried to get along but I havn't seen it. So they both nit pick at the smallest things. Which they deny. I don't want to hurt either of them,but I have talked till I'm blue in the face,and can't get them to at least pretend to get along for me. and when they do get in the same room, later I hear how one is just trying to pit one against the other. I've tried talking to both of them and nothing has worked yet. HELP!!

Answer 1

Have a family meeting with the neutral party (you) guiding the discussion. Before the meeting, get your man to agree to listen and hear your daughters concerns and not answer back right away. Make sure he agrees to have you lead the discussion.

Open up with a statement about how much you love everyone. Admit that a blended family is a tough proposition and you need everyone's help to be successful (you really do). Have everyone agree to try to be open and listen with love during the meeting.

Tell your daughter that you deserve to have a man who loves you and that you have chosen this man. Stand up for your man at the same time letting your daughter know that her issues are also important to you. Tell everyone that the meeting is to reach an agreement that is as much win-win for everyone in the family as possible.

Then talk your daughter through her concerns with love and patience. Is there any way you can get her to compromise so both she and you can be happy? What things does she expect your husband to do differently? Don't allow her to just talk about problems, try to get your daughter to help with solutions that will work for her. (Your man is still silent unless you ask him a quick question during this time.)

After this, let your man (he is the adult and should be able to control himself while your daughter has said some harsh things) let your man express his feelings about what is going on and (hopefully) he will explain how he wants everyone to be happy in the family and how he will do "whatever it takes" to promote harmony in the family. He should explain his love for you, how he wants the best for the whole family and explain that he is not trying to replace someone else (in case there is an ex-husband around), but he wants to get along with the kids because he loves their mother. He is a human being too and he isn’t perfect. He just wants to contribute to the happiness of the family today, he can't fix every problem from the past or make up for others mistakes. He shouldn't be expected to.

If you can guide him through dealing with the issues brought up by your daughter during this time, it would be great if you could mediate using ideas for the best solutions from him and your daughter and you and your other son. Maybe the son who is getting along with him could finish up and say some good things about your new husband.

Whatever deals you work out in this meeting will have to be revisited and reworked from week to week as things come up. Think of it this way, working on it, is better than not working on it. In time, with your intervention, your husband and daughter can learn to get along better. Tell them both that your family is worth the effort.

End the meeting with a family hug. Good luck to you all.

Answer 2

just pray and keep the faith. make a day just for you and your daughter and grandkids to enjoym each other without your husband and then make a day for all of you'll to get together and talk out your inner feelings and get a baby sitter for the kids so it won't effect their mind on what adults are discussing